


Hear Me

by regular_john



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Angst, Artist Hanji, Bassist Marco, Character's Name Spelled as Hanji, Concerts, Dark, Dog Lover Eren Yeager, Eren Yeager Has Heterochromia Iridum, Eren Yeager Is a Ray of Sunshine, Eren Yeager has a face birthmark, F/F, F/M, Famous Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Français | French, French Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Frontman Levi, Guitarist Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Inspired by Music, It Gets Worse, Late Night Conversations, Levi and Hanji are siblings, Light Angst, London, Loneliness, M/M, Manager Erwin, Music, No Smut, Ok maybe more than light angst, Paparazzi, Slow Burn, Slurs, Smoking, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, Triggers, Violence, drummer farlan, eren photographer, late night walks, music references, plot gets dark??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:34:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 48,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21575365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regular_john/pseuds/regular_john
Summary: 'Maybe if I fall asleep, I won't breathe rightCan nobody hear me?I've got a lot that's on my mindI cannot breatheCan you hear it too?'Levi is in the award-winning, incredibly famous rock band King Raven with his fellow band-members Marco and Farlan. But, despite all his fame and fortune, he feels lost.That is until a certain bright-eyed boy rescues Levi from himself.Gifted to 2 legends that read this and for some reason wanted more
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Erwin Smith, Furlan Church/Isabel Magnolia, Levi & Eren Yeager, Levi/Eren Yeager, Levi/Erwin Smith, Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein, Mikasa Ackerman/Annie Leonhart, Moblit Berner/Hange Zoë
Comments: 84
Kudos: 111





	1. Hiding Tonight

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheFlamingGeek](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFlamingGeek/gifts), [ImBlackKitten](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImBlackKitten/gifts).



> Hiya, this is my second AO3 fic and obviously its still Levi and Eren because they're my favourites tbh. 
> 
> I'm in the middle of writing another fic (its called The Usual and its happy and lovely and involves coffee shops, gigs and uni life) so I probably shouldn't be writing this at the same time but I really fancied it. No other excuse. 
> 
> Enjoy ig
> 
> PLAYLIST LINK  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3WnCPundrVMgoNDQrUU8MW

It was a late Friday night that King Raven had started our journey from Manchester down to London for our 3 day sell-out shows to end our worldwide tour. On the coach that night was : the driver Pixis, the manager Erwin Smith, the band's drummer Farlan Church with his wife Izzy playing Mario kart, the band's bassist Marco Bodt on the phone with his mum, and the lead singer and guitarist Levi Ackerman. That's me shitheads. 

I was listening to music while looking out of the window as my evening car journeys usually ended up going. As much as I loved my two band mates and Izzy, I cherished my free time. I knew once I arrived in London we would be practicing constantly, spending time with each other and meeting up with people in London as it was our hometown. (despite being a city)

I was listening to my soft acoustic [music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxNmaaqj3iA), watching the raindrops fall on the window with great interest, when I felt a light tap on my shoulder. 

I scowled because I was getting far too into it and turned around to find Marco sheepishly smiling at me, "Mum wants to know if you want to come out for noodles with us tomorrow, it's my turn to pay I think."

I cocked my head to the side to feign thought, as if I'd turn down noodles "Yeah fuck it I'll come, who else is going and where are we going." I quizzed the bassist.

Marco put his phone on speaker so the conversation could be opened up to the rest of the coach "How does Yuu's Kitchen in Whitechapel sound?" 

This was a personal favourite of mine, as Marco knew, because it was in an area that wasn't too busy and while being slightly grimy; was perfect for noodles. Plus, we always used to go to Yuu's when we were in sixth form. 

"I'm in." I looked to Marco to see him nod. 

"That sounds lovely dears, what about Farlan and Isabel" Marco's mum added over the phone, her strong Yorkshire accent prevailing. 

"I don't know, let me as-"

"OI, LOVEBIRDS" I shouted at my two friends in the section of the coach with the television. Marco rolled his eyes. 

"WHAT DO YOU WANT MISTER MISERABLE I'M FUCKING FARLAN OVER" screeched Izzy, clearly beating her husband. 

"NOODLES. YUUS. TOMORROW. EVERYONE. LUNCH. YOU IN?" 

"Oh yeah sounds good, we could go when you guys finish your morning rehearsal, but remember you have soundcheck at 4 and your first support goes on at 7.30 so we should probably be in the arena by then. We don't want to app-" 

"Okay Mrs.Bodt thats a table for five then please" I interrupted Izzy as I was well aware we had a busy day tomorrow. 

"Can you make that six?" Erwin piped in from his seat next to our driver, looking up from his laptop and probably an email. He was always writing emails. 

"Actually Mrs.Bodt, can you make that seven? I'd like to invite Hanji as well" I mentioned, to hear Erwin groan much to my amusement. Hanji was a lot of work, but she was my only best friend missing from this lunch and I missed her, in honesty. She lived in London with her husband and ran an art studio full of art I was never going to fully understand, but ever since we met at 14 and become siblings we had been best friends. 

"That's fine! The more the merrier. Anyone else?" she questioned. 

"Can I invite my friend Annie mum? She's back from Russia for a little while and it would be nice to have a quick catch up" Marco added. 

"Of course my baby! Maybe you two can go off together a bit later on if you need some privacy with her..."

"Mum stop that" Marco rolled his eyes and a slight blush appeared. I smirked as I remembered Marco telling me years and years ago that he was gay but too scared to tell his mum. In fact, I'm pretty sure the whole band knew at this point. 

"Okay thank you again Mrs.Bodt, see you around lunch time in Whitechapel" I leaned over and ended the call. 

Marco opened his mouth but before he could start, I interrupted. 

"If you need help coming out to her, I'm here for you freckles" I went to sit next to my friend and stole one of his strawberry laces before putting my legs on his lap. Marco and I were very comfortable with eachother and often slept on eachother on the coach. 

No, not in that way. Just because we're both gay doesn't mean it's anything like that. 

"I appreciate it Vi, thank you" he smiled and leaned his head back, pushing his black hair away from his dark eyes looking upwards. 

We sat like that for a while, me eating his sweets and Marco staring at the ceiling before he moved to face me with his head leaning on the chair and whispered. 

"Is it still awkward with you and Erwin?" 

I froze momentarily at the suddenness of the question. Marco and I talk about all kinds of things including our relationships but we rarely spoke of my past relationship with out manager. It was hard to deny him of this conversation, though, with his doe eyes and freckled face looking straight at me. 

"Frosty. It was still only a few months ago so I understand but it's much better than it was" 

"Good" Marco smiled, "I'm happy you're both moving on"

I nodded at him and decided to move the conversation on "Any romantic interests going on with you?" 

Marco blushed "Possibly, Annie said her girlfriend's friend is cute so I might be meeting him after the gig tomorrow. Massive group of them are coming by the way tomorrow, front pit and all that" 

I raised an eyebrow at the mention of the word 'cute' but nodded for the rest. 

"I should tell Hanji about noodles, one minute" I retrieved my phone from my black jeans and went to my favourites page ready to call my sister, not before turning the volume down as she would inevitably scream the second I picked up the phone. 

"LEVIIIII! MY LITTLE ROCKER! I am seeing you tomorrow, what are the chances of you calling?"

I turned the volume up as she moved to talking at a normal volume and put her on speaker so Marco could hear. 

"You're seeing me tomorrow? That's funny as I was just about to invite you to lunch at Yuu's tomorrow lunch" 

"Sounds GREAT! But yeah I bought tickets in the front pit to come and watch you babyyy" 

"Please tell me you got family discount" I started.

"I forgot, but you can just pay me back if its that big a deal" 

"Don't worry I will. See you there or meet you at the tube station?" 

"Levi hunny, I'm pretty sure theres a King Raven poster at every single tube station at the moment with you all sat on your black thrones with your creepy crowns and whatnot. Maybe just meet at Yuu's" 

Right. Briefly forgot about fame. 

"Whatever, see you then fuckface"

"Bye shortie!" and she hung up before I could have a go at her for calling me a shortie. 

-

We arrived at our hotel at 2am, but as it was a short walk away from my apartment I decided to quickly run there to grab some tea bags, spare clothes (even though I had all my tour clothes at the hotel) and some more shampoo as I was running low. I then ran back to the hotel to go to my room when I ran into Captain America himself. 

"Hello Erwin". The man stood before me was incredibly tall, with blonde cropped hair and massive fuck-off eyebrows. He was annoyingly muscular and had our bands logo tattooed on his exposed bicep, much like the rest of the band. 

"Levi, did you get everything you needed" he looked down at me with my bag full of items from my home, and smiled wistfully. 

"Yep, now move I'm tired" I tried to get past him but his arm moved out to stop me.

"Levi, we need to talk about this" 

I shook my head "We broke up over 3 months ago and that is all there is to it." I curtly responded, not wanting to go into it. 

"Yeah, I'm aware, but we were together for 2 years and I feel like I don't have closure. Why did we break up?" I looked up to see tears brimming in his eyes and sighed, this was a tough one. 

I unlocked my hotel room door and sat on the sofa, throwing my bag onto my bed. I looked up to see the man standing in the doorway and patted the vacant space next to me that Erwin shortly filled.

We sat in silence for a few moments, Erwin staring at the ground and me looking at the expensive wallpaper of the hotel room, adorned with golden swirls and tiny silvery flowers. I took a deep breath before I started talking again. 

"It was corny as shit the way I broke up with you. You deserve more." He looked over to me, I continued to avoid his gaze "You were the longest relationship I was in Erwin, and I am glad that we were together for as long as we were; but I truly believe it ended at the right time. What with the tour and everything but also with the fact that, as you know, you're ready to settle down. I'm not ready for that kind of life yet and I don't want that to hold you back from settling down with someone who _is_ ready to settle down. Does that make sense?" At this I finally looked over at my ex-boyfriend to find him staring at me with small tears rolling down his face. "Erwin?" I leaned to wipe one off. 

"Yeah, yep, fair enough. Sorry, I'll go. You need to sleep before tonight!" He stood up and went for the door. 

"wait" I said, half-heartedly as I was so taken aback by his tears. He had not cried when we had broken up.

"I'm sorry" I said to the man. He stopped at the door and looked to the ground. There was a deathly silence, the only noise being the traffic on the busy London streets and the gentle hum of the the hotel heating unit. He turned around to face the door.

"I know." And he left. 

-

That night, I sat on the balcony of my fancy hotel room and thought about everything in my life while I smoked. I haven't been sleeping well for a while and seeing my ex-boyfriend cry really didn't help my situation. 

I just felt so lost. I didn't have any one person I was particularly interested in anymore, I felt isolated from my own city because of fame, and I just wanted to sleep but somehow had no motivation to do so.

I stood up and put out my cigarette in the crystal ash tray on the expensive-looking garden furniture before closing the sliding door getting into the impossibly large hotel bed. I closed my eyes and got into a comfortable position, feeling ridiculous at my tiny size compared to the large bed. 

-

I woke up to heavy knocking on my door, before the door was violently opened by Farlan and Marco who proceeded to jump on my bed and start singing 'maybe it's because I'm a Londoner'. 

"Get off my bed I'm coming out, give me a minute" 

"Thought the press didn't know you're gay? Is this finally the moment Levi Ackerman opens up?" teased Farlan, causing me to throw a pillow at him. 

"Cunt." I rolled over. 

"Come on Levi, we're rehearsing the set at your flat, we've decided" 

I rolled my eyes and got out of the warmth of my bed "I'm up, fuck off, I'll come and get you both shortly" 

They smiled at me and started walking away, "Have a shower, you both stink of shit" They both started to laugh and left the room, not before Farlan finished the verse. 

**Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner**   
**That I love London town**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxNmaaqj3iA 
> 
> HIDING TONIGHT


	2. Like A Stone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First night gig in London for King Raven

"Did your apartment get bigger, or are you just shrinking"

"Farlan, I will not hesitate to come over there and fucking rip your tongue out if you say one more word about my height" I said to my so-called friend through gritted teeth. “I had a clear out, got rid of some of out old shitty posters and put them in a storage unit. Makes the room look bigger” We had just walked through the door for my flat and he had immediately taken to assaulting me.

“It looks clean..Not sure what I expected” Commented Marco, taking his vans off next to the door at the same time as Farlan.

“Soo you didn’t shrink” Grinned Farlan. Without Izzy, I must note, he was quicker to take the piss and took every opportunity to do so.

“I swear one of these days I’ll be arrested for assaulting you”

"You sound like an angry little puppy" Said a voice from inside my apartment, causing me and my band mates to freeze on the spot.

Someone else was here.

I walked deeper inside the flat and poised my hand over the light switch "Who the flying fuck-" I started, before being tackled to the floor by an incredibly heavy object, from which words began to pour out.

"Good mooooorning my small sweet prince! Thank you for letting me use your sofa overnight, it was deeply appreciated" She said.

"I should've known. Hello Hanji, how the fuck did you get in my house this time?"

The obnoxiously heavy beast cackled into my ear and stood up, straightening her wonky ponytail and pushing her crooked paint-splattered glasses up her nose "If I told you, I would have to kill you" she grinned. She was wearing orange joggers and a tie dye brown and pink hoodie, eclectic tastes to say the least. She deeply contrasted to my usual blacks and greys but somehow, it worked.

"Tch." I stood up and walked to my kitchen "I'm putting the kettle on, who wants tea."

To a room of resounding yes's, I pulled out 4 black mugs and started on the tea while I distantly heard my friends talking amongst themselves while setting up in my music room. I had a reasonably large apartment thanks to the success of the band, and instead of using my spare rooms for beds (as I knew Hanji would take ownership of one) I turned the five rooms into a music room, a recording room, a micro-library, a study and a room for my pool table.

I walked into the music room and set the teas on the glass table beside the door and looked at the wall. A few years ago now, I had bought a whiteboard for this room so we could brainstorm song ideas while we practised. The rest of the room was painted grey, much like all the other rooms in my house, and the walls were lined with guitars hanging up and two bass guitars I had just in case. Marco was writing up the setlist on the board he had in mind for the gig, as he was the one who was a self-proclaimed expert at creating playlists and therefore always made the cut.

“What cover should we do tonight?” He started, every night we had taken to performing a cover for the crowd as we were worried they were getting bored of our material. They were all being added to a youtube playlist so they could all be seen after the tour had ended.

“I’m not bothered, up to you guys” said Farlan, faffing with the drum kit.

“Same here, I think I should sing tonight though” I said nursing my tea. Last night, Farlan had sung while playing drums. It was hilarious.

“Can you do an Audioslave pretty pretty please! Your voice sounds just like Christ Cornell!” Squealed Hanji. I rolled my eyes.

“Well, shit for brains, we already did black hole sun in Berlin so it's kind of repetitive. And anyways we need two guitars to do that one,” I paused, remembering something “but you know that, don’t you”

She grinned mischievously, of course she knew “Can I please just this once come up with you guys? Come oooon it would be so fun!” She jumped up and down with excitement.

“Isn’t there a rumour you two are an item in the press? That would just add fuel to the flames” Marco commented as he stood on his tip toes trying to get to the top of the board.

“Yuck. That’s old news, and anyway so what. It’s not like shitty glasses or I will ever talk about it. No one need to know I'm gay. I feel like if I ever get into another relationship I’ll do the same as I've always done and keep it a secret”

“If I got a boyfriend, I’d let the world know” Said Marco. We all turned to face the blushing boy writing songs on the whiteboard.

“Got someone in mind?” Farlan encouraged

“Is this about that boy you’re meeting” I smiled softly to myself. I wanted Marco to be happy as for a long time now he has waned a boyfriend to look after and spoil but has been worried about what other people will think of him. Finally he seems to have come to peace with his sexuality and i was chuffed to say the least.

“As a matter of fact it is. I found him on instagram and we talked all night long” The blushing boy turned into a tomato before our very eyes.

“Is he fit?” Hanji blurted in, earning a grin from farlan and myself as we both had a similar question in mind.

“I don’t know maybe? slightly?”

“Freckles, what is his instagram. We can stalk him.” I put my tea down to get out my phone. 

“You need more creative nicknames. Freckles, shitty glasses, They’re too obvious”

“Tch. Youre changing the subject, whats his username Marco”

He procrastinated for a while but eventually he gave it over so we could all look at this boy.

“Jeen…Kirsteen?” Hanji questioned, attempting to pronounce his name.

“Jean Kirstein. His mum is French and his dad is German so he’s a mix of th… what is it Farlan?” He was shaking with laughter. Marco began to blush again, however, as the drummer held up a shirtless picture of Jean with some of his friends.

“So purely attracted based on intellect I see, we raised you well” Farlan said, I snorted.

“Just because you and izzy were best friend for years and have been together since what, when you were 14?!”

“Yep, and we’re still very happy” He plopped down on his chair and cracked his knuckles.

I took a look at the picture of Jean and looked over to Marco, “He looks rather…Equine. Would it be alright if I called him horse-face?” I innocently questioned, earning a high-five from Farlan.

“You can, but only privately and please be nice to him when you inevitably meet him, I really like him” Marco said, finishing the setlist and walking over to his bass.  
I nodded then took a sip of my tea and went over to my row of guitars as I spoke “So now that we have established that Farlan is still very happy, Marco is finding love and we all know about Hanji and Moblit, I think we should start practicing for tonight, especially as we need to do Like A Stone as a group” I concluded, selecting my Gibson ES-135.

“Can I use your Fender Jaguar pretty please” Hanji said, staring longingly at the guitar in question.

“If you dirty it, you clean it” I confirmed, picking up a plectrum to stand in front of the band, all looking to me for guidance.

“Okay Farlan, count us in”

1,2,3,4.

\- - -

After a few hours of going through the set list and playing tonights cover a good few times, it was time to go to lunch with the big group of us that had been organised the night before. I texted our driver Dot Pixis and told him to pick us up from my apartment. While we waited, we talked to Marco.

“So in your overnight talk with Jee- sorry _Jean_ , what did you talk about?” Hanji asked, she had changed into a pair of neon pink trousers covered in paint stains from her ‘modern’ art work, (which I always thought looked like a colourful yet expensive spillage) and a yellow anorak to go with the same brown and pink hoodie. She had a stash of clothing in one of my cupboards in my bedroom just in case she ever stayed over and needed a change of clothes. 

“Why do you want to know?” he asked.

I looked over to Marco and Farlan and smiled, they both wore blue jeans in varying stages of decay with a graphic t-short of some description. I, however, didn’t seem to own anything of colour in my wardrobe and stuck out like a sore thumb with my black boots, jeans, t shirt and jacket. We were, of course, tied by our tattoos. We all shared the initials K.R. sitting on top of interlocked feathers on our left arms, but some of us had others. Marco only had two (being the bands logo and the word ‘mum’ in a love heart on his other bicep), but me and Farlan had the most (his totalling at 12 and mine at 15).

“I’m genuinely interested in what you have in common” Hanji continued, taking me out of my daydream.

At this point, my phone started to vibrate, informing us that our driver was waiting outside. We all filed into the mini-van, doing our best to do so quickly and avoid the paps that hung around my apartment all day and sat in silence. Our driver was singing along rather terribly to the Metallica booming through the stereo. Most of our drives in the mini van went like this as we all listened to his music, sometimes joining in but mostly listening. The mini van signified that we were in London as it was in permanent residence here, and as I looked out of my darkened window at the busy streets I allowed myself to softly smile at the familiar sight. 

“I’m waiting Marco.” Hanji said. We all looked over to Marco as he stopped fiddling with his phone and blushed slightly again. 

“Ugh, I was hoping that was over” Marco sighed “well we both have German fathers for a start, we both love Star Wars…”

“That explains everything then, you nerds you” Hanji butted in, and her grin grew “is he coming for lunch, then?”

“No, but I could’ve invited him couldn’t I?” Marco said, rather guiltily.

“Probably best you didn’t mate, a lot of paps today” shouted Pixis from the drivers seat, we had already arrived and I could hear the snaps approaching the car.

“Fucking hell not again, how did they find out?” I said, looking out of the blacked-out window.

“Izzy says they started to arrive once she and Erwin got there, someone must have recognised them and spotted that the table could probably fit us.”

“Right, well, lets get food then,” Hanji got ready to open the door “quickly now everyone” she hurried.

And just like that, I experienced one of my least favourite perks of being famous, you’re never away from the media no matter where you go.

The door war opened and millions of flashes descended into the mini-van alongside screams from the paparazzi, begging for a comment.

“Farlan! When are you having children?” “Levi! Is Hanji your girlfriend?” “Who are you wearing?” “What is it like coming back home?” “Why are you still single Marco?” “How’s the tour going guys?”

“Tour is going great thanks, we’re on the last few shows, been very successful.” Replied Farlan to the one decent pap, we normally had one of two that asked genuine questions whereas the others bombard us with nonsense.

We all arrived into the restaurant and were ushered off to a private room away from the general public. In the small rectangular room, there was a large table set up for our group with menus, little glasses of green tea and decorative table cloths. Already sat at the table was Erwin and Izzy having a serious-looking conversation, and Marco’s mother sat having a conversation with a bored looking Annie.

“Marco my baby!” His mother stood up and ran over to her son, capturing him in a bear-hug we all knew would come to us soon. She and Marco had very similar features with their freckles and black hair, but hers was incredibly long and usually drawn back in a plait. She also had a habit of wearing King Raven merchandise in public as well as flares. She and Hanji got on very well.

After receiving a hug from Marco’s mother each, we all sat down and had our noodles together. Izzy and Erwin continued to remind us of our responsibilities for after the lunch before returning to a conversation about press releases and interviews, Marco and Annie talked together with Marco’s mother. I, however, had a conversation with Han

“I’m not making it a big deal short-stack and I don't want to make this deep but you seem a bit weird” she said between mouthfuls in a hushed tone so that it was only between us.

“I just don’t like being the centre of attention and want to leave people to it, you know that” I softly replied, taking a sip of my green tea.

“I know that, but you’re also the bands lead guitarist and lead singer, you’re technically the front man. Usually you can tell that a bit more but you seem to be… I don’t know to be honest, just different”

I took a deep breath “I can’t explain it, there’s nothing wrong I just feel down for no reason” I said, staring at the cup of green tea I was holding in my fingertips, suddenly taking a great interest in the object.

“Look at me not that cup Levi,” Hanji whispered back, causing me to turn to look into her eyes “I am here to help you, you can trust me”

“I know shitty glasses, I’ll come to you if I feel worse. Let’s drop it” I said, noticing a girl with black hair enter the room.

Everyone silenced and looked over to her, suddenly confused by her entrance. Annie stood up and walked over to her, giving her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Marco smiled and looked over to me as she said “everyone this is my girlfriend Mikasa. Mika, everyone.”

I looked over to Marco’s mother, her reaction would determine whether or not it was safe for him to come out to her and to be honest, I was concerned. There is nothing worse than being betrayed and cast away and I didn’t want Marco to experience that.

To my pleasure, however, she stood up and walked over to Mikasa to giver her a hug. “An absolute pleasure to meet you!”

Mikasa, however, stood incredibly still and nodded seeming to dislike the contact. She, much like me, was wearing all black aside from a blood red scarf.

“She reminds me of you”

“In what way” I carefully asked Hanji, worried where it was going.

“She doesn’t want to get dirty from someone she doesn’t really know and doesn’t particularly seem to enjoy human contact”

“I see”

We stayed eating noodles for around another hour, and it was lovely. Everyone was happy and having conversations with each other once again, telling stories of our teenage years in London. Hanji and myself having one of those jokey conversations where your stomach hurts from laughing so hard, Izzy and Farlan interjecting every once and awhile and joining us in our laughter. 

Eventually, we had to leave so the band members and Erwin split the bill 4 ways and we all exited the restaurant, not before I gave a waiter a selfie.

“Can you say hi to my friend Sasha, she’s a massive fan”

“Hi to my friend Sasha” I said, looking into the camera before giving a brief forced smile and leaving the restaurant.

\- - -

“Annie is going to go to the VIP bit if that’s alright with everyone, along with the usual London suspects like my mum and Izzy”

“Sure, fine by me.” Farlan replied, once again tinkering with his drum kit.

“Can I be a VIP?” Hanji asked, bouncing on her heels as she had joined us on stage to do a soundcheck of our cover.

“You’re literally performing with us shitspecs, what do you fucking think” I replied, pointing to her bright yellow guitar that her husband had brought over for her.

“Stop bickering lets just do the soundcheck and chill before we go on” shouted Marco from the other side of the stage. And so we did.

\- - -

The crowd cheered after we had gone through one of our longer songs of the set “Thank you!”, Farlan shouted into the mic. “You’re beautiful” I rolled my eyes, he always ended up saying incredibly corny things whenever he was left to his own devices with the microphone.

“I’d like to invite a good friend of ours up here if that’s cool with you lot” I said after a glug of water. There were incoherent screams meeting my words, as usual, but I assumed they were positive.

I started to bring my guitar back to its usual tuning as I announced Hanji, whom was greeted by happy cheers. She was not so much of a celebrity, but everyone who had listened to King Raven for a while knew her as she had played guitar for us on a few of our tracks in the past and had been our support last year.

I looked over to the beaming woman and nodded as I spoke once again “This one is a song sung by one of the greatest vocalists ever to grace this fucking planet. This is [Like A Stone](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QU1nvuxaMA).”

The lights went down and dispersed cheers erupted from the crowd, some clearly not recognising the song and others the opposite.

Farlan counted us in with the steady drum beat and we all joined in to the mellow tune of the song. I even swayed slightly as I sang the lyrics of the first verse, being reminded of an Audioslave concert from when I was younger or listening to this song lying on the grass in a field in the middle of the night with an ex boyfriend.

_In your house I long to be;_

_Room by room patiently,_

_I'll wait for you there like a stone._

_I'll wait for you there alone._

For the second verse, I looked into the crowd as I had been doing on and off during the concert. On the front row I spotted a group of 3 singing along with me, one of which being Annie’s girlfriend Mikasa. This made me smile, unusually, as I was reminded of her cold expression when seeing her earlier. She was now smiling and laughing with her friends, this putting me at ease.

I got to the second chorus and looked over to Hanji, reminding her it was time for her solo and she nodded as I stood back slightly so more attention could be placed upon her.

While I stood back, I looked to Mikasa and her friends. All three of them were staring at Hanji, clearly enjoying the performance. I looked over for myself and saw her grinning expression and walked back to the microphone as I came back in.

_And on I read until the day was gone;_

_And I sat in regret of all the things I've done;_

At this, I looked over to the VIP section where Erwin was standing recording for our instagram story. I smiled and looked back upon the crowd.

_For all that I've blessed, and all that I've wronged._

_In dreams until my death I will wander on._

As I went into the chorus a final time, one of Mikasa’s friends caught my eye. He had stopped singing along and was instead staring directly at me, swaying along to the beat.

I smiled at the brown-haired boy and looked away quickly to finish the song.

\- - -

“Very successful everyone! See you all tomorrow.” We were in the green room as Erwin was saying his goodbyes to return back to his hotel room. I nodded and turned to Hanji.

“Do you want to go for a walk? I kind of want to talk tonight.” I said quietly to my friend.

“Sorry short stack but I’m seeing Moblit in a little while, maybe another time.” She patted my shoulder as I nodded, and then turned around to see who was left.

Farlan had already gone off with Izzy, Erwin was a no-go, Marco was on the phone with his horsey friend organising a meet up.

Just me.

\- - -

I decided to get a cab back to my apartment as I wanted to avoid running into Erwin again at all costs, I preferred it anyway and I could be more alone that way. After overpaying the cabdriver, I plodded upstairs to my from door and made a beeline to my balcony.

That night, when I had settled sitting on the balcony chain-smoking and drinking tea, I thought. I mentally went through all the things in my mind and in my life that I could think about.

At that point in time, I felt incredibly lost and empty. I just felt lost, like something was missing.

I was lonely, I had realised, no one was truly there for me like they were when I had a boyfriend, and I felt as though my love life had gone to shit the minute Erwin and I ended things. I had things on my mind from my childhood coming back to haunt me. And the absolute last thing I wanted was to perform in front of a large crowd again tomorrow.

What I really wanted was to sit on my balcony for the rest of my life and watch the world go by, maybe have someone join me and spend some time with me. But, alas, not everything turns out the way we always want it to.

I’m not sure what time I eventually went to bed that night but the sun had started to rise by then. In my dreams I thought about a life of privacy, simplicity and being surrounded by people that I loved and whom loved me. Maybe one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY I'M LATE!!
> 
> I put an excuse on my instagram (regular___john) but politics student living in the UK; last few days have been mad.
> 
> Next one will come as soon as possible, hopefully sooner than this one came though. ALSO Christmas special on the usual planned, just so you're aware. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and coming back for chapter 2, see you soon.
> 
> LIKE A STONE  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QU1nvuxaMA


	3. Ziggy Stardust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> King Raven's second concert in London.

The next morning I was rudely awoken to the sound of my front door slamming shut. Any normal person would be concerned that no one had said they would be coming over and that no one had a spare key anymore. I, however, knew better and got out of bed to brew me and my visitor some tea.

“Any preference?” I asked, opening my tea cupboard and taking out my clear teapot and two black mugs as the uninvited guest sat down at my kitchen island and opened her phone

“Peppermint pretty please, I’m tiiiired" she yawned as if on command and I grunted in an affirmative response.

“You wore that yesterday.”

I looked down at the jeans and t-shirt I hadn’t bothered to change out of after the concert and shrugged, silently seething at myself for doing something so disgusting.

“Whatever, what time is everyone coming over today?”

“No clue, no one has spoken to me so I assume they’ll just turn up and we can go over the setlist. Are you staying to watch again?” I asked her as I boiled the kettle.

“Yes please, I want to see the cover before the gig. Any ideas?”

“Well tomorrow I think we’re getting Izzy to duet with me and Erwin to play percussion or something, maybe you could join us? I don’t know about tonight though, just us 3 and something decent I guess” I poured the teas out and served up.

“Do a classic one with a nice guitar, like queen or Lou reed or something”

I picked up my cup by the rim and blew for a few moments, thinking about what song to do. I opened my mouth to share my ideas when my phone began to ring.

“What.” I said, turning the caller onto speaker.

“Farlan, Izzy and I are on the way up the lift right now, I also brought a friend I hope that’s ok” Marco nervously spoke.

“Fine, I just put the kettle on but I’m afraid we’re all out of hay” I deadpanned, highly aware the friend he was referring to was John or whatever. Hanji cackled, the sound reverberating off the walls as the call was ended on his end.

“How long have you been planning that one?” she asked, wiping a tear from her eye.

“Fuck off shitty glasses that was a spur of the moment joke” I replied, blatantly lying.

She grinned “You’ve totally been planning that since last night”

“Tch” I took a sip of my tea, “I’m not wrong though he does look like a fucking horse”

She snorted “Soon Marco will be fucking that horse though, play nicely”

“Okay okay fine” I did a brownie salute “I’m on my best fucking behaviour” I smirked, knowing this would probably not last.

-

“Right so what do you want to cover tonight” Farlan started, “Izzy and I have kind of decided we want to do tomorrow but we’ll tell you then so it’s up to the rest of you.”

I fiddled with my guitar, playing little riffs while Farlan spoke. I then looked over to Marco standing at the board whom was currently being whispered to the horse himself “Oi lovebirds, any ideas”

Marco blushed bright red and Jean glared at me as they moved apart, “You’re just jealous” Jean spluttered. 

I smirked “Whatever, shitty brat. Any ideas Freckles?”

“I fancy something classic as yesterday was quite modern-ish. You pick the song Levi” Marco quickly replied, giving Jean a pointed look.

“Me too actually. How about some Bowie then...Ziggy Stardust?” I said, playing the intro to remind myself. “But I also wanted to do a solo at some point if thats ok. At that point you two could go to the crowd for pictures or whatever like you used to” I deadpanned. The reality of this was that so less attention was on me and more was on my bandmates and whom would be lucky enough for a picture with them.

“Ooh great idea! We haven’t done that for a little while” Marco said, adding the words ‘Levi’s solo - we walk’ to the board where he believed a soft acoustic would fit best.

“Sure why not, to both actually. Sounds good” Said Farlan.

Marco moved from the board to his sleek black bass and we both looked to Farlan to count us in.

-

During our practice people had been coming and going, Hanji leaving with her husband and Annie arriving to watch us practice and leaving after a little while. Right at the end, Farlan and Izzy informed us they were going on a date so I was left alone with the lovebirds.

“Did I mention Mika and a few of her friends have bought tickets for golden circle on all of your London gigs? Because they have” Jean said, sipping the tea he had just poured himself.

“I saw her in the golden circle yesterday with some people despite the fact that we gave her a VIP pass, which Annie accepted. I was wondering why she would do that” I replied.

“Yeah they’re massive fans and like being at the front, I’m actually joining them at this one but I might need VIP for tomorrow” Jean commented, the cheeky fucker.

“Of course! That can definitely be arranged. Anyone booked VIP tomorrow Levi?” Marco got out his phone to check.

“I know theres that singer Anka and that metal duo Colt and Falco, aside from that I don’t think so.” I recalled.

“Perfect! I’ll get you a pass then Jean” Marco walked towards the door “I think we’re going out for lunch now by the way Levi, so we’ll see you at the arena at 4 for soundcheck?”

I nodded slowly and watched them walk out as I drank the last of my tea, and I enjoyed the silence. I absolutely loved music and all the joys it brought but I also loved having time for myself. I took this as the perfect opportunity to play my piano that I rarely ever used.

I walked to my music room and plopped myself down onto the cool leather seat and lifted the rim. Another wonderful part of playing music on your own is that there is much less pressure to get it right, meaning you can daydream while playing all sorts of rubbish.

As I played, I was transported back to my youth in my mind, as I had somehow instinctively played the one song that always effectively did this for me.

I was sat on the floor in my mothers house in Montpellier, watching her slim fingers play Clair de Lune by Claude Debussy. The sunshine was streaming in through the open windows along with a soft breeze and there was a soft smell of pastry from the bakery opposite the flat. I closed my eyes as a 6 year old boy and thought to myself that life couldn’t possibly get any better than this absolute bliss, and I was right.

That day in Montpellier was the last day we spent living our sheltered life of bliss before we were forced to move into a communal building we shared with other women in their own personal rooms. I don’t like to think about France after that point and count it as a blank, my childhood continuing once I moved to London

My piano playing was brought to an abrupt stop when there was a heavy knocking at my door, bringing me back from my small paradise I had created through my piano.

I slowly stood up and walked to my front door, and once opened was greeted to the sight of my manager and ex-boyfriend, Erwin Smith.

“What.” I bluntly said.

“Being an arse today then” He said, barging into my house and slamming the door shut without an invitation.

“What the fuck do you want eyebrows” I followed him to my kitchen and leaned on the doorframe with my arms crossed.

He sat on a chair on my kitchen island, “I want you to take on your personal assistant again. I know what you’re going to say-“

“Fuck no, not after all the abuse hurled at her last time saying her baby was mine” I spat.

“Petra knows the risks involved in becoming a personal assistant, but she’s off maternity now and can be your assistant again and I really think she should.”

I stared blankly at the man sat in front of me, confused as to why this was such a big deal.

“If you’re confused, it’s mainly so that you actually answer your fucking phone instead of leaving it on silent all the time and so that you get shit done quicker. Also, she might help you appear nicer in public instead of so grumpy whenever you meet fans. I’m getting Marco one as well and Izzy has agreed to officially be Farlan’s, even though that’s unofficially been the case since you guys started performing in that dingy pub”

I rolled my eyes “Who are you getting for Marco then fuckface” I said, moving from my position by the door to put the kettle on as I was craving a tea.

“I’m letting him choose, it’s only really vital for when you start writing your next album after this tour so he has time”

I nodded along with his words, slowly understanding that it may be slightly necessary.

There was silence after this aside from kettle slowly boiling in front of me, and I was increasingly aware of the man sat not too far away from me at my black kitchen counter.

“Can we talk again?”

I closed my eyes and gripped the sideboard as the string words I dreaded most came out of his mouth.

“What about” I said, again appearing uninterested.

“I really don’t think you meant what he said-“ his voice caught and I heard him gulp “you say you’re not ready to settle down but you aren’t exactly out partying every night or having flings all the time so I really don’t understand why you don’t want to”

I took a deep breath and opened my eyes, staring at my hands on the side “I’m just not ready Erwin, I can’t give you what you’re ready for. Our time together was wonderful, but I’m really not ready” I said.

I heard Erwin stand up behind me and I tensed at the kettle finished boiling. I felt a hand gently rub my back as Erwin softly continued. “I think you might be ready but you’re scared, is that what this is?”

I turned around and moved out of his touch to look at the man stood in front of me, his eyes glazed ready for tears and a sad smile on his face. He seemed so hopeful in that moment that I would turn around and say ‘yes, Erwin. I am scared but I love you and I want to spend the rest of my days with you. Please marry me and have babies with me’. However, I did the opposite.

“Erwin, I’m so sorry but I cannot do this. I still care for you greatly but I won’t be able to get back together with you. I’m sorry” I looked at my converse and shook my head.

“Look at me and tell me” He demanded, sadness weeping from his voice.

I did as I was commanded and spoke again more softly gazing into his eyes “I cannot do this. I can’t be with you”

The floodgates opened as tears began to freely fall from his face as I shattered the world around him and ruined his future. He began to shake and I reached up to wipe a tear, this time he let me.

“I j-just want a f-family, Levi.” He sniffled. I had never seen him cry like this in my life. 

“I know Erwin, but you won’t get that from me. You deserve someone who will give you the family you want, maybe a lovely lawyer or someone owning a bookshop or a doctor or even a policeman. You’ll find someone that isn’t me” I murmured, rubbing his arm as I spoke.

He looked down and back up to looking at me, a lost expression on his face.

“Tch.” I opened my arms and Erwin accepted my hug. We stood there in an embrace for a few moments before I patted him on his back and turned around to make my tea.

He cleared his throat, “Okay! Well I’ll be off then. Be at the arena at 4 on the dot, as I’m sure you will be. That is in 2 hours might I remind you so you might want to have a shower and wear some different black articles of clothing tonight.See you”

“Yep, thanks.. Bye” I bluntly said as I made my tea with my back facing him, and I heard the back door shut sharply. It was once the door was closed that I felt my own tears start to fall.

-

The stadium lights came on and the crowd cheered as we ended out song. “Thanks you guys!” Marco screamed into his microphone, earning a chuckle from Farlan over the band’s headset.

“Right you fuckers” I spoke into my microphone and moved it so that it was close to the ground. “You’ll have to give us a minute to set up but we’re doing two covers tonight” I said, awarding me with cheers from the crowd.

I walked backstage and swapped my Gibson SG for my old faithful acoustic I had had since my foster mother had bought it for me when I was 14.

I came back on stage and waved off Marco and Farlan as they were stood awkwardly waiting for me to get started. I sat down on the edge of the stage and angled the microphone to my mouth.

“So, I’m going to play to you a song that not many of you may know but it’s beautiful and fuck it” I said, earning laughs from the crowd.

I started the intro to the [song ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Gbj8-KZ69M)and I heard a few speckled shouts from in he crowd. Mikasa and one of her friends seemed to know this one two as they both screamed simultaneously as I began, while Jean stood next to them looking out for Marco heading in his direction. 

_You could be my unintended_

_Choice to live my life extended_

_You could be the one I'll always love_

I sang with my eyes closed as I played my guitar, bobbing my head to keep myself in time.

_I'll be there as soon as I can_

_But I'm busy mending broken_

_Pieces of the life I had before_

I went on to the next verse and I heard people screaming from in the crowd as Marco and Farlan made their way around. As I had hoped, all the attention was placed away from me. All but the same brown haired boy from last night, who was not even filming me but staring directly at me and singing along. I stared at him as I carried on singing, making him smile which made me smile.

_I'll be there as soon as I can_

_But I'm busy mending broken_

_Pieces of the life I had before_

_Before you_

I finished the song and the crowd erupted into cheers. “Thank you.” I said, standing up and looking towards backstage to see one of the stage crew walking on to swap me back my electric guitar for our next song.

“Can someone please haul up the arses of my two bandmates please, we have another cover to do” I said into my microphone as I tuned my guitar. As I spoke, Farlan walked on and Marco joined a few minutes later, blushing from supposedly seeing Jean. 

"Rude" He mouthed at me, picking up his bass guitar. 

“Cheeky prick” Farlan said over the bands headset.

“This next song is by my favourite artist of all time,” started Marco “It really means a lot to me, and so does he. He’s always been an inspir-“

“It’s fucking [Bowie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qrOvBuWJ-c)” Farlan said again over the headset, causing me to snort and face away from the microphone so I could laugh without anyone hearing. God love Marco but he always milks intros.

“Okay blablabla Its Bowie” Marco finished, sounding stroppy. I laughed again and looked up to Farlan as he looked at me, and then he counted us in.

1,2,3,4.

The lights came on as we did, yellow and using along to the music. I slowly banged my head along to the intro alongside Marco as we got into the song.

_Ziggy played guitar, jamming good with Weird and Gilly,_

_And the spiders from Mars. He played it left hand_

_But made it too far_

_Became the special man, then we were Ziggy's band_

I sang along rarely looking at my guitar as I had played this one many times before, and looked into the audience as I did. Quite a few people were singing along or filming, and some even dancing. But my eyes were once again drawn to Mikasa’s friend with the brown hair who was simply standing there smiling and singing along. Every time I looked at him I smiled and was reminded of when I used to go to concerts and aim for front row so I could live in the moment and enjoy the music.

_So where were the spiders, while the fly tried to break our balls_

_With just the beer light to guide us,_

_So we bitched about his fans and should we crush his sweet hands?_

-

“Good show everyone, now go to bed so theres that much energy tomorrow, if not double!” Erwin congratulated us after the show. “You were all great” He beamed, seemingly proud of us.

My mask of pleasure was slowly fading, however, as I felt myself ready to go home. “See you all tomorrow at mine then for the final setlist.”

“Yesss me and Iz can finally tell you what our grand plan is, we need everyone to join in and we mean everyone! Get the stage crew doing percussion or backing vocals, get Hanji on another guitar, Izzy can sing with you. It’ll be great” Farlan beamed as he ran through his plan, still refusing to give away the song until tomorrow.

“The suspense is killing me; goodnight” I said as I walked away from my chattering band members and put on a hoodie than I jogged home in, by some beautiful miracle unnoticed.

I’ll do this tomorrow, I thought to myself.

I reached my flat and ran up the stairs then immediately took a shower before putting on a random black t-shirt that was probably Metallica or something along with black joggers to sit on my balcony with my cigarette. 

Despite the mask Erwin has put on, I could safely assume he wasn’t doing too god right now as well. I had effectively told him that I would never be in a relationship with him ever again and I knew that that would hurt him, but I really couldn’t do anything about it.

I really wasn’t ready for a family.

I sat and finished my cigarette before I left my balcony to clean my apartment as I hadn’t done so for a few days now and the woman I hired to clean while I was gone missed an awful lot; this being why I fired here.

It would be a long but calming night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!
> 
> Hope this was alright for u lot.
> 
> Thanks for reading, next one will be a little while now as I'm taking a small small break but it won't be ages as I want to keep writing. 
> 
> (Follow my instagram @regular___john)
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qrOvBuWJ-c
> 
> ZIGGY STARDUST 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Gbj8-KZ69M
> 
> UNINTENDED (LIVE FROM WEMBLEY)


	4. Gimme Shelter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -warning, some readers may find this chapter triggering. You have been warned-

“Why does your house stink of bleach and air freshener? Did you finally murder someone?” Hanji had barged into my apartment as usual at the ungodly hour of 8 o’clock in the morning after my long 2 hours sleep. She was grinning manically, also as usual, and plopped herself down at the kitchen island. This had been a habit of hers for many years but it stopped briefly when she got busier, and she only ever does it now if the band is touring. Secretly, I like seeing her in the mornings as she can keep me company in the normal silent mornings.

“Yeah, when you go for a shit can you tell me if the pieces of the body have finished dissolving in my bathtub” I monotoned to the woman, turning the kettle on and retrieving two black cups.

She sighed, giving in “Was it a spring clean then? Is that why you’re wearing comfy clothes?”

“All these questions” I sighed then nodded, looking down at my dark grey joggers and long sleeved black top that went down to the tips of my fingers. After entirely cleaning my apartment, I gave myself the same treatment with a warm shower that lasted around an hour and ended with me wearing pyjamas.

“Well, that’s good. I assume this means you slept for once?”

I snorted in response, and moved to change the subject “Have you heard about this stupid PA thing? Erwin wants me to get Petra back and wants everyone to have a PA each.”

“Oh I know, it was kind of my idea actually.”

I froze from my faffing of the tea and slowly turned around, glaring at my friend.

“You fucking what?”

“Come on now! When do you EVER answer your phone or have any kind of social media presence or organise press meetings?”

“Erwin can do all that” I quietly said, looking anywhere but her face.

“You know that can’t really happen anymore now, don’t you? Not after you broke his heart and yourself in the process you dipshit.”

“Tch” I nodded and turned at the sound of the kettle finishing, continuing with out teas “I suppose theres an element of truth there. Dammit why are you always right.” She chuckled.

Once we finished our teas and had eaten pancakes delivered from one of those food companies, as we were both terrible cooks, I got changed and started getting ready for everyone to come over. It had become a sort of tradition that on the last day of our tour (this usually being in London); we would get everyone over who works on the album’s productions and general creation to a venue (again, usually my flat as it’s in London) and we eat breakfast and sing and talk about the tour for the whole day before going over in a mini bus to the evening’s venue. This trend started back when I was fresh-faced and 20, newly signed to a record deal and King Raven were on our first ever tour. Aah, simpler times.

Everyone who had worked on our most recent album, as well as a few friends, had slowly been trickling into my apartment, filling up my rooms and using every available surface to place tea cups and plates for the food they had brought with them (another tradition as it saved mass cooking). Around an hour later, after I had managed to drink 4 teas, we started to assemble into the music room.

“Everyone performing tonight please go into Levi’s music room! If you’re a spectator, then don’t come in. You’ll hear them through the walls as they’re very loud.” Erwin started to inform people, earning scattered laughs for his little speech. Hilarious.

“Am I a performer or a spectator?” Hanji prodded our manager as she gave her question.

“You’ll have to ask Levi or Marco, one of those two probably know.”

“Yeah, you’re doing our cover of the night with us three, Izzy and Erwin too” Farlan said to Hanji, “Come on in for the grand reveal”

I rolled my eyes and walked into my music room, all my friends setting up their instruments and laughing around, clearly excited for tonight.

I, for some reason, didn’t feel as excited as usual. I saw Marco talking with Jean and sharing a bacon sandwich and absolutely no witty remarks came to mind. I saw Izzy and Farlan exchanging light touches with eachother as they spoke passionately about God knows what, and still felt nothing. I even saw two of the people I am closest with, Hanji and Erwin, clutching their stomaches and laughing about something with eachother and still felt nothing.

“Tch.”

“Right! Are you ready for our surprise?” Farlan said, gaining everyone’s attention.

“I cannot contain my excitement” I said flatly, walking over to pick up my black Les Paul and waiting for tuning instructions.

“Izzy, you tell them” Farlan prodded his wife in the shoulder and her grin somehow widened.

“No more sarcasm bro you ARE excited I know it!”

I rolled my eyes.

“Readyyyyyy?… We’re all joining forces to play… [Gimme Shelter](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbmS3tQJ7Os)! That is The Rolling Stones, Erwin” Izzy grinned over at our manager, whom was sticking his tongue out at her. 

“Obviously I know them Izzy, shut up”

I felt a tap at my shoulder and turned to look up at Marco. “What’s the tuning?”

“C sharp for me, standard for you I think” I said as I started to turn the keys on my guitar.

“Okay” he nodded and walked to plug his bass in, as Jean came over holding out his phone showing Marco the bass tab.

“Okay so Levi and Izzy will be singing this one, Hanji can help Marco with backing but it is mainly a duet. Band on their normal instruments, Erwin is on percussion and Hanji, I’m afraid you’re also doing the piano but it’s fairly easy to pick up.”

“Can we listen to it once please? Just so I can hear what I’m doing” said Marco.

“Yeah hold on” Hanji skipped over to one of the empty amps and plugged her phone into the socket and pressed play..

-

“Thank you!” Marco shouted into his microphone, earning cheers from all around the stadium as applause from our last particularly energetic song started to slow.

“I think we have a little something-something coming up for you all for our next song” He continued, earning some more cheers from the crowd.

As Marco thanked our support acts, Farlan and I helped the others bring on all the other extra equipment needed for our collaboration with the help of our roadies. Normally we would have all of the equipment on stage already but we wanted to keep it a surprise for the audience.

“I’d like to welcome onto the stage… Hanji! Our good friend” Cheers. “Erwin, our wonderful manager!” Cheers. "Some wonderful members of our chew being our percussion" Cheers. “And, last but definitely not least. The band’s old singer from a time of when Levi only played guitar… Izzy!” The crowd erupted, almost as if the most famous person on earth had approached the stage. Everyone roared for Izzy, whom was beaming and waving manically at everyone.

“Hellooo London!” She shouted, and was answered by the same screaming by her many fans. “Wow, it’s good to be up here with my bro and my husband and all my friends in my favourite city. Thank you so much for having us.”

She was yet again responded to by cheers and screams from the audience, all now ready for the performance. I did a quick scan to see everyone hold their thumbs up at me to signify that they were ready.

“We’re ready Iz” I said into the band’s headset, talking to Izzy. She nodded and finished her speaking.

“Let’s see who can guess what cover we’re doing first” Izzy said, and the lights went down.

No pressure on me as I wasn’t given a countdown, my hands felt shaky and clammy but I took a breath and played my opening distorted chord, making sure to press all the right pedals. Cheers started to erupt as the lights came back with red and white flashes in time with Farlan and Erwin on their different percussions.

Izzy had started to dance along with the music as I walked over to the mic and began to sing.

_Oh, a storm is threatening_

_My very life today_

_If I don’t get some shelter_

_Oh yeah, I’m gonna fade away_

**_War, children_ **

**_it’s just a shot away_ **

**_It’s just a shot away_ **

**_War, children_ **

**_its just a shot away_ **

**_It’s just a shot away_ **

As I went through the next verse, I looked around me. I was onstage with my friends and, technically, my family. I felt my mouth slightly turn upwards as I felt suddenly proud of myself and where we had come to.

I went into the chorus and looked into the audience and spotted the boy with the brown hair in the front row staring at me once again. I winked at him without realising I had done it and he winked right back at me. I noticed a red mark on the side of his face that had winked and stopped to watch his face turn briefly to his other friend before turning to face me again. In that moment, we were simply watching eachother. I was still playing guitar but staring at the boy in the front with the possible injury on his face staring back at me. I nearly even went closer to see his face up front; but I settled for a grin and looking away to avoid any drama.

We finished the song and the crowd once again blew up with noise of applause for our performance, clearly going well. “Thank you for having me!” Izzy said, speaking into the mic.

While Farlan and her joked over the audio system, entertaining the crowd, the rest of us banded together to collect all of the bits from stage and get them off so that we could do our last few songs mess free. I was changing from my Les Paul to my Ibanez J-custom with vines traveling up the neck when it happened.

Erwin grabbed my arm and I was transported back to my childhood. Once again I was in that revolting room my mother and I were forced to stay in for 4 years with the other women in their own small rooms around ours. It was a time where I would have to hide in the closet while she had clients in so that she was allowed to keep me and I had to stay silent, but once I had a cold and couldn’t help but sneeze. The man that was in there grabbed my arm, just as Erwin was now, and flung me to the ground, unlike Erwin. He shouted at me in a language that was foreign to me, but I now know to be English and I was terrified. As I didn’t respond he kicked me and grabbed me by my neck, continuing to shout nonsense at me while tears rolled down my face. I distinctly remember my mother shouting for him to stop, pleading for the stranger to stop hurting me on her knees, grabbing at his arm.

“Oi.” Erwin snapped in my ear and I flinched, returning from my brief journey.

“What do you want eyebrows, I’m about to go back”

“I don’t like the way you winked at that kid, don’t do that again. Bad for image”

I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded, then was pushed back on stage to carry on with the show.

-

“Good show everyone, and generally well done this tour! You all played wonderfully this entire tour and I’m very proud of you. Best behaviour on your break.” Erwin said, pulling on his coat.

“See you in about a year then I guess” Farlan chuckled, raising his arm to rest on his wife’s shoulders.

Marco snorted, “Probably longer for me as I, unlike yourself Farlan, can do a song in under 25 takes. See you in a bit then”

Everyone laughed and turned away to leave. I, without a word, then did the same.

I pulled my hood over my head and tucked my hands deep into my hoodie pockets as I started to walk from the stadium. I went the opposite way to all the traffic of the people whom has just been watching us and decided it was going to be a long walk.

When on long walks, I normally ended up thinking about everything in life. I thought about how the crowd cheered for Izzy and how much her stage presence overtook mine. I thought about how happy and content everyone seems to be with their significant others. I thought about Erwin, everything he had said to me over the last few days and how that relationship was officially over after all this time. And finally, I thought about my mother.

My hand went instinctively to my chest as I felt out the ring dangling from the silver chain attached to my neck at all times in permanent residence for as long as I can remember. It wasn’t a particularly wonderful ring, simply a band of metal with a K for Kuchel engraved in cursive on the inside of the ring. I rubbed it as I walked and remembered the woman whom I was slowly starting to forget and forced my brain to give me something, anything, as a means of comfort.

I remembered one night I was in bed with my mother when I was around 7 and she was making up a story about a knight fighting a dragon. I told her that I loved to hear about those stories, but that I would never be strong enough to do that. I will always remember, she told me “Tu es fort. Vous n'avez pas besoin de tuer un dragon pour être fort mon amour. Je t'aime et je t'aimerai quoi qu'il arrive.”

{You are strong. You don't have to kill a dragon to be strong my love. I love you and I will love you no matter what.}

I often thought about that moment when I was sad, and I think about what she would say in every situation in my life. I imagine she would still love me for being gay, for being a musician, and for doing what I wanted to do with my life. I shook my head as tears fell from my eyes, I needed a hug from my mother right now but that was the one thing I would never have again.

I found myself climbing onto the side of the bridge that I was halfway across and looking at the small boats passing underneath me and the bobbing buoys. I looked down at the large drop beneath me and thought to myself, ‘not a bad way to go’ as I shook my head. Maybe this is the perfect time? Maybe this is how it was always supposed to end?

The bridge was quiet, the only noise being the sloshing of the Thames deep below me and the occasional siren from far off into the distance. I closed my eyes and started to edge myself closer to the edge, my legs dangling off the side as I felt the breeze on the exposed holes of my ripped black jeans.

“Wouldn’t recommend a swim at this time to be honest, the water is very cold” A voice said from right next to me. I tensed, startled and the noise and opened my eyes to see a boy stood looking up at me from the footpath with a camera around his neck.

“What the fuck are you doing here at this bloody hour?” I spluttered after a few moments of silence, saying the first thing I could think of.

“Taking a few pictures of London on my non-work camera for the fun of it. What the fuck are you doing here?” He replied

“What does it look like shit-for-brains?” I deadpanned, looking back over the river.

“And I’ll say it again, not the best weather for swimming.”

I rolled my eyes “You’re joking right?”

He hummed in approval “Yes you silly man of course I’m joking. Do you want to have a coffee and a chat about this then? You really don’t have to do this”

I closed my eyes and shook my head “Maybe I do.”

He breathed out and I heard noise beside me as the boy came and sat next to me. In the dark light I couldn’t tell what any of his defining features were but I could spot that he had a birthmark over the left side of his face.

“What the fuck are you doing shitstain?”

He chuckled “Oh, so I’m shit stain now am I? I’ll take it”

“Tch.”

“I’m sat with you, and I will be untillll you agree to get a tea or coffee with me and have a little chat. Doesn’t have to be about your problems or anything but I kind of want to chat to someone so maybe this will help both of us.

I looked at my hands and then back up at the boy, shaking my head.

“I don’t think that would be best for your mental health”

He smiled softly, shaking his head in response “I want to help you and I’m feeling kind of lonely, this would be good for the both of us. Literally a chat about anything will do.”

I started off to the river once again. This was not what I had expected to happen this evening, and I couldn’t help but mentally blame Erwin for bringing back the memory of that one encounter with my mother when I was younger. Of course he didn’t know that him simply grabbing my arm could bring back such terrible memories and get me feeling how I did…It wasn’t anyone’s fault. I took a deep breath.

I looked back at the boy sat next to me, a hopeful soft smile on his face. I smiled in return. “One coffee wouldn’t hurt”

He grinned one of the largest shit-eating grins I have ever seen at me and got back onto the footpath, giving me his hand to help me get down. I accepted and once I was on solid ground, for some unknown reason went in to hug the man that had just saved my life.

He froze initially in shock, completely understandably, but then went back to hug me. All my stupid emotions seemed to pour out at once and I cried, thinking of my mother and what she would think of me. Perhaps she would be proud that I had not gone through with it, I hoped so anyway.

After hugging the complete stranger for a few minutes, a few cars passing even, I detached myself and wiped my eyes.

“Sorry.” I bluntly said, moving my hood back to cover my hair as it had fallen in our hug.

He rubbed my arm and gave me another soft smile “Don’t apologise, okay?” I nodded, “Now lets get that coffee, hmm?”

I nodded in response and we walked slowly off of the bridge, side by side towards the shops. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hello, hiya. 
> 
> Cheers for reading, as per usual, sorry about the possibly triggering stuff in here. Goes along with the plot.  
> I had the idea for this fic from this exact moment on the bridge, I cannot say exactly who saves Levi but I imagine everyone can guess who it is, it's revealed next chapter but im pretty sure everyone can guess lmaooo. 
> 
> Again, thanks for reading. I'll be back soon :)
> 
> my instagram - regular___john
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbmS3tQJ7Os
> 
> GIMME SHELTER


	5. Walking After You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coffee in a cafe

After walking in silence with the random stranger for about 10 minutes, we arrived at a local 24 hours cafe on a dimply lit street in London. It had flickering neon signs in the window, and harsh LED lights inside. We walked into the quiet cafe that was playing soft music, and the man went for the counter, before I stopped him.

“Sit down you prick, I’m paying, least I can do. What do you want?”

He turned and shook his head for a few seconds, before saying “filter coffee and pancakes please”

I curtly nodded and placed the order at the counter to the tired looking gentleman, and tipped him quite generously for his efforts. I then went back to sit opposite the man whom had saved my life at a booth; yet again defend by silence. I was refusing to look at him, finding interest in the posters on the wall or the alternate menus or the television on the wall playing some soap opera in silent with subtitles, the soft guitar drowning out any possible noise. He also did the same, skimming over the laminated menu on our table. We sat like that until the man brought over our food, which is when I finally looked at the man sat opposite me eating his pancakes. Messy brown hair sat on top of a slim face with classically handsome high cheekbones and jawline. He had a red birth mark on his face, surrounding his right eye; and piercing emerald-green eyes.

“So, what do you do for a living” I began, taking a quick sip from my coffee after speaking.

The man looked up at me and opened his mouth to speak; then he froze on the spot, mouth slightly open and eyes filled with shock. “Oh. My-god.”

I raised my eyebrow “What? Do you not normally get asked what you do for a living? I was just making conversation..”

He closed his mouth and shook his head, “Am I asleep right now?”

“Is this some kind of riddle, brat? I asked a simple question, I can’t be bothered to solve a riddle”

He smiled, disbelief turning into joy “I know you.”

“That’s all well and good, mr. Stranger, but what do you do?”

“I’m a photographer for Trost Daily. I’m in the press.”

It was my turn to be shocked. What the fuck? I stood up and sidestepped out of out booth in silence, wanting to escape this unplanned interview. I had to get away from him.

“Wait!” The man stood up abruptly and grabbed my arm, causing me to tense up and momentarily remember what had set me off earlier with Erwin doing the same action. Yet, this stranger’s grasp on my arm seemed less angry and more gentle; as if it was a caring touch from someone close to you. I retracted my arm from his grasp.

“I’m actually a massive fan of King Raven, as well as a photographer.” He looked away and exhaled an apparent held breath, “What I mean to say is, that, I won’t tell a soul about what happened. I’ve been to loads of your gigs over the years, probably over 40 by now actually. I have every album and EP you’ve ever released too, so you could say I’m more of a mega fan. It’s the same with my sister and best friend, we all love your music” He scratched his neck, seemingly embarrassed with his outburst.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, why did my saviour have to be press? Why did this stranger have to fuck it all up?

“…Anyways, my name is Eren, Eren Jaeger. I don’t want to make this awkward in any way sooo.. What’s your name?”

I looked up at the man, Eren, in disbelief and momentarily refrained from speaking to look at his eyes. His left eye was the emerald green I thought but the right eye seems to have some flecks of a sort of hazel-brown.

“You know my name, brat” I said, the softness of my voice giving away the helplessness I was feeling.

“Humour me. Act like we’ve never met and that you’re not on every poster at all the tube stations on your big throne, or on all the posters around the city, or playing on every radio station.” He said.

I sat down and eren followed suit, looking at me in an almost hopeful way, which somehow made me happy. I wanted to make him happy for some reason.“My name is Levi Ackerman, it’s nice to meet you Eren”

He grinned, wide enough to take over his whole lower face, “Levi, huh? Where does that name come from then?”

“Well my mother gave it to me, as mothers do, I don’t know what it means if thats what you’re asking but yeah. Maman.” I said the last word softly, so much so that I’m pretty sure Eren didn’t hear. “What about you’re name?”

“I think it’s Turkish, my mum is Turkish and my dad German…” He trailed off and we descended back into silence.

I looked at the man as he looked back at me, he ever so slightly tilted his head at me and then reverted it to speak again.

“You don’t recognise me do you.”

I frowned, “What do you mean?”

He smiled wistfully before speaking “I was front row with my sister and best friend at all your London gigs, you smiled at me a few times I think and I definitely remember you winking at me earlier. You could’ve forgotten as you do so many shows and I won’t be surprised if you ha-“

“I remember” I nodded, cutting off his micro-rant “You’re very good with lyrics, but a bit shit at doing the whole recording thing on your phone”

“Well, I knew the covers were going on the internet, despite how tempting it was to record gimme shelter or like a stone. Plus I like living in the moment at your concerts, probably the greatest experience in the world is a King Raven concert”

“That’s very nice of you to say, thank you”

He nodded and went for his coffee. I did the same and took a sip and we went back into silence; but this time it appeared comfortable. He had a few more mouthfuls of his pancakes and I had a few sips of my coffee. We remained in a comfortable silence for a little while before Eren carried on speaking.

“Why do you hold your cups like that?” He blurted, cheeks dusted pink.

I frowned, “What do you mean?”

“You always hold your cups or glasses by the rim in the tips of your fingers, and you never even spill it when you drink it. Why do you hold it like that in the first place?”

I looked down at my hand holding the cup and was suddenly aware of what he meant, yet had never noticed it before.

“I’m not too sure… I’ve always held cups like this. I think my mum held hers like this too so maybe I got it from her? Who knows”

He nodded again at my words, seemingly satisfied with my response. “Fair enough, socialisation and all that.”

I nodded at him and put my cup down, leaning onto the table and crossing my arms to get comfortable. I noticed that the music had changed to a soft [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZSobH1wiiM) with light acoustic guitar and smooth vocals. It was relaxing and gave the quiet cafe a calm atmosphere.

“Sooo, what got you into photography?” I said, wanting to keep talking to the boy sat in front of me.

“Well, a few things. First of all, I lik-“

My phone interrupted him, blaring a Jimi Hendrix guitar solo. I looked down to see Erwin’s nickname come up on my phone.

“Shit, one minute brat” I quickly said, turning to face the wall as I picked up the phone.

“What do you want eyebrows.” Eren snorted at my nickname for the band’s manager, probably guessing whom it was as a mega fan.

“What the fuck are you playing at?” He shouted into the phone.

“What?” I answered, confused.

“I just got an email from a photographer for The Rose Mail, she has a picture of you hugging some random boy on Southwark bridge and has asked for a comment before they publish it tomorrow. What the fuck are you playing at?”

My heart sank. I distantly remember cars passing in my moment of weakness hugging Eren, and I also remember my hood falling to reveal my undercut.

“Ah. Shit”

“Yes, thats right, shit. Please explain to me what the fuck happened there”

I let go of breath that I didn’t realise I had been holding and looked over at Eren, seemingly confused at my reactions to my manager. I turned back around to face the wall.

“Just say that I met a fan on the bridge, he’s a big fan and overcome with emotions he hugged me. I simply hugged him back. That will sort out any rumours you are seemingly implying could come out, Erwin” I put to my manager.

I heard Eren sigh at my words, he seemed…frustrated?

“I’ll tell them that. What was actually happening thought because that is bollocks. You would’ve punched him in the face if it was a fan going in for a hug”

I sighed “You really piss me off sometimes eyebrows, I hope you know that.”

“Go on…”

I took a breath and murmured the words “I had a bit of a moment on the bridge, I came close to jumping. He stopped me. Happy?”

I heard a sharp intake of breath on his end. “Why didn’t you call me? I would’ve been there in an instant! Do you not trust me anymore? What did I do wr-“

“Erwin, please take a deep breath. I didn’t do it, its not your fault. I really don’t want to go into it right now so I’ll talk to you tomorrow, but please don’t worry.” I interrupted the man, my overprotective ex-boyfriend this being.

“…Fine.” I hear his breathing calm down over the phone, “where are you anyway?”

“At a cafe” I replied, failing to mention Eren’s presence.

“Ok fine, go home soon though please so you can get some sleep. I know you don’t sleep much but its good to try.”

“Ok fine I will, speak soon.” I said closing my eyes. Of course he was still overly protective of me after we broke up, it makes perfect sense. I just feel incredibly guilty every time he is moderately protective, like I’ve wronged him in some way.

“Ok Levi, be safe” and he hung up.

I opened my eyes and slowly moved the phone away from my head, seeing the lock screen of Erwin eating sushi in Japan from a few months ago. I shook my head and unlocked my phone, going into settings and changing it to one of the standard ones that came from my phone.

“Come oooon, standard pictures are such a cop out. You must have something pretty to use” I heard the boy opposite me said. I smirked, briefly forgetting his presence and glad he didn’t mention that Erwin used to be my lock screen.

“I think I need to take more pictures because they’re mainly stupid ones of Marco and Farlan or food I’ve had abroad or dogs I’ve seen”

“You cook AND like dogs? That’s awesome.” He said, his smile returning again, giving me butterflies in my stomach. I was happy that I made him smile.

“I’m a shit cook actually but yeah I like food and I love dogs”

“Oh… well I love cooking and food in general, and I also love dogs. Look” He got out his phone to reveal his lock screen, a picture of a Samoyed.

“Oh my god that dog is adorable” I said, leaning in to look closer.

“His name is Shaun.”

“As in… shaun the sheep?”

“Yes!” We both laughed for a little while at this, me mainly because I couldn’t figure out why he would name a Samoyed after a fictional sheep.

“Well, maybe you should take some more pretty photographs of London for your lock screen, can’t go wrong with having your favourite place” He grinned.

“Thats a good idea, I should do that” I paused and turned on my phone again to see the sorry excuse of a lock screen, and seeing ‘3:02’, “Maybe we should go home now, it’s kind of…early”

He nodded, looking at his home screen at the same time, “Yeah, I live about a 20 minute walk away from here so we could walk, if you live near the Islington area.” He looked up from his phone.

“My apartment is in Clerkenwell so not too far from Islington. A walk sounds perfect.”

-

We walked to my apartment and took the longest possible route we could. Of course, we didn’t explicitly say ‘ _let’s take a really unnecessarily long route so we can talk for longer_ ’, but it was definitely something we agreed on. Or at least, something going through my mind.

We mainly talked about London, how we had both grown up here and incredibly passionate we were about the city in general. We shared notes on the best little places to go for coffees and the best parks to read a book or to people watch. In regards to our hobbies of reading and drinking tea and coffee as well as listening to music, we had a lot in common. On the other hand, our lifestyles were incredibly different. We both suffered through having a London flat, but mine have paparazzi outside from the loose hours of 7am-12pm. We were galaxies away from eachother in terms of social circles and the like, so we were unlikely to ever see eachother again.

We reached my flat, which thankfully had no press outside, and I turned back to face him. “Well, I hate to end out wonderful discussion but this is me” I said lightly.

“I see… well I guess I should leave you to it then” he smiled wistfully, looking disappointed somewhat.

“Thank you, Eren. For everything. Obviously saving me but sharing this evening with me and putting up with me”

He nodded along with my words, “I wasn't putting up with you, I was lonely myself so it was nice to talk. Make sure to call someone you trust and tell them everything. It’s much better to talk about it all than it is to bottle it all up”

“I will, thank you so much” I said again, as if in goodbye but refusing to leave my spot.

Eren walked over to me and retrieved a little white pouch from his pocket, “For your next coffee?” He said, handing over the sugar sachet.

“Tch. Is this from that cafe?”

A mischievous grin appeared on his face,”…Perhaps.”

“Cheeky git.” I said, accepting it with a small smirk on my face. “Thanks, brat.”

“Goodbye, Levi” He said, as he turned his back on me and went in the direction of Islington.

“Goodbye, Eren.” I responded, watching the man walk away from me until he turned the corner.

-

I lit a cigarette and sat on a chair on my balcony, waiting for my friend to pick up.

“What the fuck do you want short stack its 4am”

“Don’t call me that” I said to my friend, having a drag and moving to sit cross legged in the chair. I had changed into a black long sleeved t shirt and dark grey shorts and my legs were slightly cold in the brisk London air.

I heard movement on her side of the phone and then she carried on talking, sounding more awake “What’s wrong?”

I took another drag, almost as if for courage, and persisted. “I nearly killed myself today Hanj”

She gasped, “What? Are you ok? What happened”

I exhaled and began to talk, “Well, there was a lot in my mind and something must’ve triggered me. I was on a bridge ledge, I’m lucky he stopped me.”

“He? Who stopped you? Was is Erwin?”

“No, actually. It was a guy who was randomly walking the bridge at the same time. He saved me and we talked for hours and I feel better now”

“A random guy? At least someone was there to help you. Do you want to talk about it? I could get a cab over now if you want.”

“We could meet up tomorrow for coffee somewhere, if thats ok? I feel like if I talk about it now it wouldn’t be the best”

“Sure! Of course, send me the time and place and I’ll be there for you.. So this boy” she continued.

“What?”

“Well…was he cute?”

“Tch” I made a half-hearted laugh, “Yeah he was actually really cute. Like, borderline hot”

“Weeeeeeell did you get his number? Do I get to hear his name? When are you going on a date? Can I watch?”

I shook my head, “I didn’t get his number and we’ll probably never see eachother again which is for the best. He’s a member of the press.”

“Shiiiiit thats rough”

“Yeah…”

“Well! You never know, he might get commissioned to do a piece on King Raven one day and you guys can be reunited.”

“Maybe…” I continued, suddenly remembering the man laughing at something that I couldn’t remember at the cafe. His whole face lit up, the brown-gold flecks in his right eye appearing on fire and his grin taking over his face.

“Okay, text me the details for tomorrow and I’ll see you then. It’s kind of late so maybe you should try and sleep?”

“Alright”

“Message if you need me”

“I will. Don’t worry. Thanks Hanji”

“Always. Night Levi”

“Night”

I hung up the phone and stayed on the balcony for a while, thinking about the boy in the cafe and how he would eventually fade from my memory. I reached into my pocket for the sugar packet he had given me and smiled at it. It was a silly little thing but it meant something to me so I put it into my wallet, while thinking of the boy. I shook away the thought, put out my cigarette and went to bed, as was becoming a nightly routine, feeling tired for once though and ready for a good nights sleep; inevitably invaded by a certain pair of green eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back just over a month later!
> 
> Thanks for sticking with this, means a lot. 
> 
> https://www.sonder.com/destinations/london/Sonder-Back-Hill-Architectural-1BR-Terrace/c19905 (this is kind of what I except some of Levi’s flat to look like. Obviously his is bigger, and there’s more black and stuff but yeah the bathroom and kitchen are pretty much spot on).  
> Definitely in Clerkenwell tho because its really trendy and has loads of smart flats taking over industrial places. Look it up or go on google earth, you’ll see what I mean. 
> 
> my instagram - @regular___john  
> follow for chapter updates, I sometimes explain chapters or song choices, we can have a chat, whatever!
> 
> WALKING AFTER YOU  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNwkN9vrUYY
> 
> [the whole thing with the songs,,, They make sense with the chapters, I had them in mine while writing them, u can listen if u want but theres no obligation obviously.]


	6. Rêverie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible TW near the end, slight mention of assault. Sorry in advance.

_I sat in the meadow, it was gently flowing like a sea of green and rustling in the breeze under a pale blue cloudless sky; in one hand I grasped a cup of green tea, the other a book that seemed to comfort me. My red picnic blanket seemed to act as a raft in the great expanse of pasture, holding me and my small radio playing soft[Debussy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKGRssiqKV0). All was calm, the only noise being that of my radio and the gentle whisper of grass when suddenly, a soft voice spoke from a little while away._

_“Why do you hold your cups like that?”_

_I turned see the bright-eyed boy from the bridge and the cafe. Eren. He was standing a little off from me, not standing on my blanket but appearing submerged in the grass._

_I frowned, this felt familiar, “What do you mean?”_

_“You always hold your cups or glasses by the rim in the tips of your fingers, and you never even spill it when you drink it. Why do you hold it like that in the first place?”_

_“I-“_

_“And don’t say your mother taught you, I know that’s a lie”_

_I smirked, “Its, silly”_

_He walked over to my blanket and pointed towards it as if asking for permission._

_“Go for it.” I said, unable to control the peace seeping from the phrase._

_He gently placed himself opposite me, next to the speaker, and leaned on his hand. “You were saying..”_

_I sighed, “I held a teacup a good few years ago now by the handle, and it was so old and brittle that it broke and tea went all over me and I had so much cleaning to do. Ever since, I’ve been so panicked about spilling tea on myself that I hold it like this”_

_He grinned, satisfied with my response, “I knew you’d open up to me one day.”_

_I raised a quizzical eyebrow at the comment, “You did?”_

_He leaned over to grab my teacup, “You don’t mind, do you?”, motioning to the cup in question, his mismatched eyes bearing into me._

_“Uh-“ I started, feeling heat rise to my cheeks._

_“Good.” He took the cup from my hand and drank from it, holding it as I did. He somehow didn’t spill any and placed it onto the floor next to the speaker. “Now, about that opening up.”_

_My eyes grew as I stared at the boy “excuse me, brat?”_

_The boy raised himself up and manoeuvred himself so that he was sitting impossibly close to me, I was acutely aware of his arm behind me. He leaned in towards my ear, I could feel his breath on my neck as he prepared to speak._

_“Levi_ **_-_ RING RING _"_**

_“What?!” I jerked away, shocked by the sudden change in pace. What the fuck was that noise he just created?_

**-RING RING-**

_It was increasing in volume, all the while the meadow and the music faded leaving only a pair of mismatched eyes burrowing into mine._

**-RING RING-**

I jerked awake, the grey walls of my London flat replacing the green and blue peace I was just in. I groaned and flailed my arm around on my bedside table until I found my phone. I brought it to my face and squinted to read.

**-Captain America calling-**

I groaned again and answered the call, assuming it was important.

“Eyebrows. What do you want.” I spat down the phone, angry at the man for ruining my lovely dream.

“Look at the news, you’re on it”

I put the man on speaker and begrudgingly opened up the news app, turning to the entertainment section as I immediately assumed it wouldn’t be front page.

“Huh.” Sure enough, front page of the entertainment magazines all seemed to read along the lines of ‘King Raven frontman gives hugs to fans?’ ‘Ackerman shows loving side’ ‘celeb cuddle on bridge’‘spotted! secret midnight softie’

“What do you mean ‘Huh.’ Levi, this is huge. Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”

I rolled my eyes, “So what I hugged some fan on a bridge, papers love it, gives the band positive attention. What’s the big deal?”

“The big deal? That member of the press that took those pictures could’ve been on the bridge a few moments earlier and seen you preparing to jump. Do you have any idea how damaging that is for the band?”

“Well, they didn’t see what I was doing, so you can stop fretting about the precious band. All the attention is good” I was scrolling through the articles, all seemed to start with information about the incident and went on to talk about the tour and my usual apparent ‘prickliness’.

Erwin made a deep sigh down the phone, “I rang Hanji this morning, she sounded concerned about you because of… it.”

“Well, I guess _it_ was concerning, and I did call her at stupid o’clock this morning to let her know. I’m meeting her for tea or coffee in a bit though so it’s okay, don’t worry”

“I am worrying Levi, this is so unlike you”

My breath caught as I opened my mouth to speak, but no noise left my mouth.

“Okay I’m coming over.”

“Please don’t” My voice caught again and I cleared my throat, “Just don’t. I’m fine, Erwin, honestly.”

“Are you certain that you’re seeing Hanji? I don’t mind if you don’t want to see me but you need to see someone at least”

“Yeah, I’m going to call her and organise meeting”

“Okay, well, please keep me updated.”

“Just like that?” I questioned my ex, normally he was much more persistent.

“I respect your space, Levi. And I want you safe. Plus, I don’t want to fuck it up anymore than I already have.”

“Erwin, you didn’t-“ The phone line went dead.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, speaking to Erwin as coldly as I have been was hard. I noticed my hand absentmindedly moving and realised I was stress wiping my bedside table. I retracted my hand and rubbed my face with the palms of my hands. I needed to see Hanji.

-

The place that Hanji had chosen to meet was very hipster, an incredible jump from the cafe i had been in a few hours previous. Instead of white tiles the cafe had dark blue paint with artsy paintings hung at haphazard angles displaying single brush strokes of colour. The furniture was dissimilar with every chair being ornate and unique, some with children’s scribbles on them and some expertly carved into.

I avoided looking at the prices on the menu over the counter as I went to find Hanji sat in a dimly lit booth with enough cover to take off my hat and glasses and go unnoticed.

Hanji organised the meeting place and she was wearing an orange jumpsuit covered in tiny embroidered flowers and her hair was in a crazy bun kept up with a paint brush. I slid into the booth on the opposite side to my friend and plucked up a menu. She was typing furiously and had briefly looked up at me to acknowledge my presence but went back to her phone to continue with the supposedly important message

“What will it be?” The waiter came over, he had a noticible tattoo of a swan on his forearm and his short black curly hair had specks of blue and green dotted in it.

“Black coffee for me and the avocado toast and lemon thingy sounds good. Le-“

“Can i have a jasmine tea please, and a croissant”

“Of course you can sir, will that be the ham and cheese or the praline croissant?”

“Ham and cheese please”

The man nodded and walked away, without taking down any notes Levi spotted.

“Okay short stack, now we’re here please tell me what’s going on” she placed her phone in her pocket and crossed arms onto the table.

I sighed and put the menu back where I had found it, and rubbed my hands on my black jeans. I was also wearing a dark grey hoodie that was far too big for me that used to belong to a past boyfriend of mine. Although we had broken up a long time ago, wearing it still brought my comfort.

“It… It’s a lot of things all at once” I sighed, avoiding her gaze as I leaned back with my hands resting on the table.

“This is what I mean, Levi. This is why you shouldn’t bottle things up. If you hide every single bad thought or event that occurs and you never talk about it, one day it all spills out. Like that day you told me what happened to your mum and how you ended up in England. You never spoke about it to anyone and it all -“ she made a blowing-up motion with her hands “yeah.”

“I recall that day, was a shit day”

“How old were we?” She said, a small smile spreading on her face.

“Fourteen, about a week after I settled into Nanaba’s house”

“I remember, I’d been there about a year by then when you showed up. Skinny and covered in bruises, you had a black eye on the day we met you. I remember her asking I you wanted a drink and you said tea and she bolted to the kitchen to retrieve a teapot and brew you some. God I loved that woman”

“We were on her roof when I told you, I gave you your first cigarette”

“And ruined me forever” she grinned.

I snorted, “You were the first person I had hugged in four years. Did you know that?”

Her smile softened as she tilted her head, “and here I am again. What’s on your mind?”

I sighed and looked away just as the waiter came back with our food and drinks.

“Do you guys need anything else” He said.

“We’re good thank you” Hanji spoke for me; he nodded and walked away back off to the kitchen.

“Is it Erwin?”

I sighed as I poured some jasmine tea from the pot, words spilling out as easily as the tea. “I broke up with him because I’m not ready for a family and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to do that with how things are, especially not in the extremely pressurised environment of dating my manager” I looked up to see Hanji holding her coffee in both hands and blowing on the dark liquid “Maybe I’m overreacting.”

“You were together for two years. Out of your somewhat impressive list, that is the longest is it not?”

I rolled my eyes at the comment about my list, “Yes it was the longest”

“Well then, it is perfectly understandable to be struggling, you’re basically mourning a great loss. You say you don’t want a family, right now with your mental health I think that is for the best.” I nodded and took a sip of my tea, “I also think its for the best that its not with Erwin, as you say its a very pressurised environment to be in”

I nodded again and swallowed a bite of my croissant. “You’re right.”

“What else is on your mind?”

I picked up my cup with no intention of drinking from it, more for the comfort of holding something and took a deep breath. “Well, Erwin reminded me of a situation I had when I was younger of being beaten up by one of my mother’s clients.”

“So he triggered like... a flashback?”

“Yeah.”

“Has that happened with him before?”

I looked down at my teacup and exhaled a breath I hadn’t realised I had been holding. “Yeah. A few times”

“You can’t get rid of the association of it?”

“Indeed.”

She reached across the table and rubbed my arm affectionately, as she had done many times in the past. “I think you’ve done the right thing, Levi. It was hard, and will probably continue to hurt for a while but it was the right thing to do.”

Throughout my relationship with Erwin, I had had moments where he reminded me of bad things that had happened to me in my childhood like getting beaten or suffocated. Of course he had never laid a finger on me in such a way, but sometimes I would catch a certain look in his eye or he would hold me in such a way that I would immediately be reminded of what had happened to me. I had never mentioned this to anyone because I knew it was silly of me to think it, but it had progressively worsened over our relationship and I couldn't get it out of my head. 

I nodded and took a little sip of me tea, “I needed that, I think, Thank you.”

She smiled and had a sip of her coffee, "Right then, what's next on the agenda?"

I snorted and put my cup down, "Next, I deal with the press." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, hope you're all staying happy and healthy in these rather grim times. 
> 
> Apologies for the massive delay, but I don't really have a set timescale for posting these chapters anyways. 
> 
> Thanks for having me and thanks for reading. 
> 
> my instagram - @regular___john  
> follow for chapter updates, I sometimes explain chapters or song choices, we can have a chat, whatever!
> 
> RÊVERIE  
> { https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKGRssiqKV0 }


	7. ...Like Clockwork

“You’re probably wondering why I have asked you both here on such short notice” began Erwin. Petra and myself had gathered in his office at the top of one of many tall towers of London, this being an unreasonably long lift journey. He had had this office for around 4 years now, and summoned people here as often as he could to flaunt the golden records on the wall, or the array of trophies and awards we had won in varying award ceremonies over the years as a band .

“I think we can both hazard a guess” bluntly replied my assistant Petra. We had travelled here together upon receiving his phone call, Petra arriving at my flat with an earl grey in a reusable cup and a croissant. This was something she had done years ago when she was my assistant and I never asked or told her to do so, she just always did it as she knew it made me happy. I was actually incredibly grateful to have her back by my side after her maternity leave, after all the controversy that had arisen when she was pregnant had left me without a good friend and it was a relief to be somewhat back to normality.

“Well, we need to organise an interview with the press to clear this story, don’t we. It’s all well and good me commenting for you, Levi, but they need to hear the excuse from you otherwise nothing will move forward…Levi?”

I nodded to confirm i had heard and received a huff of annoyance from my ex-boyfriend. I was fiddling with a sugar sachet from my wallet that brought back happy, simple memories without any sort of celebrity related issues. “I don’t want to do TV.”

“You never want to to TV,” he sighed, “one day you’ll have to go on TV without the band Levi, you’re the fucking front man. Other frontmen are on talent shows or bake off or quiz shows or even doing solo albums, but never you”

I grunted a noise in response.

He sighed and looked to Petra, “What do you think?”

“I think my boss doesn’t want to do TV”

“I think we all got that one, smart arse. I meant with the media situation, how are we going to sort this out?”

“Well, we could organise a meeting in a non televised setting; with a magazine or a website or something”

“That sounds good, any preferences...Levi are you even listening? Any preference?”

I finally looked up and locked eyes with Erwin, “Anything but Trost Daily.”

-

“Everyone has been talking about the picture haven’t they, can you explain the situation for me?” The interviewer began, flattening out a notepad in front of him after taking a swig of his black coffee.

I took a sip of my own coffee and put it down onto the table and cleared my throat. Normally I drank tea but with interviews or television performances I always drank coffee for some reason; drinking tea always felt more personal.

“I was walking along Southwark Bridge back from our concert that night, it was the last of our world tour actually and it was a really fun gig. I crossed paths with this guy and he was really overwhelmed to see me as he said he’s a massive fan and has never seen us live” the lie came easy enough, “so when he went in for a hug I was happy to oblige. That’s all there is to it”

The man was furiously scrawling onto his notepad and I took the time to look out at the cafe I had only beed to a few days ago with my friend Hanji to discuss the very same event, although I had not lied then or worn an outfit planned out by someone who was apparently my new stylist. I had had a few stylists in the past but I always hated having one as I felt ridiculous, wearing something I would never dream of wearing. My stylist today, Anka, had plopped me into some black trousers with very thin grey stripes on them, as well as a white t-shirt and a black leather jacket. She has been much closer to what I would normally wear and for that I was thankful.

“I thought as much, I wrote an article about it “King Raven frontman gives hugs to fans?”, you may have seen it- do you always give hugs to fans? You always seem so moody and you never do VIP?”

I wanted to laugh at the man for calling me moody, different people had different perceptions of my attitude. Some called me arrogant and rude whereas some called me brooding and mysterious. Either way, I had to have a reason for being bland.

“Well, as a band we’ve never done VIP because collectively we feel bad about charging people money to meet us when some people can’t afford it and we feel bad to segregate people in that way. Whenever an opportunity arises we get closer to the people at our concerts, we do smaller charity gigs quite often where we talk to everyone and get requests from the people who come-“

“You never refer to them as ‘fans’, they refer to themselves as all sorts of things like “raven subjects” or “creatures” like the name of your 2nd studio album _The Creature_ but you never refer to them as your fans. Why?”

“It’s weird, but it always felt rather pretentious to me, I don’t really know why but it seems to belittle the people who listen to us for some reason, they’re just a group of like-minded individuals who join to listen to music and have a good time”

After that, the interviewer seemed focused on talking about the ‘ _fans_ ’ and all that to give his article an entirely new angle, deciding to give the headline “ _King Raven : friends with their fans_ ”. After he had finished, he went through the pictures his photographer had taken of me on the way here at London ‘beauty spots’ as he referred to them like a red telephone box or next to a red bus to use as the cover for the piece. He seemed rather pleased with himself and shook my hand before we stood up to leave.

Once he turned the corner of the shop I went down an alley and quickly fumbled to get a cigarette from my trouser pocket and light it as soon as possible while I leaned on a wall. I plugged in my headphones and pressed [play](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Cub_Fvyalg) on the last thing that was on and closed my eyes to calm down. Whenever I did interviews or meeting I got ‘ _unreasonably stressed_ ’ Erwin always said, worried I’d sound too fake or too moody or too anything and being obsessed with giving the perfect answer; like it was an exam and not a simple interview. I was aware getting anxious over it was futile but I still couldn’t do an interview without being really nervous about the outcome.

Randomly, a certain mismatched pair of eyes came to mind and I thought of the possibility of being interviewed by him. I had turned down even the idea of a Trost Daily encounter but one day our paths had to cross again and I had to wonder how I would fare during that interview or his photography session. I couldn’t help but think I would be okay, that I wouldn’t be nervous or stressed but it would feel just like our conversation in that cafe what felt like a million years ago.

After my cigarette had been reduced to a smouldering filter, I paused my music and slowly stalked back onto the pavement, forcing my hand out to try and get a taxi. I saw a white flash out of the corner of my eye and knew the paps had somehow found me, before more arrived and started to photograph me attempting to get a cab.

“How was your meeting?” “Do you still smoke, Levi?” “How is your relationship with Hanji Zoe?” “What are you doing now the tour has ended?” “When are we going to hear new music?” “What happened on that bridge?”

I tried to ignore them as I tried a different oncoming taxi, this one slowing down and pulling up perfectly so I could get in the back seat.  
  
“Have a nice day” I said blandly to the photographers as I got into the car.

“Levi Ackerman! A pleasure as always to pick you up!”

I looked up to see the taxi driver grinning at me. I always tried to take taxis when I wasn’t doing ‘rockstar things’ as Hanji put it and avoid using Pixis so I could support the local community; or whatever.

“And a pleasure to be riding with you” I rolled off Petra’s office address and rang my personal assistant as the cabbie started our drive.

“Hello, this is Petra Ral”

“Hey, Petra its Levi I’m on the way over”

“Oh brilliant! How was the interview”

“Boring as fuck, but went well” the cabbie snorted and I gave him a side grin.

“Good, see you soon then” and she hung up.

The drive to the office was relatively painless, the driver playing a pop radio station he seemed to enjoy and the conversation with him was small, every now and again mentioning London traffic or the weather. As we pulled up outside, I reached into my wallet to take out some money.

“Oh no, please! This one is on me, as long as I can have a selfie with you, my daughter is a massive fan”

I obliged and gave him a half smile, to which he chuckled and before he drive off I gave him a fifty pound note and winked as I walked up the stairs to go to Petra’s office.

-

_Eren_

I ran, my legs screaming at me to slow down as I was somewhat hungover from drinks with my friends the previous night, my head pounding making my ears ring and my eyes felt sore but I ran. I couldn’t be late, I couldn’t miss it.

I ran down the stairs, shouting half-hearted apologies at people on the stairs as I ran down and reached the platform as the train pulled up, and I kept running until I was safely aboard. I had been late yesterday and I really didn’t want to have to repeat that situation again.

My journey to work wasn’t too bad, getting on at my local overground stop of Highbury & Islington towards Croyden and staying on until reaching Canada Water and changing to the Jubilee line where I would stay on until reaching Canary Wharf where Trost Daily headquarters was located. The walk was only 10 minutes and I always had my earphones to listen to music with so It wasn’t took bad then either, my only pain was getting in on time so I could get as much done without having to rake in overtime.

I slumped against the door that I knew would not open during my journey as I reached for my phone and pressed shuffle on my playlist, only to be immediately greeted by the deep and husky voice of Levi Ackerman. I had not told anyone, but only a few nights ago I had met this absolute God of a man walking around London! And, better yet, we had a long conversation and he bought me pancakes, and he was in possession of something I had given him, unless he had thrown it out by now. Whenever I listened to King Raven now, I immediately thought of the man talking passionately about the city we both loved, about Hampstead Heath park and Camden nights out. It made me smile, knowing I had this little memory of my own to cherish about this man, the fact that he might remember me, or that I might cross his mind; but of course I knew that to be futile.

After a few songs, the train stopped at Canada Water and I got off to join the underground as always. At the platform, I passed at least 3 different King Raven posters, one being a list of tour dates and another the one that was plastered all over London. The three of them were sat on black thrones, Levi sitting in the centre on the tallest throne. They had black crown each, Farlan and Marco looking down and away from the camera but Levi staring directly into it, his steely grey eyes bearing into me. They all wore black clothes of some description and looked much more menacing to how they looked when they came out on stage, in jeans and graphic t-shirts. But Levi always wore black, or at least mainly black, and people always assumed it to be a ‘statement’ as the front man, but I had always thought black simply suited him best.

I tore my eyes away from the poster and delved deeper into the station, trying to avoid the gaze of other irritable commuters and focus on walking. I was aware I was passing more King Raven posters, and I even saw a couple holding hands and both wearing King Raven t-shirts both from differing eras of the band. I almost wanted to stop and tell them that I had met Levi but I knew that wasn’t a good idea. Although I had met my idol, the one man I had found inspiring and ultimately incredibly talented my whole life I didn’t want to share that memory; plus I don’t think he wanted people to know either.

Suddenly, I was aware of the song that was playing through my earphones, knowing it to be a favourite of mine called ‘waves’.

_The waves whisper to me, calling me to the soft sand_

_The water sweeps over my feet, surrounds where I stand._

The song was a sadder one, Levi playing soft guitar chords over a steady drum beat and simple bass line, the song was minimalist but I always thought it was particularly stunning. I couldn’t help thinking of the sad man sitting on the ledge of the bridge, contemplating his life to give it up to the waves of the Thames. There was a pang of pain blossoming deep in my chest as I thought that he could still feel this way and next time someone might not be there to stop him, thus ending the beautiful music career of a genius.

Over the song I heard a guitar playing in the distance and I removed my earphones, to hear a busker playing an acoustic variation of one of King Raven’s most popular songs ‘At Last’

_At last, when all the summer shine_

_That warmed life’s early hours is past,_

_Your loving fingers seek for mine_

_And hold them close - at last_

I remember watching an interview of Levi explaining the thought process behind that song, how that lyric came from a poem. I researched said poem and started to read it but I got bored after a while. I thought, rather ridiculously, I could be so intellectual as to have something in common with a musical legend. Now that I have met him, we seemed more alike than I could have ever hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> Poem mentioned is by Elizabeth Akers Allen, and I thought I’d give a little perspective in this one to the different lives of Levi and Eren. Sorry for the ridiculous and nonexistent updating schedule, I’m going to try to be more consistent as well as regular (you’d think with a name like regular_john I would). 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you’re all staying healthy and happy in these weird times. If you fancy a chat about anything my instagram is @regular___john 
> 
> Cheers :) 
> 
> ...LIKE CLOCKWORK 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Cub_Fvyalg


	8. Starshine

A week had passed since I had my interview, making it nearly two weeks since our last concert, and I still could not stop thinking about him. Everything seemed to remind me of him, I’d listen to Bowie and think of his mismatched eyes, walking around London I thought of him, I even went out for breakfast once with Hanji and Moblit and I saw pancakes on the menu and thought of him.

Eren.

I had also managed to be called into the ‘ _headmasters office_ ’ (my new nickname for Erwin’s ridiculous office) four times in one week, all of these with Petra to discuss my image as apparently this needs improvement. They want me to have more of a social media presence, or some stupid shit like that, and I now have to post at least one photo a week too keep it up; which Petra was mainly doing as I kept 'forgetting'. Even talking about this made me think of him and his photography, but I’d only ever talked to him once and he was just nice to me it wasn’t romantic in the slightest.

I knew I had to stop thinking about him, stop thinking about the possibility of being in his presence for even a few more small moments to talk about absolutely anything, but I knew that he couldn’t be thinking this obsessively about me.

Sure, he likes the band and he has memorabilia and has seen us a good few times but people always want one special meeting with a celebrity, like our encounter on the bridge, and then they feel accomplished. Or, at least, that’s what it has been like for me in the past.

Lying in my bed wide awake at 2am, I clenched my eyes shut and tried to force sleep to come. I’ve never been particularly good at going to sleep and it hasn’t been much better recently. I’d recently come into the habit of going for midnight jogs to try to wear myself out, but I always jog slowly and keep looking around to see if I see Eren. That night I decided to walk instead and changed into some jeans and a black hoodie to hide my face, and I left.

I walked aimlessly for around 10 minutes before I felt my feet direct me towards a bridge I had not been able to stop thinking about all this time. The pavement was empty aside from a few staggering drunk people so it was easy to keep a low profile while walking, and soon enough I reached my destination. I walked slowly, scanning both sides of the bridge for even a sign of human life until my eyes fell upon someone.

A figure was stood by the railings, a camera pressed to their face and their tongue sticking out at one side as they waited for a boat to get into the place they wanted it. _**Snap!**_ The camera went off and they smiled, triumphant with the shot. Of course, stupidly enough, I felt a light fluttering at the pit of my stomach as I knew exactly who this was.

“Why the fuck are you here?” I turned around and back again only to realise I was the idiot that had blurted out those words. Smooth mate, good job.

Upon hearing my voice, Eren jolted and made a yelping noise in surprise. I snorted.

“Levi.” He said, staring at me in apparent confusion, his eyebrows knotted together.

“That’s right, I asked you a question shitty brat.” Christ why can’t I talk to people.

He cleared his throat “Yeah right um, well I couldn’t really sleep so I came to take some pictures of the boats… Why are you here?”

“I, too, couldn’t really sleep so I came on a walk and somehow ended up here” I said, leaning on a lamppost a metre or two from where he stood.

“What a funny coincidence,” a mischievous grin formed on his face “are you sure you’re not stalking me?”

I rolled my eyes, “Surely that’s what I should be asking you”

“I was literally here before you, idiot”

“Tch”

Eren moved to lean against the side of the bridge and moved some hair away from his face, displaying the red birthmark around his browner eye and I felt a familiar fluttering in my stomach.

“Sooo I haven’t seen you since that one night”

“That one night being the one night that we have actually spoken to each other?” I teased, a slight smirk appearing on my lips.

“Yes, yes shut up” he returned my smile with much more vigour, “I’m trying to start a new angle to this conversation over here.”

“Oh really now? Don’t mind me, go on” I crossed my arms over my chest.

He dramatically exhaled “I actually wanted to see you to make sure you’re…improved since last we spoke”

The flutter was back as the words whirled around my head, I actually wanted to see you. He wanted to make sure I was okay, that means he was thinking about me, right? Or, is he only saying that because he’s seen me and remembered what happened last time we saw one another.

“I’m better than I was, yeah. Thank you for asking” I said.

“Do you want to talk about it at all?”

I let the question hang in the air while I thought myself, did I want to tell this random (yet stunning attractive) photography man what was going on in my life? I barely knew the guy and he was offering the opportunity to talk about what’s on my mind.

I dramatically exhaled, much like he had a few moments prior. I wanted a smoke but I was trying to cut down so I tapped the side of my leg in frustration instead. “Not in the middle of this bridge, follow me”

I didn’t even check to see if he was following me before I crossed to the other end of the bridge and down a concealed set of stairs to the riverside. Along the stretch were assorted restaurants and cafes and shops that during the day were usually heaving but it was deserted at that time. I sat down on a bench opposite a pizza restaurant and clasped my hands together waiting for Eren to sit next to me.

“My sister works here” he said as he sat down, looking at the Pizza restaurant. Yet another coincidence, I thought.

There was silence, Eren obviously giving me space to say whatever I needed to say but I didn’t take it, nor did I feel ready.

“Tch. Now we’re here I don’t really want to talk about it to be honest…” I drifted off and fixed my gaze on my hands as I whispered loud enough for the boy to hear “Talk about you.”

“About me?” He replied softly.

“Yeah, well I’m not that interesting and last time we only really talked about London and not you, so talk about you”

“I swear that I’m meant to be the one asking you that, you’re the celebrity”

“Tch. Weird word.”

“But it’s that you are?” He said, sounding confused.

“I suppose so, but I don’t like the word or the invasive implications that come along with it”

He nodded, seeming to understand where I was coming from “I read that article you did for the Maria Gazette last week, the one about you being friends with the people who listen to your music. Is that true?”

Friends. Somehow the word stung to hear, but it was silly. “The reporter kind of altered what I said to match his mental plan, I could practically hear the cogs turning. I just said that I hate the term ‘fans’ because I find it belittling and prefer to chill with people who listen to the music”

“You do know that’s the exact mentality of someone who is in a really small, underground band right? With like, five dedicated fans and they’re all friends and have beers together. I doubt you could fit all your fans in one tiny room, you can barely fit all of the surrounding south area into one massive London venue over three nights-“

“Alright, alright, and you talk about role reversal. Making me sound all high and mighty-“

“But you are! You’re a genius songwriter”

I rolled my eyes and turned to face the boy, “You’re turning this around, Eren, I want to hear about you. You never did get to tell me what got you into photography”

He smiled wistfully as if remembering something happy from his past, “Well, I always liked to see raw emotion and colour, which is what got me into art in the first place. My art teacher at secondary school said she liked my art but wanted me to expand my abilities. She gave me a camera and told me to photograph everything I found interesting during the day and show her at the end, and she loved it. I always take pictures of things I find interesting now with this camera” He held up the camera strapped around his neck then put it back “and at work I take pictures of whatever I’m told to. Normally photoshoots but if its a big event then they’ll put me on press”

“Wouldn’t you rather only photograph things you want to photograph?” I asked softly, not meaning to sound so calm but somehow I was. Sat by the Thames listening to a beautiful person talk about what they love, no one else around and the only noise being the gentle lapping of the Thames against the edge of the pavement.

He sighed and leaned back on his arms, looking at the stars “If I could I would, believe me. I’d spend all my time photographing the stars and the sea and neon signs and doors and plants. I’ve only ever been abroad once and it was a school day trip to France, everyone went shopping but I used up most of my phone’s storage taking pictures of windows and trees and shops and things. On the channel I took most of my pictures because I love open water, I’ve always wanted to go to the beach but we never really had the chance when I was growing up”

Well, shit. I took for granted the amount of times I had been abroad, clearly.

“I take photos of the things I like but I can’t really do that for a living, so it’s more a hobby and my job is taking photos of the things I’ve been told to photograph”

I nodded in understanding. I somewhat understood what he meant, when we were just starting out and signed our first contract we had to do everything the company wanted from us to make the album they wanted to sell.

“Moving on!” He said cheerfully, taking his gaze away from the stars to look at me. The street lights down the walkway reflected in his eyes and almost looked like little green and brown [galaxies](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3X_cRAM4yVo). “We need to change your phone background.”

I raised an eyebrow, “We do?”

“If I remember correctly, unless you have changed it since I saw you, it’s one of the ones that comes with the phone. I think you should take a photo of something that you want to photograph and change it. Something that makes you happy”

“Like your dog…Shaun the sheep?”

He snorted “Of course you remember that detail about me. When you move to Hollywood and remember the two times you spoke to me, you would’ve forgotten my name but you’ll remember my dog won’t you?”

My heat sank at what he said. I didn’t really want to forget about him, I’d interacted with him so few times but I wasn’t ready to forget about him quite yet.

I shrugged, “I guess so, yeah”

He grinned one of his shit-eating grins that seemed to radiate happy energy, stupid sunny brat. “I’m happy with that, maybe you’ll write a song about Shaun for your next album”

“Tch.”

“So, your new background. What ideas do you have?”

“I didn’t realise this was a phone background masterclass, but I guess this right now is pretty good”

Eren snorted, “Well take a picture of right now and make that your background, better than plain black by a million miles”

I got my phone out of my pocket and did as I was instructed, photographing the Thames at night and adding it as a brand new background photo. “See, isn’t that much better?” He grinned.

“You’re supposed to say that because it was your idea, but yes I suppose.” I said.

After that, the discussion progressed from the previous photography and deeper things to places we wanted to go, things we wanted to try, places we were happiest. We were both leaning back, resting on our hands as we looked at this sky. Time seemed to pass incredibly quickly as we ended up talking about nonsense for hours, every now and again looking at one another and smiling or laughing at a joke, before returning to look at the stars. It was comfortable, it felt safe and I was incredibly relaxed talking to him. It took the sky changing from pitch black to a bluer colour for us to come to the conclusion that we should probably go.

“What time is it?”

I looked at my phone, “5:15. It’s quite…early”

We walked together taking a similar route we did in the first night, talking in hushed tones as if talking any louder would taken the whole city. Once we reached my apartment, and I was getting out my keys, he spoke again.

“This was nice”

I nodded in agreement and started to unlock the ground floor door, “I guess I’ll see you a week today, next Wednesday then”.

My stomach dropped as the words came out before I could stop myself. Idiot boy, now he would know you wanted to see him again and he’s think differently about you and-

“Really? You really mean that?” He sounded…happy. Very happy, and relieved.

“I mean, we don’t have to if you don’t want-“

“I want to” he blurted, his turn to seem surprised at his words, “I-uh, I really enjoyed this”

A smile tugged at the edge of my lips but I decided to nod at him “Wednesday on the bridge it is then” and went inside.

-

Getting into bed at quarter to six in the morning to go to sleep, I felt anything but tired. I was grinning to myself like an idiot, and that familiar fluttering was back in the pit of my stomach.

Fuck, I think I have a crush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya
> 
> Thanks for reading, that was the second meeting. I hope you're all happy and healthy and safe in these very weird times. Your comments n stuff mean a lot :)
> 
> Thanks againnn
> 
> my instagram - @regular___john  
> I basically warn u if I'm about to/if I just uploaded on my story, but I'm also around for a chat 
> 
> STARSHINE  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3X_cRAM4yVo


	9. Two Weeks

Around a month passed, and Eren & I would meet on the bridge on a Wednesday at midnight and we would talk with each other like we had the first time. Once or twice it only lasted half an hour because he was tired from a hard day at work and we would stay on the bridge for a quick chat about nothing in particular, but usually we would go down to our bench and talk for hours. It was never about anything deep or personal, sometimes it was about tv and films, sometimes debates about music. I had learned that he didn’t play any musical instruments and he found out that I played piano, he can cook and I can barely create a soup without burning something, and other useless pieces of information.

It was after this wonderful, uneventful month that I found myself smoking outside a trendy warehouse filled with photography professionals mid way through a photoshoot I didn’t care about. A room filled with photographers and not one of them was Eren.

Erwin had got Anka to dress Farlan and Marco in brightly coloured suits while mine was completely black, even topped off with a bit of black eyeshadow. We were in a break, I was supposed to be getting changed into my next outfit which included more black clothing but this time a tight-fitting vest, and I was yet to do so.

“Can I borrow your light?”

I recognised the voice immediately. “You literally have 12 at home how the fuck can you not have one on you right now, Hanj”

“Being in charge of art and stuff for you guys, seeing as you won’t let them hire anyone else, sometimes I forget my lighter. You know I do actually have a career where I make my own actual art instead of being King Raven’s art director?” She was wearing neon green flares and a button-up patterned shirt with tiny penguins dancing, and a matching hairband; her inner ‘art director’ shining through.

“Tch, you could always turn it down.”

“Like I'd let anyone else do this. Anyways, I don’t really smoke anymore because it’s terrible for your health”

I scoffed, handing her my lighter after lighting my own “yeah, yeah I’ve heard this before I’m well aware.”

She lit her cigarette and leaned against the wall with me, looking at the grey clouds above warning of rain that was all too common in this country. “Every time I smoke with you, I think about the day I became your sister”

“We’ve been smoking together for nearly 13 years and you’re telling me every time we do it you think of that fucking day?”

“It was a milestone moment! Don’t bash it” she giggled.

We fell into a comfortable silence when she spoke again, her voice quite this time “Do you ever miss our mother?”

“She was never my mother, I prefer the term ‘carer’” I sighed. 

She sighed in return, “Do you ever miss our ‘carer’?” she said, with quotation marks

“I think about her sometimes, yeah. I mentioned my acoustic she got me to Eren the other day and-“

“You’re funny” she interrupted, a smile forming onto her face.

“Why am I funny what the fuck are you on about shitty specs? I thought we were having a moment here talking about…her”

A giggle came out of her mouth, “You can’t go 1 minute talking to me without mentioning him because I’m the only one who knows you meet this hot, sexy photographer man once a week and you want to talk about it because you’re in loooooove!” She said, making disgusting kissing noises at the end. To an extent, she did have a point. Although we never talked about anything too personal, and we never mentioned my career; we talked about a lot of stuff. So much so, I often started sentences with “eren said-“ or “Eren-thinks” when talking to her.

“Piss off.”

“You’ve been talking to him for ages! Come oooooon admit it!”

“You’re infuriating and stink of shit.” I said, taking a drag and staring off at nowhere in particular, forcing my face to stay bland.

She sang “You haven’t denied it”

“He’s a fucking friend, we never talk about romantic stuff or anything like that, we’ve only hugged once and that was the first time after the... _thing_. He probably doesn’t even know I’m gay…” my voice went quite at the last bit, hoping no one could hear me.

“Oh? And how do you know that he’s straight?”

“I don’t, but I kind of assumed”

“That’s very presumptuous of you, really Levi in this day and age.”

“You’re right, but I won’t get my hopes up. I mean, he’s press”

She paused and scratched her head, making her hairband move “I guess it’s best if you stay friends then, if friends is the word you’ve decided to use. What do you even chat about?”

“Last week we talked about roadworks”

“ _Damn_ , that’s bloody sexy stuff right there.” she said, mockery obvious in her voice. 

“Tch. There’s loads of roadworks at the moment, it’s perfectly reasonable and fucking topical to talk about them.”

She rolled her eyes, “So how do you keep in contact with mr mysterious?”

“I don’t, we just meet every Wednesday. I don’t even have his phone number.”

“Levi, what the fuck.” The woman deadpanned, eyebrows contorting in confusion.

“What? It never really came up in discussion. Was I meant to ask, would that have normally happened by now?”

“You’re so stupid. Give me your phone” She moved to stand directly in front of my line of sight, hand outstretched to take my phone. I grumbled and begrudgingly gave it over.

“What do you want my phone for?”

“As you now have social media accounts, one of which is used to post pictures, I’m seeing if he follows you so I can see him and his account.”

I darted forwards, grasping at thin air as the mad woman darted out of the way of me to keep looking, holding the phone above my reach. She had always taken the piss out of my height and in the past held things too high for me to grasp, it was very degrading.

“Don’t stalk him please that’s weird.”

“You’re allowed to stalk Levi, you’re famous.”

I shook my head, giving in inevitably “You can look but don’t like or follow, I’ll see his account when he shows me his account.” I put out my finished cigarette and tapped my leg out of habit, wanting another but deciding it was probably best not to.

I started towards warehouse when I heard her calling after me, “He’s following you, you know! And he’s liked all of your photos”

I turned around and stalked back to the smug woman holding my phone close to her face. “Give me my phone, I don’t want to know”

She shook her head, “I see what you mean, he’s very pretty. Does he get in fights a lot? Theres a really ugly bruise on his face.”

“It’s not fucking ugly, it’s a birthmark and it’s beautiful.” The words escaped my mouth before I could stop them, my hands going to my mouth a few seconds too late in an attempt to stop myself. Heat was already travelling to my cheeks when she slowly moved her head to look at me, manically grinning now.

“Beautiful, huh? You think he’s beautiful?”

“Tch.” I walked past her, snatching my phone and turning it off, going back to the room where I was supposed to be getting changed; trying my best to forget the encounter and failing miserably. He followed me AND liked all my photos? I didn’t even post that stuff, what was being liked?

Half dressed in my next outfit, I opened my phone to see what Petra had been posting on my behalf and was immediately greeted by a picture of Eren from his page; undoubtedly the one Hanji had just been looking at. He was laughing at something, his face seemed bright with joy, and he was wearing a green jumper that beautifully brought out his eyes. However, that was not what caught my attention.

In the picture, he had his arms around someone stood in front of him. It was clearly a comfortable and familiar embrace, and it was with a blonde girl, who was also laughing, and she was admittedly very pretty. She had massive blue eyes and was wearing a blue flowery dress that suited her wonderfully, and I was of course happy for my friend that he was in such a great relationship. That’s so great for him. Then why was my hand shaking?

I quit the application and turned my phone off slowly, putting it on the side and taking deep breaths. Of course he had a girlfriend! He was very very attractive, incredibly kind, thoughtful, funny, and ultimately unattainable.

I shook my head and carried on getting dressed, repeating a phrase over and over hoping to get it into my head. 

_Leave him alone, forget about it._

-

“Thanks for coming on such short notice gentlemen,” Erwin began. We had congregated in the Headteacher’s Office first thing Wednesday morning at his request but it was the whole band for once, which was a rarity.

“Of course! What’s up?” Chirped Marco, way too happy to be awake before 8am.

“It’s a little last minute, but the lead singer of the band that was meant to be headlining the Krolva festival next weekend is now unable to perform for a while. The organiser of the festival was in contact with me about an hour ago and asked if I could get you to fill the spot for them.”

The room erupted into noise, my two bandmates chatting excitedly to each other and Erwin’s assistant Mike trying to get them to stop.

“We haven’t done a festival in ages! We could even write a new song or something!”

“Izzy could come on for a song, or we could come on dressed like the Beatles in yellow submarine that would be so cool!”

“Multi coloured suits! And we can ask Hanji to make some graphics for us for the background-“

“Marco you’re a genius! And-“

“Levi? You’re awfully quiet, what do you think?”

I nodded softly while still focusing all my attention on the battered and worn sugar sachet I was playing with in front of me. This seemed to satisfy Farlan and Marco but not Erwin, never him.

“That’s not an answer Levi, what do you think?”

My bandmates stopped chattering and looked over to me expectantly, and I looked up giving the most bored facial expression I could muster. “Give me actual details and I’ll think about it.”

Erwin snorted, leaning over and passing a warm and obviously freshly printed piece of paper detailing when it was, which day we were headlining, exactly where it was, how long the set would be and all the other questions I had. I hummed, satisfied, and nodded to give my go ahead.

Marco and Farlan made excited noises, “Brilliant! We’re coming over tonight, Vi, and we’re planning the setlist. Stock up on beer and food because this is going to be fun”

Crap. It’s Wednesday, and I meet Eren on Wednesday’s. I nearly said no when a thought came to my head, _his girlfriend_. I was taking him from this girl every Wednesday night, one night away from him wouldn’t hurt. He probably wouldn’t even miss me.

“Sounds good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhhhhhhh Eren and mystery blonde girl?!?! Oh noooo who could it be?
> 
> Thanks for reading, its highly appreciated. I hope you’re all staying happy and safe in these odd times! 
> 
> TWO WEEKS  
> [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjecYugTbIQ ] 
> 
> instagram - @regular___john


	10. Little Wing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a biggun!! Was tempted to split but ah well fuck it

Cleaning up after Marco and Farlan hadn’t gotten any easier over the years, but I was finding it more bearable as time went on. When we first all got together as a 3 when we were bright eyed and 15 (Marco only 13); beer was never in the equation as their parents were never, understandably, keen on it. I had been friends with Farlan longer so we were automatically closer but Marco seemed to make sense with us as a group once he became our bassist.

It wasn’t until we were 18, Farlan in a long term with Izzy and myself having had quite a few boyfriends by then, that we started to go out and have beers as a group. We would play a gig in a bar and then get drunk in the same one afterwards, and as we all decided not to go to university there was nothing holding us back from going out a lot to drink. Marco was never asked for ID as Farlan and I would alternate between going to the bar, and it had a habit of getting quite messy. Back then, I would drink the most of us all starting with a few beers and ending on stiff shots and increasingly stronger cocktails. It wasn’t until I started going out with Erwin when I was 25 that I slowed my drinking.

I wanted to be good for him, it immediately felt like a more serious relationship as he was a bit older and he was my manager already telling me to slow down. So, I started to drink less and less. I’d stop going out with Marco and Farlan to spend most of my time time with him at my apartment that I payed for, sharing a whisky bottle that I’d payed for, fucking on a bed that I’d payed for. It didn’t matter what people said, I didn’t care that he was using my money to pay for suits, using it to pay for things he thought I should wear to be more stylish. I felt incredibly in debt to him, he even cooked all my meals for me because I was a shit cook. I realise now that this was incredibly unhealthy in a relationship, which probably lead to our eventual break up.

Once we had finally broken up, Erwin moving out and a two-year relationship (my longest) came to an end; I lost all appetite to drink alcohol. I much preferred tea and would also drink coffee, but never alcohol. So when Marco and Farlan came over to sort out the set for the last-minute festival, and the intention of drinking, I let them do so and they didn’t make me feel like I needed to drink with them because they’re good friends.

Which leads me back to my previous statement, cleaning up after them hadn’t got any easier, but more bearable. It helped that I enjoyed cleaning, but I preferred to clean things that were slightly dirty and making them incredibly clean instead of vomit and spilt beer and crumbs.

I was happy with the set, but it took nearly two hours to convince them not to make us go up in Sgt Pepper suits, their argument being “we could cover the Beatles and we’d look so fucking cool all colourful and shiny!”.

I seem to remember curtly replying “Fuck off.”, the kindest thing I could’ve possibly said in my opinion.

So, we had a plan for the shitshow. I had meetings with our ‘ _art director_ ’ and she did some incredible last-minute graphics for the screen behind us. We had the headline slot, the most important slot, and I was well aware that people had paid good money to see the rock band that we were replacing. Luckily enough, I knew of the band and came to the conclusion that we were similar enough for people to stay for the whole thing and not walk out furious. As extra prep, we’d done another photoshoot (Erwin saying we could never have too many) of us three holding our instruments sat in a restaurant, the concept being something stupid like ‘we were waiting in the wings’ or along those lines.

I couldn’t get along with the photographer of the shoot, probably because I knew she wasn’t the photographer I wanted her to be and that I was putting off seeing said photographer. It was harsh to hate someone for something they couldn’t control, but fuck it so what? Eren was always on my fucking mind and I was just trying to forget the whole thing. 

_Leave it alone, forget about it._

I tried, and it was going wonderfully well, until the festival. We were about to go on stage, the audio system playing an elongated intro to the title track of our newest album, the lights had all turned black, the crowd were screaming. The process was simple. Farlan would go on first, playing the snare to get the crowd riled, Marco would come on and take his time to get set up and play a simple E, and I would come on and get it going. We even had a colour scheme for once with our outfits, Marco and Farlan had black jeans with white t-shirts, and I was wearing black jeans with a black button up and a white cravat. We had a plan, and we were going to look fucking cool while we did it.

All of that happened, we were like a well oiled machine. Hanji had done a wonderful job with the graphics in the background, a crown made of black feathers was on the screen behind us being a symbol of the band. It was my turn to start playing the heavy power chords into the song but someone caught my eye. In the press section of the audience, there was a someone stood still staring intently at me greatly contrasting with the movement surrounding him. He had an orange lanyard around his neck, and was holding his camera in his hands. _Eren._

I shook my head looking at him, and turned around to look at anything but him, and played what I was meant to play. Of course he chose this as something big to come to! Of course he fucking decides to be a press photographer when we headline a festival last minute.

It was so hard not to look at him for the concert, I knew he was taking pictures of us and at one point when I was jumping a lot to a particularly energetic song, I felt self conscious that he would catch it.

Fuck.

Half the gig went by, with much difficulty taken not looking at him. I pulled out the pack of cigarettes I had on my back pocket and lit one, holding it between my lips as I tuned my stratocaster for the next song. I vaguely recalled Marco talking to Jean about the layout of the cover we were about to do, making sure he had it right.

Once tuned, I walked up to the mic and spoke with the cigarette balanced between my lips, “I’m sweating my balls off over here, I don’t know about you lot.” The crowd screamed and I heard my bandmates chuckle behind me. I took off my cravat and threw it to the side in the general direction of my sister and undid a few buttons of my shirt, earning some wolf whistles.

I rolled my eyes and spoke again “This next one is a cover, and it’s by the greatest fucking guitarist to grace this planet.” Scattered cheers erupted. “I’m not him, but as he said. _It has to come from inside, though, I guess_ ” More cheers erupted as some people started to guess.

“It’s a bit slower than the others have been” Marco piped in and Farlan snorted over the headset.

I stepped back to face Farlan, seeing the image on the screen changing to Jimi Hendrix wearing a crushed velvet blue cravat. He smiled encouragingly at me and I nodded, turning back to face the crowd and played the opening notes of the song; bobbing my head to show Farlan the tempo I was plating at. 

I grinned as the crowd screamed, I loved playing Hendrix; and Hanji did too. I knew she had some beautiful psychedelic graphics going on behind us. After a good few bars of solo guitar, Farlan and Marco joined in and I begun to sing.

_Well she's walking through the clouds_

_With a circus mind_

_That's running wild_

I couldn’t help but smile as I sang, which was rare for any cover we did, but the crowd were electric and I was playing one of my favourite songs in the world. I alternated between balancing my cigarette and holding in in my strumming hand along with my pick.

_Take anything you want from me, anything_

_Anything._

It got to my guitar solo and I felt my hair stand on end, I loved playing this part. I always got a rush from playing on stage, but there was something so incredible about playing a song by your idol. I was sweating and my hair that was longer on the top was sticking to my head, but I didn’t care. I even grinned, and noticed flashes going off in the crowd capturing the moment and even then I couldn’t bring myself to care.

After my lengthy solo, the song came to an end and the crowd was screaming with applause, turning to my band mates and it was clear to see they felt the same joy. I turned back to the crowd and allowed my eyes to drift to the one person I actually wanted to look at in the crowd. He had his camera around his neck now and was clapping with great force, screaming as much as those around him. I grinned and gave him a wave, to which he returned, and then went off stage quickly to change my guitar.

I had just picked up my Gibson SG when my sister came running towards me from a few metres away where she had been sat looking at a monitor. “Who were you waving at?” She asked, tilting her head as he words came out.

“Who the fuck do you think, the audience you idiot” I snapped, not missing her grin when I turned and went back to the stage to carry on.

-

“Guys, was it just me or was that mental?” Marco panted, rubbing his face down with a wet towel Erwin had brought for us all to cool off a bit.

“The energy out there was stunning, especially after the Hendrix.” Erwin said, furiously typing on his laptop at the same time.

“We’ve played a few concerts, but that felt very special.” Marco continued, “I feel like this was all meant to happen, we were meant to take over that band and-“

“You’re fucking cheesy, you know that?” I smirked.

Farlan snorted and Marco rolled his eyes before changing the subject, “Whatever. So, I’ve invited some of the crew over to my apartment for a little get together in an hour or two. My boyfriend and his friends are coming, and so is Annie and her girlfriend. So, you know, I’m guessing you’ll all be there too” He directed to Farlan, Erwin and myself.

“Boyfriend, eh?” I mused

“Yeah, yeah” he blushed, realising his slip but not denying it.

“Well, we’ll be there then and make a wonderful first impression on his friends” Farlan pointedly said, looking at me.

“What? It’s not my fault if the horse is friends with other farmyard animals, it is?”

“Please be nice Levi” Marco pleaded, he looked almost worried that I wouldn’t be which was somewhat disconcerting but I didn’t comment on that.

“Tch. I’ll be on my best behaviour, don’t you worry”

-

An hour and a half later, Pixis drove Farlan, Izzy, Hanji, Petra and myself to Marco’s house for the party. The journey itself was quite loud, everyone talking excitedly about how good the concert was and how great it would be to meet more people. I mainly spoke to Petra about a meeting we had tomorrow morning about a partnership I might be getting with a guitar company; business as always.

I had changed into a pair of black trousers and a short sleeved grey t-shirt, and everyone else stayed in their colourful festival wear; save Farlan who stayed in what he wore for the concert. We walked up the stairs to the apartment and opened the unlocked door to the noise of the party, The Killers playing in the background while a mixed group of people looking about 20 whom I assumed were the Horse’s friends, and older people wearing all black that I recognised to be people in our touring crew.

“Hi guys!” Marco came stumbling to the front door. He was greeted by scattered greetings as people walked off to get drinks and mingle, but I decided to stay and talk with him for a bit because I didn’t really know anyone else that well.

“Nice party you’ve got here” I blandly said, attempting conversation.

“Thank you, Jean-“

“I’m here!” The horse appeared next to his side, wrapping his arm around Marco’s waist. I couldn’t help but smile at the movement, Marco looked so comfortable. Even if it was with a horse.

“Well, you’ve done a nice job. Well done, horse” I said, smirking at the abuse that was about to come my way.

He scowled, “Now you watch-“

“Oi, horseface! Where did you put my fucking beers-“ A voice broke our conversation that I immediately recognised. I turned around to see him standing a metre or so away from me, still with the orange lanyard around his neck. He was wearing a green King Raven t-shirt and jeans, and his breathtaking eyes were blown open in complete shock.

“Eren, I’m honoured to introduce you to the lead singer of your favourite band, Levi Ackerman.” Jean professed, appearing very happy with himself.

“Hello stranger” Eren grinned, his expression changing to a smug one while staring at me.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I blurted.

“I’m Mikasa’s brother, you know Mikasa I assume” He said, a shit-eating grin on his face.

“No shit” I said slowly.

I was aware that Marco had ushered Jean away to give us some privacy, even though he didn’t know who Eren was I was grateful for that. “I literally had no idea this was where I’d be tonight, though. When Jean told me his secret boyfriend was having a party after the festival we were all at, I thought it would be fun. I didn’t think he was fucking Marco Both of all people”

“Watch it, thats my friend you’re talking about” I monotoned.

He stared at me for a minute, a look I couldn’t quite place crossing his face as he motioned with his head to follow me. He lead me to Marco’s balcony that overlooked the city, and sat down on the chairs.

I sat on the chair opposite him as he started talking again, “Where have you been?” He said softly, looking at his hands. He seemed…anxious? Why would he be anxious?

“Busy” I replied, matching his soft tone but looking at him instead of my own hands. His messy hair had fallen to cover his mismatched eyes, but his red birthmark peeked out slightly below it.

He slowly exhaled and moved his face to look up at me. “Well, let me know next time. Here.” He got his phone out of his pocket and tapped it until it was open onto his personal contact page. It took me a minute before I understood what was happening, he was giving me his number.

I got out my phone and copied the number into a text message.

**Levi [23:32]**

This is Levi

**Eren [23:33]**

Ik, I’m opposite u xD

“Of course you use text speech”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He said defensively, a smile creeping onto his face giving away he wasn’t actually offended.

“Nothing.” I shook my head and looked up at the sky, a habit I had taken up doing quite often.

I knew Eren was doing the same thing when he next spoke as his voice had moved. “My roommate was all concerned about me, you know. She was asking why I wasn’t going on my usual Wednesday walk for as long as I normally did”

“I’m guessing this wasn’t Shaun. Your girlfriend?” I said

He snorted, “No, Krista is just my roommate. Everyone thinks she’s my girlfriend because we live together but we’re just good friends.”

For some reason, this made me unreasonably happy. “I get that. I kind of had that experience when all you press guys through I’d impregnated my PA.”

His voice moved to face me, “I never agreed with the, I knew that was bullshit! You have to believe me Levi!”

“Of course I believe you, brat. I was just making a relatable comparison.” I sighed, not averting my gaze from the stars in the sky.

We returned back to a comfortable silence after that, the only noise being that coming from the street and the music and people from inside. I assumed Eren was also looking at the sky but I didn’t turn to check, too immersed in the stars to care. Our comfortable silence was replaced by an incredibly annoying, high pitched screeching noise coming from inside I couldn’t help but immediately recognise.

“What the flying fuck was that?” said Eren, he has turned towards the glass door that lead onto the balcony.

“That would be my sister. She’s so-“

“She’s your sister? I thought Hanji was your girlfriend?”

I mocked a gagging face “Nope. She’s my adoptive sister and probably, unfortunately my best friend. She’s happily in a relationship and has been for some time.”

“Her art is…”

“When she puts her mind to it she’s bloody brilliant, but I’m not personally a fan of all her abstract stuff. Despite that, I’ve got some of it on the walls of my garden flat.”

“I thought you lived top floor of that place?” He questioned.

“Oh…” I closed my eyes “I meant my garden flat in Venice. I have a few flats.”

My confession was met with silence, and I was concerned I’d scared him with my ridiculous announcement but then I was further surprised. “No way that’s so cool! Where else do you have a flat?”

I opened my eyes and turned to face him, crossing my legs on the chair, “The London one you know, I have a garden flat in Dorsoduro, Venice. A pokey little studio flat in Paris I only really stay in if we’re touring there. And an apartment in New York, Midtown West. Come to think of it, the New York one has some of her art in it as well. I’m probably her biggest buyer, how embarrassing.”

The boy sat opposite me seemed to radiate joy as he listened to me talk about my various apartments that I was at first embarrassed about, but he made it feel alright. I was beginning to realise I didn’t mind talking to him about stuff that made me feel different, I didn’t mind opening up to him. In fact, it felt good having him sit opposite me with his mismatched eyes wide in disbelief and amazement. He made me feel…

“I should probably go back inside, my friends will be wondering where I am soon”

The joy of the moment shattered around me, it felt immensely temporary all of a sudden. “Mine too, lets go.”

I begrudgingly walked back inside, and watched Eren walk over to a blonde boy with weird hair and Mikasa. I was too caught up watching him listen to his friends, talking with the same interest he had just shown me to realise Hanji was walking over to me. The mad woman tackled me and I stood my ground, grabbing her shoulders and forcing her away from me to which I was met with mad cackles.

“Did you just get a blowie on Marco’s balcony? You’re an arsehole if you did.”

I rolled my eyes, “No, we were just talking. He didn’t-“

“He? Who’s this ‘He’?” Her attention spiked, a manic grin spreading across her face as her voice started to raise.

“One of the photographers from the gig, no one” I attempted to say blandly, failing to mask the defensiveness oozing from my voice. 

“A photographer? You don’t mean-“

“You must be Hanji! It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.” I rolled my eyes as Eren introduced himself to my crazy sister, I seemed to miss him walking over to us.

She turned quick enough for a normal person to get whiplash and forcibly shook the poor man’s hand, nodding her head. “Hello! It’s wonderful to meet you. I’ve heard so little about you, I don’t know your name or your exact location of work or anything! Care to fill me in”

“Hanji, fuck. How-“

“I’m Eren Jäger, I work at Trost Daily on Canary Wharf. I’m a photographer there and use their dark room a lot, I only really do press things for big events and stuff but I do shoots quite often.” He smiled, the idiot was happy filling her in with his personal information.

“Eren, why the fuck-“

“And where did you say you lived again?” She pushed, still gripping onto his hand.

“Eren, you don’t-“

“Islington!” He grinned.

“Okay, that’s enough. Hanji, fuck off somewhere else and leave the kid alone for Christ’s sake.”Crossed my arms over my chest.

My sister shrugged and skipped away in the direction of the kitchen where all the alcohol was being stored. Wonderful.

“I don’t mind, Levi. She wanted to know.” Eren said, still smiling.

“She’s a fucking weirdo, she’ll find you now and you’ll wake up to her at the end of your bed.”

His smile faltered for a moment, but returned soon enough to its former glory. “Then I guess Krista and I will have to cook her breakfast.”

“She’ll love that, she’s as shit as cooking as me.” I replied, surprised by his response. He didn’t even seem nervous about my best friend breaking and entering into his house, which was definitely weird.

“Well, I’m quite good at cooking so I’ll make her a-“

“LEVIIII! You HAVE to try this punch it’s so good!” Speak of the devil, she came bounding over to us. I knew she must’ve been off her face to forget that I didn’t drink. There was a sudden sinking feeling in my stomach as I realised I had to take her to sleep on my sofa, I couldn't leave her in public like this. 

I grabbed a hold of her arm and turned to face Eren, “I’m afraid I have to go now, see you soon Eren.” I started walking my babbling sister away, not waiting for his reply. I was already starting to feel slightly overwhelmed at the party, so maybe it was for the best. She did often seem to be ready to leave once my ability to interact with people started to diminish, but it was harder to leave this time because of Eren.

“Bye Levi!” I heard him yell behind me, filling my stomach with a familiar fluttering I was so desperately trying to forget. I waved my free hand at him from behind me, and braced for the cool night air. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stuff and things!
> 
> That was long, wasn't it? Sorry. 
> 
> Random Q, any music-y people reading this have a different favourite guitarist?? I have loads but Hendrix is undeniably one of the greatest; I'm interested to hear others y'know? just a lil Q 
> 
> Thank you for reading as per, I hope you're staying happy and safe :) 
> 
> If you need me: 
> 
> Instagram - @regular___john  
> Tumblr - Regular-john-16278 
> 
> LITTLE WING 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdHHsoW6mMg 
> 
> (audio quality not the best on that, I'd try Spotify or another music site thingy if you're particularly interested in listening to it) 
> 
> Thanks again :)


	11. Persephone

The meeting room was overly large, taking the piss if you ask me. The long table itself could easily sit a board of representatives of around 20, and looked utterly ridiculous with Petra and myself on one side and three officials sat on the other side. The only things on the table were a few stacks of paper and some bottles of expensive water in front of us, so the rest of the table looked desolate. 

The meeting itself wasn’t too tricky, I was getting a paid partnership with a guitar company and they were going to sell the guitar I helped them to design.The beginning of it was dull, Petra mainly talking to the three officials about stuff I knew nothing about while I fiddled with the sugar sachet remembering the events from the night before. Once it got to the bit they needed me for, I returned the sachet to my pocket and started paying attention.

“We assume you want it black, Mr.Ackerman?”

“Yes, that would be preferred”

“Sir, remember this is your guitar so it’s up to you." One of them said sternly, not a comedic bone in her body. "Any further things you’d like on it?”

I explained my ideal guitar, being as SG with a matte black finish, and went into detail about the different elements of the guitar. One of the officials took notes as I spoke, her face nails making a very annoying clicking noise as she typed. After that they got me to do my signature in a black sharpie a few times and told me they would be putting it on the back of the head.

“Once it’s finished and everyone is happy with the final product, we’re going to need you to do a photoshoot with the guitar and maybe even a little interview where you play something with it. Now, we understand that some celebrities have photographers they prefer to work with and we’re happy if that’s the case with you; we just need to know.”

“I may have a photographer for the job, but I’ll let you know about him closer to the time.” I blurted.

I was met with nods from those sat opposite me, the note-taker typing again presumably about my photographer. The meeting then concluded with proposed dates to talk further about the shoot and to show me the guitar prototypes. After all that, I briskly nodded and stood up, holding the suger sachet in the pocket of my black checkered trousers in place before leaving the room.

I got to the elevators by myself before I felt a light tap on my arm, and I turned to see Petra’s face giving me a quizzical look. “What were you talking about with a photographer? You hate photographers,”

I shrugged and pressed the elevator call button “A friend of mine.”

“A friend?” She sounded confused.

“Don’t sound so shocked, yes I have friends.”

She rolled her eyes at my bluntness and entered the elevator once it arrived, thankfully dropping the subject altogether before I could bring up Eren.

Once in the lift, Petra rattled off the plan for the rest of my day telling me what I would be doing and where I would be going. I nodded along with her, absentmindedly rubbing my thumb against the sugar sachet and allowed a small smile to come up on my face.

-

“Levi, it’s a fucking text! Just say you’ll see him later or something to get the ball rolling!” Hanji exclaimed. She had come over to play pool with me a few days after my meeting with the guitar company and I had spilled my current crisis with Eren.

“I’m worried I’ll get it wrong though, I could fuck it all up. To him its just a weird friendship with his idol, what if I imply something accidentally?” I mumbled, missing my shot and cursing.

“Stop stressing!” She said, placing her cue up against my pool table, “You said you want to be friends, yes?” I nodded. “Well, just do that. Mention roadworks or something to start a casual conversation.”

I raised an eyebrow, crossing my arms over my chest, “We don’t only talk about roadworks, you know.”

“Have you told him about your upbringing?”

The question hit me out of nowhere, I clenched my jaw “Of course not.”

“Well, you clearly don’t talk to him to help yourself then”

I tilted my head, “How so?”

“What happened to your mother, Kenny-“

“Don’t talk about that fucking arsehole, Hanji, I don’t need reminding.” I snapped.

She sighed, “Ok well all that on top of coming to this country, being in the system like you were. It’s all lead to why you are how you are”

“Like what.”

“Your cleaning thing. I think that that started as a psychological thing being surrounded by so much grime in that place with your mother-“

“Hanji, I said don’t talk about that shit.”

“This is what I mean!” She raised her arms dramatically and let them fall. “You never talk about everything that happened to you and it’s had an impact on you. The thing with Erwin, even, you need to talk to someone. A professional. I can't do everything.”

“I don’t want a fucking professional I can cope.” I snapped again, sitting on one of the green velvet chairs in the corner of the room.

“Mhm, you’re doing a great job.” She replied, sarcasm oozing from her voice.

I put my head in my hands “I just… I like talking to him. I don’t want to mess that up, it’s nice to have someone to talk to- don’t take that the wrong way I just mean-“

“Levi.” Hanji had slowly moved to stand in front of me, she crouched in front of my face and gently touched my hands; “If it’s stressing you out this much, just wait until Wednesday and be honest with him.”

I looked up at my her and slowly nodded, “Thank you.”

She grinned and ruffled my hair, standing up to go back to the table. Ever since becoming close with Hanji when we were young, she had always been a sister figure in my life. I always felt like I could talk to her and she wouldn’t mock me. When I came out to her when I was 14 she treated me no differently, acting like nothing had changed. She always had my back.

"Come on then you prick I know I can beat you." the maniac grinned, and I couldn't help but smile. 

"Try me, lightweight." 

-

It was midnight when I got to the dark bridge on Wednesday, having walked slowly across London listening to music to get there on time. I’d stopped off at my favourite convenience store on the way to buy a packet of smokes. It was my favourite because the man who owned it was completely oblivious as to who I was and treated me like an average customer; to which I tipped him generously.

The rest of the walk was completely uneventful, but it was great as always to walk around my favourite city at night, hear the familiar muffled music from clubs and bars, the smells of markets selling kebabs and baklava just closing. When I got to the bridge, it had a few people pottering about on it, but it was quiet nonetheless. When I reached Eren, he was standing facing off the bridge looking at the London skyline. I prodded his arm.

“Hi!” He said enthusiastically. Ever since meeting him the first time, his enthusiasm had slowly lessened from starstruck but he still seemed to enjoy seeing me. 

“Hey.”

“How have you been, Levi?” He asked, voice softening slightly as he looked up and down my body; taking in my ridiculously large black hoodie to hide my face and tattoos.

“Fine thanks, yourself?”

“Fine, fine…I was worried when I didn’t get a text from you.” His gaze faltered, turned to look at his trainers briefly before looking at me again.

_What?_ “Did you miss me, brat?” I replied, with the most monotoned voice I could muster.

“It was just strange, I thought that once you had my number we would’ve talked more or something” he seemed upset, or more annoyed. Maybe I imagined that.

I sighed “Yeah, well, I was worried I’d fuck it up to be honest”

“Fuck what up? It’s just a text.”

“I mean, whatever this is” I said, gesturing between the two of us, “I didn’t want to fuck this up”

He raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest, his upset expression turning to one more of confusion and disproval. “I don’t quite know what you’re implying, you’re being really weird mate.”

I felt a heavy feeling in my chest at his words, I’d actually managed fucked it up by just speaking to him. Why did I do that? “Tch. Don’t worry just, forget I said anything” I mirrored his pose and looked away from his stare.

“What do you mean? What are implying?” He asked, his voice raising as he spoke.

I allowed a beat of silence to pass, as I adjusted my hood, and turned to face him. My whole body felt cold as I spoke, this was it. “You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? You know exactly what I’m fucking talking about, brat. This. Us. You’ve guessed what I am from my old background photo and you’re all defensive now, is that it?”

The silence from the man opposite was deafening, his gaze turning to the ground.

I scoffed and nodded my head, “I have somewhere to be.”

Eren opened and closed his mouth, shook his head and turned back to face the water. I knew when I wasn’t wanted, so I turned around and started the walk back to my apartment; the heavy feeling in my chest sinking deep into my stomach.

I fucked up.

My hand shook as I reached into my pocket to retrieve my pack of cigarettes and I lit up, taking the longer route home to avoid spending more time than I needed in my big empty apartment. I took deep breaths in between inhaling my tobacco to calm myself down and walked slowly, realisation dawning on me.

I actually had to leave it alone now, I had to forget about it. About him. 

_Eren_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiii
> 
> thank youuuu for the kudos and comments etcetc theyre very very highly appreciated 
> 
> I hope everyone is happy and healthy and safe, you're wonderful!
> 
> Socials if u fancy a chat or anything in particular -   
> ig - @regular___john  
> Tumblr - regular-john-16278
> 
> [Quick lil thing, I just started beta reading a fic you should definitely check out. It's called Phoenix by losticarus and it's great]
> 
> PERSEPHONE   
> ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeaBJfzTKl8 ) 
> 
> p.s. I'm attempting to update once a week on this fic, maybe wed-fri type time?? ill try to stick w that but im shit w updates


	12. I Know

“And then I just walked away, saying I have somewhere to be” I mumbled, feeling very sorry for myself. It was 2am and Hanji had come over to smoke with me on my balcony.

“And he was just looking away at the Thames? Not even looking back at you?” She asked, she had been on and off holding my free hand rubbing comforting circles with her thumb.

“He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something but he just didn’t, he just fucking turned around. I fucked it Hanj.” My voice had gone from stoic and calm to its now trembling mess, threatening to break at any moment.

“How did you know he knew what you really meant?” She asked, hand now moved to my back.

“He looked at me in a completely different way, and he sounded so defensive like he didn’t want to be associated with me. Like I’m some shit he stood in or something”

“You’re his idol! I highly doubt he thinks of you like that”

“I don’t think I’m his idol anymore, maybe I’ve put him off his favourite fucking band forever now. Hanji I- fuck.” My eyes glassed over and tears started to pour from my eyes, my shoulders shaking and bottom lip quivering. “I hate this!”

“Oh Levi” My sister leaned over and wrapped me in hug, my arms instantly going around her. I didn’t often cry in front of others, but Hanji was the one person I didn’t mind crying in front of which is exactly why I had called her. She always knew the right things to say to me when I got in a state like the one I was in, and had done the entire time I’d known her.

“Sorry.” I half-heartedly apologised into her shoulder, after getting it wet with tears I was embarrassed I had let fall.

“Never apologise to me for this, Levi.” She left the hug and moved to look at my face, her hand not holding a cigarette brushing away my tears. “I know we’re close but I completely understand wanting to have that someone to talk to. I mean, you’re still mourning losing Erwin even though we both know that was for the best. It’s hard, I can’t deny that”

I nodded glumly, taking a shaky drag from my cigarette. “Thanks, I’m still sorry for making you come here at such a stupid time”

She waved her hand dismissively, “Forget about it. I’m just glad you reached out to me instead of hiding yourself away.” She stood up, “Earl Grey?”

“Please” I said, sniffling and offering a small smile before looking back out over the balcony at the quiet street below.

Hanji stayed with me until we both fell asleep leaning on each other on the garden chairs on my balcony, a fluffy blanket over the two of us. When I was younger and had just met Hanji, we would often have sleepovers like this together where we would stay up until the early hours of the morning talking about nothing in particular and falling asleep on one another. It was like a blast from the past. 

We both suddenly woke up at 9am to the blaring noise of a random police car drive past my apartment, startling us awake and half functioning. After reviving ourselves with some tea, we then proceeded to order some pancakes and sat doing nothing.

The door downstairs buzzed and Hanji jumped up to go downstairs to retrieve our pancakes, and I was getting out plates when I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I fished my phone out of my jeans and opened up the message I had just received, feeling my heart shift down to my stomach.

**Eren [09:46]**

I need 2 c u, need 2 talk.

Bridge at 9pm?

Obvs wear hood

I stayed standing and read the message over a few times trying to get my thoughts in order, and shrugged to give a reply.

**Levi [09:50]**

Ok.

“You’ve got the weirdest expression on your face right now Levi” said Hanji, plopping the take away boxes with our pancakes in on the table with a grin.

I turned round my phone to face her and watched her expression change to one of slight anger. “Don’t let him play you, Levi. You need to make sure you’re crystal clear with him so you don’t do the same to him and expect nothing short of the whole truth.” She said, giving me a pointed stare.

“I’ll be careful.” I said, leaning over to pick up my box of pancakes and began eating.

-

The walk to our bridge felt very different at 9pm, being filled with people and noise and things going on everywhere. I was glad to be wearing a beanie and sunglasses, otherwise I was sure I would’ve been spotted quite a few times on the way there. When I eventually got to the bridge, I saw Eren in the spot that we had been meeting at; leaning with his forearms on the bridge. He was wearing blue jeans and a long-sleeved green t-shirt that nearly reached his fingertips, which were clasped together with his thumbs tapping his fingers impatiently.

“Eren.” I said after standing watching the man for a few moments, taken aback slightly by how distressed he looked.

His face whipped faster than I’ve ever seen him move before, instantly showing me his mismatched eyes and birthmark I didn’t realise I had missed so much. “Levi.” He said, arms awkwardly hanging by his side “Thank you for coming on such short notice.”

“That’s ok, kid, you gave me a few hours so it’s fine” I said, still standing a metre away from him with my arms crossed over my chest.

  
“Can we…I mean do you mind if we go to a bar to talk?” He said awkwardly, shifting slightly on his feet.

I sighed, “Yes…but I have rules”

“Rules?” He asked, raising his eyebrows in surprise.

“Tch. I don’t go out much but when I do I have rules for the people I’m with, like if some press show up and it gets crazy we need to get out of there instead of stick around, and don't say my name too loudly. Just basic stuff, I don’t want any attention so I want to keep a low profile.”

“I understand, of course yeah” He nodded, still looking slightly distressed. “Shall we go?”

I nodded silently and followed him as he walked off the bridge and headed for a bar. The walk was silent, with myself trailing behind Eren the whole way as I followed him. I was thankful for wearing jeans and a big black jumper as the weather had turned to become bitterly cold as Eren weaved through different back alleys and streets to lead me to a small pub with benches outside.

He turned back to ensure I was following, and opened the creaky door to allow the sounds and smells of the pub to waft over to me, a [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGGWN2T-Nno) playing in the distance. I stalked inside, remaining close to Eren as he took us to a booth tucked away in the corner.

“This is the corner I always sit in with my friends, no one will come over if I’m here so you’ll be fine here while I get us drinks. What would you like?” He said, getting out his wallet while I sat down.

“I really don’t mind paying” I said.

“I brought you here, now what will it be? I remember seeing you drink whiskey a few times a little while ago do you want a whiskey?” He asked.

“Just an orange juice, thanks” I replied.

Eren nodded silently and walked up to the bar, ordering our drinks. I pulled the sleeves of my jumper over my hands self-consciously to hide the tattoos dotted on my fingers from sight. I glanced around the pub and, thankfully, noticed no one was looking in my direction. The pub was quite busy, filled with people in varying stages of drunk talking loudly about football or other such things, completely absorbed in their own worlds not even thinking to glance at anything else. For this, I was thankful.

Eren came back and placed my orange juice down in front of me on a beer mat, smiling slightly as he placed his pint of beer in front of himself. “Who would’ve thought I’d be sharing a drink with you in my local” He said wistfully.

“Tch.” I took a sip of my orange juice and let the noise of the louder patrons wash over us before staring Eren down and speaking again. “What do you want to talk about.”

Eren reached a hand up to scratch the back of his neck awkwardly and brought it back down to join the other circled around his beer. “I wanted to apologise, if I was leading you on-“

“Please don’t” I blurted, glancing at my glass to avoid his gaze before looking back. “It’s my fault really. Just…please don’t tell anyone what you know. The media can’t find out about…it”

“No.” He said shaking his head, he stared at his drink. “I think it’s my fault. I’ve never been in a relationship with a guy before, you’re clearly very attractive,” he said, motioning up and down my body “and I’ve loved the time we’ve seen together. I got nervous. I’m kind of unsure in what my sexuality is but it’s something that isn’t really talked about because I think my dad is homophobic.”

“Oh.” I stupidly said.

“Yeah…We never really talk about family, do we?” I stayed silent. “The only family I have ever seen you mention is Hanji and I suspect that its like that for a reason. My family is just me, my dad and my sister. My dad- he just can’t know. I really do like you, I think more than a friend but my dad-“

“It’s fine, Eren” I said slowly, “take your time.”

“I think I do want to, um, I think I want to try being closer than just friends but I-I um”

“We can be slow” I said softly “We’ll work it out, but there’s no rush. I don’t want the press to know either even though they’ve been fine with Jean and Marco.”

“They’re sickeningly cute” Eren commented, I snorted.

“They act like a married couple! They’ve known each other for no time at all!” I exclaimed.

After that, the conversation eased just enough for it to feel like it normally did, like nothing had changed between us when really it had. We finished our drinks and walked out of the front of the pub, back the way we came.

“So, you’ll actually message me this time?” He asked, grinning like an idiot.

“Yes I’ll message you, but don’t you go sending me a million fucking messages brat I have a life” I said blandly.

He stuck his tongue out, “I may text speak but I’m not that annoying”

“Time will tell.” I said again, earning a light push from the brunette.

"Meanie" He grinned at me again, and turned off in the direction I embarrassingly knew to be the way to his apartment. "Send me that message!" He said as he waved and turned a corner. 

I nodded and waved back, turning a corner and taking out a smoke with a smile. I gave myself those few moments of alone time to relish in the fact that I was now allowed to think about him and message him. So what we were taking it slow, so what he was barely more than a friend, this was progress. I had something good keeping me going, and that was what I really needed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiii thanks for reading  
> they're getting close aren't they, thats nice, I hope nothing ruins that for them   
> that would be unfortunate 
> 
> ANYWAY  
> thank you so much for the kudos n comments etcetc there highly appreciated. 
> 
> stay safe legends :)
> 
> Socials if u fancy a chat or anything in particular -   
> ig - @regular___john  
> Tumblr - regular-john-16278
> 
> [also, I beta read the fic Phoenix by losticarus and I rlly recommend u give it a lil read]
> 
> I KNOW  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGGWN2T-Nno


	13. Moving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> APOLOGIES TO PEOPLE SUBBED   
> WILL B UPDATING ENTIRE FIC NEXT FEW DAYS

Eren and I texted one another for the next few days, mainly instigated by him asking me what I was doing that day and thus telling me to expand when I simply said ‘boring shit I don’t care about’. I had been doing all kinds of paperwork that week for record deals and future concerts and festivals and for some reason, Eren wanted to hear all about it.

On Wednesday morning, I sat on my balcony smoking and writing out chord progressions; something I seemed to do best when either sat at my piano or when I sat alone with my guitar. I went through a phrase I decided would be a chorus when my phone started to ring. I looked down to see Eren’s name pop up on my phone with the picture of the Thames I had taken when I was with him a few weeks ago in the background as my phone buzzed.

“Eren.” I answered the phone. 

“Hi! Levi, how are you?” He asked cheerily. 

“Not bad thanks, just noodling...you?” I asked, moving my acoustic Nanaba had bought many years ago to sit on the chair next to me. 

“Fine, are you free for dinner later?” He blurted, seemingly from out of nowhere. 

Silence. Distant shouts and car noises were all I could hear mixed with Eren’s static from his phone; thoughts whirring through my head. He was the one who was instigating this entire thing, he wanted this. Why?

“I can’t really go out for dinner without someone snooping to be honest” I said, coming out softer than I had intended. 

“Oh-“

“But you could come to my apartment? There’s a way in through a back alley where no press will see you, it attaches to my stairs”

A sigh of relief was heard from my phone “Yeah, that sounds good, cool okay”

“Come by at, say, 6?” I ask, mentally going through my schedule.  _ That should give me an hour to have a shower and appear presentable before he comes _ , I thought. 

“Sounds perfect, I’ll be there” and he hung up. 

-

Once having three showers and giving my apartment a quick clean, at 6 o’clock on the dot my doorbell rang. 

The punctual bastard.

I waited a few seconds before answering the door, turning up the music that was playing a little so it didn't look like I was waiting around for Eren to come. 

I opened the door to Eren grinning at me in a way I hadn’t seen before, it somehow split his face in half and looked annoyingly adorable for a fully grown man. He was wearing branded black hoodie and blue jeans and could have literally been anyone off the street, But he wasn't, not to me. He was Eren. 

I motioned him inside. “Make yourself at home” I monotone, truly forcing boredom into my voice. 

“Words I never thought I’d hear Levi Ackerman say to me, but yes definitely I will make myself at home”

I snorted and led him to my living room “Are you always going to refer to me as Levi Ackerman, or one day will you just use Levi?”

“One day I will, probably.” He said, glancing around my apartment, “Your kitchen is attached to your living room?”

“Yes…”

“Nothing, I just thought celebrities had all their rooms separated” He said, flopping down onto my black sofa. 

“Ah yes, we  _ celebrities _ cannot stand open-plan” I said, sarcasm dripping through my words. 

He sighed, his head falling onto the back of the sofa. “If i knew you were so sassy in person I would’ve picked a different celebrity to talk to, I’m not funny enough for this shit” He said, motioning at nothing in particular with extravagant hand expressions. 

“Well, better luck next time.”

He rolled his head to face mine and opened his mismatched eyes to stare at mine. “What’s the plan, celebrity man.” He asked, arching a beautiful eyebrow. 

I scratched the back of my neck, “Film and pizza? We could make popcorn too if you want.” 

Eren jumped up and walked towards my kitchen, myself following tentatively on his heel. He opened and closed draws for a bit trying to figure out where my popcorn pan was as I found the kernels and tried to explain where it was. He set it up and started to make popcorn; while I leaned on the countertop and watched him do so. 

“Your eyes…” I trailed off. 

“I was wondering when you would ask, I have sectoral heterochromia” 

I hummed as if this made perfect sense. 

“Some people have complete heterochromia where both eyes are different colours and some people have central heterochromia where the colour is different from the border to the rest of the iris. I have sectoral heterochromia so only part of my eye is a different colour to the rest of my eye.” 

“Cool.” I said, rather dumbly. 

“I guess, it's hereditary though so it’s kind of normal in my family.” He continued, “My mum had it so I guess it's from her side” I nodded, “I haven’t told you about my mum have I?” He abruptly said, seemingly coming from nowhere. 

“What about her?”

“She died when I was 13, sort of feel like I should’ve mentioned that” He said, his voice completely calm

I sucked in a breath, and images of my mother poured into my head. Kuchel smiling, playing piano, humming along to the classical music coming from our radio, coming home with fresh bread from the opposite bakery. I always associated my mother with the smell of bread, despite some of the sickening smells I was forced to endure with her later in life. My hand instinctively shot to the ring resting against my chest. 

“It’s okay, I’m kind of over it now to be honest. She had cancer and she kind of deteriorated quite quickly so we all knew it was coming”

“I- I’m”

“You don’t have to apologise, mate. “

I nodded dumbly again, deciding not to mention my mother in that moment and saving it for another time. Eren was only a friend after all, he wasn’t close enough to open up to. 

We returned to silence, the only noise being the gentle popping of the popcorn Eren was making and the noise of him padding around my kitchen finding topping for the popcorn. Once done and created, we moved to the sofa and I ordered pizza from an app on my phone. 

“What film are we watching?” Eren said, hogging the popcorn. 

“Whatever, I don’t mind. What’s your favourite film?

“I like the Lord of the Rings trilogy” he blurted.

I chuckled, “I have all the extended editions, are you up for a binge?”

His face lit up again, light shining from his eyes “I am _always_ up for a Lord of the Rings binge.”

-

Three films later, I woke up to see Eren asleep with his head on my shoulder. I faltered, but then shifted to move a long strand of stray hair off of his forehead. _God,_ _he looks beautiful_ , I thought to myself. 

I shook my head, this has got to stop. 

I returned back to the position I had slept in again and let myself fall asleep to the gentle noise of Eren’s breathing. 

-

Seemingly immediately after closing my eyes, I open them to find that it was light outside; and that Eren was gone. I frantically looked around, worried something had happened to him but stop when I see him in my kitchen frying what appears to be pancakes. 

I grinned and stood up, preparing to walk over but remembering something that brought a slight sinking feeling to my stomach.  _ Hanji _ . I quietly walked over to my front door and closed one of the locks, before walking back to the kitchen and sitting at the island. 

“So you’re making me breakfast now, are you?” I hummed. 

He jolted in surprise, but kept his attention focused on the pancakes. “I hope you don’t mind, I was really fancying them and saw that you had the right ingredients”

I smiled softly to myself, ignoring the fact that Eren was still wearing the same clothes he had been wearing last night; this was a perfect image. I got up and retrieved pancake toppings from various cupboards and placed them neatly by the existing pile on the table. 

I pulled out a large plate and Eren began stacking pancakes on, humming a song to himself and bobbing his head along with it. I listened intently for a moment, trying to decipher the song. 

“Oh fuck I wrote that one in a pub toilet in Leeds” I remembered, realising he was humming one of King Raven’s older songs. 

His humming faltered, “I keep forgetting you’re Levi Ackerman and I can’t do shit like that’ He awkwardly said, finishing the pancake stacking and returning the pan back to the hob. 

I moved one of the pancakes to my plate and started adding my toppings. “Silly brat, I don’t mind if you want to hum my songs. I’m glad you like them” 

After that, the conversation moved sharply to where I’d written all of his favourite songs and how long they took to write. Eren was unreasonably interested in this stuff, so I humoured him with entirely honest answers until we finished out pancakes and Eren remembered he had a job to go to.

It was handy that he left when he did, as about a minute afterwards there was a knock at my door. 

Assuming it was still Eren, I walked embarrassingly fast to the door and opened it with a half smirk on my face. I was ready to throw some clever shit at the brat, saying he was like an obsessed fanboy, but when I saw Erwin stood at the door all words failed me. 

“I need to talk to you, Levi.” He said, making my mood sour even further from the giddy bliss I had been in not too long ago. 

I stepped aside to allow my ex to come in, busying myself with cleaning the kitchen again to avoid eye contact. 

“Breakfast?” He asked, noticing more than one plate being put into the dishwasher. 

“Something like that.”

He remained silent for a moment, then walked over so that he was sat at the kitchen counter, how hands braced on the table. “Levi I-...We need to talk”

“You said that bit, shitty eyebrows, I’m giving you time to start the talking thing” I huffed, trying to get rid of the sinking feeling in my stomach at hearing that string of words yet again. 

Erwin cleared his throat. “I guess it’s best to just say it outright instead of diverting away from what I want to say..I have a new boyfriend.”

My loading of the dishwasher faltered for a moment, my eyes bulging but thankfully out of eyeshot of the giant man. I carried on filling the machine and turned it on, then took a quick breath and turned around to flash a smile at my ex. “Congrats Erwin, I’m happy for you.” I said, much softer than I had intended. 

“You are? Levi, you know how much you mean to me-”

“I’m happy you’ve moved on Erwin, you really needed to find someone proper to get together with so I’m happy for you...really I am.”

“Thank you, Levi.” 

“So... _IS_ he a policeman?” I joked, attempting to lighten the mood. 

He snorted, “Actually, he’s doing a PhD in advanced healthcare” 

“A doctor! I knew you’d end up with a uniform”

He chuckled at this, standing up and starting to walk back to the door. “I’m so glad you’ve taken this so well, I was kind of worried!”

“Of course! Now go back to him, I can see you’re itching to go” I grinned, opening the door for him. 

Erwin smiled, placing a hand on top of my shoulder bringing back memories I really didn’t need to be reminded of. “Thank you.” 

He walked down the corridor away from my apartment, and I softly closed my door, ensuring to lock the door as much as I could. 

I soundlessly walked to my balcony and sat on my chair, pulling out a cigarette and having a smoke. 

Then the tears came. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welllll hello there  
> long time no see  
> hope u enjoyed, if ur ere thanks for coming and this far too  
> as mentioned, will be updating a lot next few days so look out for that  
> Thank you for reading!!!
> 
> MOVING   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8w81AAK7to
> 
> socialsss  
> ig - @regular___john  
> Tumblr - regular-john-16278


	14. I'm Not in Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologies lmaoooo

A few days passed where I didn’t leave my apartment and I didn’t check my phone. I only played music, cleaned and smoked. I knew people would start to notice soon, and I knew I should probably start acting more mature but all I could think about was the man I had once considered to be the love of my life moving on and settling down. 

I felt I had every right to be this petty. 

It was 3 days later that the first knock sounded at my door at 6pm that I got the guts to approach my door and then open it without even checking who was there. 

“Levi” The woman said. 

“Petra.” I replied, equally as exasperated as she was. 

She barged into my flat, croissant in one hand and her mobile phone in the other. “You’ve done a lovely job with the cleaning” She mused, staring at the kitchen.

I hummed a weak response. 

Petra flopped herself onto my living room sofa after placing the croissant on the kitchen table. We were silent for a moment, awkward as I remained standing by the kitchen and she sat comfortably. “I’m going to order some food, I really don’t care what. Then we’re going to talk this shit through, alright?” 

I mentally gasped at her use of the word shit, as she rarely ever said words that could be considered as swearing. “There’s not a lot to talk about with this one, I’m just taking ages to get over it.” 

More silence. This time, she had turned to face me from her seat, eyebrows raised and eyes squinting as she attempted to read me. 

“Can I call someone then, and you two can go off and you can talk to them instead?” She asked, tapping her phone with her index finger as she maintained the grip she’d established walking in. 

I raised an eyebrow, crossing my arms across my chest. “And who might this someone be?” 

“Someone you need to talk to, who needs to talk to you.” She murmured, getting out her phone. I peeked over her shoulder to see what she was doing, and noticed her sending out a text message.

“Cryptic.”

“Just wait.” She said, standing up and pocketing her phone. She walked over to the kitchen and busied herself with tidying up the croissant she had brought with her. I almost started to help her and clean the surfaces again when a knock at the door thumped. “You should get that.” She said, smiling softly. 

I grunted and walked to the door, pulling it open slowly to reveal the mismatched eyes and dark clothing of a man I hadn’t expected to see today. 

“Hi Levi!” He grinned, hiding his hands in the long sleeves of his dark grey branded hoodie. 

“Eren.” I said, opening the door wider so he could come in. How did Petra find him?

“Thank you for inviting me Mrs Ral, I-”

“Petra is fine, darling. I must dash off now, I’m afraid, so I’ll leave you two to it.” Petra blabbed out quickly, taking hold of the door I was still holding on to. 

“Thank you for having me, Levi” 

“Petra-”

She leaned in for a one-armed hug, speaking in my ear. “You need this, just speak to him.” She moved away and smiled softly at me again, before walking out and closing the door. 

Stunned, I slowly turned around to Eren sat at my kitchen table with his arms crossed looking awkwardly around the room. 

I sighed and walked over to sit next to him. “How much do you know?” I bluntly said, avoiding eye contact and staring straight ahead. 

“Pretty much everything, mate. I found Hanji’s social media and she told me the broad outline.” 

I covered my eyes with my hands, as if having them there would push back all the tears I had cried over that man. “Tch” I jumped slightly as I felt a hand resting on my back, but quickly relaxed to realise Eren had done it. 

We sat in silence for a few moments, Eren rubbing small circles into my back and myself trying my best not to cry. I also didn’t especially want to move from the comforting position I was in with Eren, but I didn’t exactly voice this thought. 

I stood up eventually and wordlessly walked over to my balcony, hearing Eren following behind me after rustling around with something. I sat down and did up my hoodie, then took out a packet of cigarettes from my jacket pocket. I placed one between my lips and held the box in Eren’s general direction as an offering. 

“Ah, I don’t smoke….sorry” Eren apologised, voice sounding mildly strained. 

I shrugged and put the box back in my pocket, lighting my ciggy and blowing the smoke away from Eren’s general direction without much thought. 

“We were together for two years, you know? That’s the longest I’ve ever been with someone. We even talked about marriage and children and shit.” I blurted, without Eren asking the question but feeling a need for it to be answered. 

The other man wordlessly placed a plastic bag on the table, removing a packet of cookies and some popcorn and started to eat. 

I took a drag and continued speaking, “Obviously- I mean I told him I didn’t want to settle down with him because- well it’s kind of deep. But for some reason the idea of him settling down without me is hard to swallow.” 

“And that’s completely understandable. You guys invested so much into your relationship, it was clearly very important to you both.” I grunted a half hearted response. “If it helps, my best friend just got into a relationship and he is constantly with this mystery man he won’t tell us about. It’s sickening!” 

I snorted. “Do you just hate relationships in general then?” I asked.

“I hate them when I’m not in them, I’ve only really ever been in two relationships before and they weren’t relationships for very long. They became ‘just fucking’ really quickly. That probably speaks volumes about my character” He huffed. 

“Or the people you chose to fuck.”

“Or the people I chose to fuck, this is true” He sighed, having another bite of his cookie. 

I pinched a cookie for myself and looked up to the stars, smiling as I knew the man next to me was doing the same. 

“My turn to buy dinner, then we could watch a film?” He asked, his voice soft.

I smiled a soft smile, “Sounds perfect.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya again  
> little chapter where Eren n Levi have a little chat, not massive plot point but important all the same I suppose
> 
> cheers for reading u absolute legends
> 
> the song is actually one of my favourite songs ever for this chapter, fun fact. lyrics are stunning.   
> none of these chapters do the songs justice, and when I eventually do my one shot a month thing for 2021 I'll write a one shot with this song in mind n it'll b so good I PROMISE  
> anyways
> 
> IM NOT IN LOVE  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STugQ0X1NoI
> 
> ig - @regular___john  
> Tumblr - regular-john-16278


	15. I Want None of This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING : mentions of violence, slurs

Erwin finding a new boyfriend didn’t circulate as quickly as I thought it would’ve done, what with it being somewhat big news in our band’s circle. It took me inviting Farlan and Marco over for breakfast and talking to them about it all for them to find out. 

Initially, they were extraordinarily careful with me. They seemed extra cautious about what they said and tried to steer the conversation so that I was leading it so that they didn’t say the wrong thing. It was with me blabbing to make some sort of conversation that led me to inform them that I had been writing songs while in my state, and they immediately warmed up to that. 

We ambled into my practice room, a tea each, and jammed together just like we used to when we were younger when Farlan and myself were 15 and Marco 13. Much like those old times, the music came stunningly quickly alongside the lyrics and meager riffs I had made up. Unlike those days, however, we actually had capabilities in songwriting and production.

We called over our production team a week later, this annoyingly including Erwin, and recorded 3 songs with a few others in the process of being ready to finish. As usual, production went by in a blur and, in absolutely no time, we were releasing a new single. 

I seemed to blink and then I was suddenly sitting in the radio studio with my two bandmates talking about the single and an album we were working on. I had remained relatively quiet up to that point until the interviewer started to question me personally. 

“Levi, I’ve heard through the grapevine that you wrote this song in a day?” 

I cleared my throat and spoke, my voice gravelly with lack of sleep. “Yeah, I basically locked myself in my flat for a few days and wrote a few bits and pieces. Then I invited these two over and it became our new song” I replied honestly, missing out the part about Erwin and how Eren encouraged me to talk to Marco and Farlan about it all. 

“And what a song it is! I hope you three don’t mind but we have some of your listeners calling in to talk about it” She said, grinning apologetically at us. 

Marco waved her off, smiling one of his dazzling smiles. “Of course! We’re more than happy to talk to them.” Farlan and I hummed affirming responses alongside our bassist. 

“Great! First of all, we have Sophie from Aberdeen”

There was a muffled sound of screeching from the other end of the call, and some movement before a broad Scottish voice came out of the speaker system. “King Raven! I love your music, you’re all a massive inspiration to me! My girlfriend and I have been to all of your concerts in Scotland” 

“That means the world to us, Sophie. We’re happy you both could come.” I spoke up, seeing my bandmates smile back at me. 

“Do you know when the next album will drop?”

Farlan barked out a laugh, “If someone knows, I’d love for them to let me know too! We just need to get in a room for like a month straight and get stuff done I think, so hopefully sometime next year.” He replied for all of us, resounding nods from myself and our bassist agreeing with him. 

The interviewer beamed at us, “Thanks Sophie, great stuff! Our next caller is Leonard all the way from Montpellier.”

My face fell, everything around me seeming to freeze and my breath hitching. 

“Levi! Je t'aime tellement! Je t'admire depuis des années, j'ai toujours voulu te rencontrer.” My uncle chirped down the speaker system, the last section of his speech being a subtle phrase he had learnt to include if he ever managed to contact me. He wanted to meet up. 

{Levi! I love you so much! I’ve admired you for years, I always wanted to meet you.} 

“Cela signifie beaucoup pour moi, Leonard. Merci beaucoup pour tous vos gentils mots” I let the words pour out, my mouth on autopilot in my native tongue as my mind swirled with thoughts about meeting with the man again after going so long without seeing him. 

{That means a lot to me, Leonard. Thank you so much for your kind words}

“I forgot you were French, Levi! Your fans- I mean listeners will love this!” The interviewer butted in, another large grin on her face. 

“Merci.”

The rest of the interview went uneventfully, and I left Farlan and Marco to answer the majority of the remaining question while I sat and thought through the entire situation. At the end, I turned down driving with Pyxis and put on a beanie and sunglasses to get the tube to the location I knew Kenny would be waiting for me. 

The whole journey was something I had deeply missed, I knew getting the tube was probably not advisable but it was something I had done since being a young teenager and something I deeply missed despite being severely unclean. 

I arrived at the Canary Wharf station a lot faster than I had anticipated, and made my way out of the station slowly to walk the old familiar walk to Montgomery Square to our usual bench opposite the sculpture of a centaur. 

Sure enough, sitting opposite the sculpture on our usual bench was my uncle, a skinny wrinkled man wearing a dark tailored suit and hat atop his slim head. He had a cigarette in one hand, while the other rested casually on the back of the bench. 

I cleared my throat as I approached, highly aware that my ripped black jeans and baggy black hoodie drastically differed from his smart outfit. 

He looked up and grinned a toothy smile, not moving from where he was sitting. “Hey there, shortie.”

“Tch.” I took a seat next to the man as far from him on our bench as I could, pulling out a cigarette of my own and lighting it. 

“How’s things?” 

I raised an eyebrow as I took a drag from my ciggy, “I know why you called, Kenny. I’m not an idiot.”

“And yet you make music for a living.”

I rolled my eyes. “This is the attitude that won’t get you what you want, fuckface.” 

My uncle chuckled. “I know I’ll get what I want, so you can tone down the meaningless insults” 

A brief silence ensued, my heartbeat sounding in my ears. “How much?”

“That’s what I want to hear! Do you think you could spare maybe 10 grand to your old man?”

“Nah, fuck off.” I spat. 

“You’re an ungrateful little bitch, you know that right. If it weren’t for me you wouldn’t even be in this putain de pays laid” {fucking ugly country}

“Tch.”

“Girlfriend yet?”

Mismatched eyes clouded my vision as a brief smile etched its way onto my face, but I erased all signs of happiness to reply. “No, not quite.”

“Well, man up and get one because one fairy in a band is enough. Sort it out otherwise what’s the fucking point in calling yourself a man. Can’t give me money, can’t get a girlfriend, what can you do Levi?” 

I stood up, having heard enough. “Whatever.” And began to walk away. 

“Don’t you dare turn your back on me!” Kenny’s voice boomed, hearing him walk up behind me I froze in place. 

Kenny grabbed my arm and exposed the forearm from my hoodie. “Get me that money.” The older man slowly pressed his lit cigarette into my arm, causing me to hiss in discomfort. 

“Cash, cheque or bank transfer” I monotoned, once calming my voice down from the initial pain. 

“That’s more like it. Cheque will do, post it to my Marseille address.” 

I nodded to confirm I had understood. He removed the cigarette and spoke in my ear. “You haven’t heard the last of me, Rivalle. Man up” And with that, he walked away. 

-

After my encounter with Kenny, things went downhill incredibly quickly. I somehow managed to make it back to my apartment without anyone seeing me, but the second I got in I bolted all my doors and had a scorching hot shower to wash away the feeling of dirt from being touched by my uncle. 

I was red-raw afterwards after scrubbing my skin until I felt as though I was rid of the dirt. I got dressed into a different pair of black jeans and a different black jumper, and decided it was best to get the cheque written and posted instead of thinking about it for days on end. 

I wrote it up and left my house, surprising myself as I brought my phone and keys. I was aware that my phone had been buzzing non-stop for a few hours now but I hadn’t cared to check it. 

I posted the letter with my neatly written handwriting printed on top, but found my legs walking me away from my apartment and to a very familiar bridge. 

I held the ring around my neck as I walked, silent tears flowing down my face; luckily covered by my too big hood. The bridge itself was empty, and judging by the lack of daylight and general activity it had to be quite late. 

I allowed myself to smile as I moved back to the ledge I had been sat on a few weeks ago, although I felt nothing had changed. All I wanted was my mother to tell me that everything was okay, that I had nothing to worry about. But I felt all sense of belonging drift away from me like a leaf being carried away down a river. 

I closed my eyes and edged ever-so closer to the edge, gripping onto the necklace for dear life. 

“Shitty water for a swim, mate” 

The familiar voice startled me, as the beautiful man came and sat down next to me on the ledge. I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes and shook my head. “That’s an old one now. We’ve got to stop meeting like this” 

Eren shook his head and moved to rest it on my shoulder, somehow sending a comforting warmth through my body. “I’m glad I found you, though. Twice now.”

I snorted and tapped my fingers against my leg, itching to have a cigarette but refraining as Eren was there. “Sorry to put you through this shit.”

“If I wasn’t willing to be put through this, I wouldn’t have walked to this bridge at 3am now would I?” 

“I suppose not.”

A boat passed underneath the bridge, London tourist guides all sat in it appearing to be napping on each other. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

I let our a breath, “It’s a really long story, I don’t know if I really want to get into the whole thing right now”

Eren moved his arm to rest on my back, rubbing comforting circles on my back as what seemed to be becoming a regular action he was forced to engage in. “You don’t have to tell me Levi, take you time if you want. I don’t plan on going anywhere.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> KENNYYYYYYYYY
> 
> lol im on a mad one rn   
> as promised ig  
> hope u enjoyed, thanks for reading 
> 
> I WANT NONE OF THIS  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_DXZOQ1WV0
> 
> ig - @regular___john  
> Tumblr - regular-john-16278


	16. Are You Satisfied?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning  
> violence, slurs

A few days later, the band showed up to a studio to prepare for a live show to play our most recent single for some tv show. We had been planning the event for a few days over breakfasts, finding out we could bring whoever we wanted to watch from the sidelines while the general public made up the audience. 

Farlan bringing Izzy was a given, and so was Marco bringing Jean at this sickening stage in their relationship. I, however, decided to blurt out that I had someone I wanted to bring. We were only talking as a three, so I knew whatever it was I said would stay there. 

I told them he was a photographer friend of mine, and they agreed very easily. I was immediately skeptical of their acceptance, though, worried that they had accepted because they pitied me or something. I kept my insecurities to myself. 

In the studio, members of our touring crew had been checking the sound on our instruments and their tuning so by the time we arrived; everything was pretty much ready to go. I gave Eren a quick apologetic smile before going to the stage for a practice session, leaving him in the capable hands of his friend Jean and Izzy. 

“Your photographer forgot his camera.” Farlan said softly while pottering around with his drum kit. 

I snorted and avoided his gaze, doing some pottering of my own on my new custom guitar I had made specially for me; one that I was contractually obliged to play in public at least 10 times but luckily for them - I loved it. 

“Maybe he photographs from his phone?” Marco offered.

“No one professional does that, right? They all have special rigging and stuff” 

“I was wondering if we could make him the band’s photographer.” I randomly blurted, surprising myself with the outburst. 

“Where did that come from?” Farlan said, leaning forward on his stool. 

I sighed and walked towards the drunk kit, Marco following, so we could have a more private conversation briefly. 

“I really like him. I don’t really know what- fuck. I just-”

“It’s okay mate, we understand” Marco murmured, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. 

Farlan grinned up at me, “He doesn’t have to work with us to stick around, unless he particularly wants to work for us. He seems quite happy over there.” He said, looking to where the 3 others were sitting.

I turned my head at lightning speed to see Eren, Jean and Izzy all belly-laughing together on their stools without a care in the world. They paid no mind to the band watching them, all smiling at the image in front of them. 

“He fits quite nicely.” Marco murmured. 

-

“And finally, the moment you’ve all been waiting for! It’s my absolute pleasure to bring out the greatest, and coincidentally my favourite, band of all time. You guessed it…” The crowd boomed with noise, our three companions joining in with the screams. “King Raven!” 

We walked on stage, Farlan first closely followed by Marco and myself. We decided to do this one semi smart and somewhat coordinated. We all wore black trousers, Farlan wore a white vest and Marco a yellow t-shirt while I wore a black long-sleeved top. I rolled up my sleeves coming onto the stage, exposing my heavily tattooed arms and felt a jolt go through me of the familiar excitement of playing to a crowd. 

For what felt like the millionth time, I tested my guitar’s tuning only in my earphone to find it was still in tune, and breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks for having us, this is Phantom.” I monotoned, turning round to flash a grin at my bandmates who returned my enthusiasm. 

Farlan looked over to Marco who gave him a thumbs up, and then brought his arms in the air alongside his sticks. He cracked them together four times to count us in, and on the fourth tap we exploded. Marco playing a complex riff on his bass, and myself playing power chords and headbanging along with my bandmates to the intro. 

The crowd cheered, out of the corner of my eye I briefly noticed similar dancing from the crowd and couldn’t help but grin. I straightened up, pausing my strumming to allow Macro to have his Bass solo and pushed my hair out of my face before moving in front of the microphone and starting to play the chords. 

Undying ghosts of our existence 

Reminisces of you and I 

I grasp onto the dead 

But they slip by 

The words poured out of me, each one reminding me of the pain of finding out Erwin had moved on; but the song itself meant so much more than that. The song had been transformed to one of movement, everyone in the crowd was at least bobbing their heads along if not full-on headbanging to the song. My smile never faltered as I sang, my fingers moving up the neck of my guitar seemingly working on auto pilot. 

Echoes of you reside in me

I see you lively, all the time

I smile as they come and go

Loving you was no crime

After another round of the chorus, the song ended on myself and Marco stepping on our sustaining distortion pedals to allow the last notes to echo on. We turned to each other and had a quick hug before waving at the cameras, knowing the show was ending now that we had finished. 

The audience cheered, electric with energy after dancing to our song. Thinking about that fact made me grin to no end, walking over to Farlan to give him a quick hug before returning backstage. 

“That was fucking fun!” Farlan beamed, retrieving his sticks and handing some out to the audience at the front. I followed suit and handed out my guitar picks, all having the King Raven logo printed on. 

“I know! It feels like so long since our last gig but it’s been no time!” Marco carried on. 

Once we’d handed out all of our branded items, we started to walk backstage. “We need to get on this album, lads. It’s going to be mega.” I added, genuinely feeling excited at the concept of touring again with my friends. 

“Can I have an autograph, Mr Ackerman?”

I stiffened at the voice from behind me, immediately recognising who it was that was talking. 

“Hi guys, you were awesome!” Eren decided that was the ideal moment to come up to us, a wide grin on his face. His face faltered as he assessed the scene in front of us, myself looking incredibly uncomfortable with the presence of the man behind me. 

“And who might you be?” Kenny butted in, Marco and Farlan taking the opportunity to walk away from the situation. 

“I’m Eren, nice to meet you sir.” He supplied, holding a hand out to my uncle. 

“Sir! That’s a new one, I’m guessing you’re staff or-”

“Leave.” I growled, moving to glare daggers at the man standing opposite me. 

“But we were just getting acquainted, Rivalle! Why would you-” 

“He asked you to leave, didn’t he?” Eren said calmly, taking a step away from my uncle. 

My heart sank, he shouldn’t have stood up for me. 

Kenny looked between the two of us and whistled, a strange expression on his face. “What’s this? He’s being awfully nice to you, isn’t he?” 

I continued my glare, feeling less and less in control of the situation. 

“Est-ce donc votre petit copain? Quoi de neuf avec son visage? Que c'est embarrassant! C'est la faute de ta mère salope.”

{So is this your boyfriend? What’s up with his face? How embarrassing! It’s the fault of your bitch mother.}

Hearing my uncle say those small words about my mother and Eren, something in me snapped. I leaped forward and punched Kenny’s face. 

“Tu ne parles pas d'elle,” I screamed up at him now, my hands moving to clench in fists by my side. “ne parle jamais de ma mère comme ça! Vous Merde!” I restrained myself from punching him again, seeing Kenny holding his bleeding nose and grinning down at me.

{You don’t talk about her, never talk about my mother like that! You shit!}

“Finalement! L’enfant devient un homme et fait quelque chose de bien.Un garçon de maman, cependant” He smiled a sly smile, clearly trying to get me riled up in a room full of people. 

{Finally! The child becomes a man and does something good. A mummy’s boy, though.}

Luckily enough, the majority of the people had already left, so at a quick glance I noticed that it was only the band and our companions as well as some members of the crew. Including Erwin. 

“Et si j'aime ma mère, elle était la meilleure chose pour honorer cette planète” 

{And so what if I love my mother, she was the greatest thing to grace this planet}

“Dommage qu'elle se soit fait baiser à mort.” 

{Too bad she got fucked to death} 

That was it. Hearing those ugly words spill out in what was my beautiful French, I felt all feelings fade away. I stood in silent shock, willing any tears that were brewing to save themselves for when I was alone later. 

He couldn’t see me cry. 

“That’s enough. Kenny, you need to leave.” Erwin butted in, walking round to stand in front of me. 

“Ah, the manager. I suppose this is where I bid my leave, young master Ackerman. Stay in touch, yeah?” Kenny beamed, before turning around to walk briskly out of the studio before security got to him. 

I absentmindedly moved my hand to grasp at the ring around my neck, willing the grim thoughts of my mother lying dead in her bed away from my head. 

I felt a gentle hand touch my arm. At first I flinched, thinking it was Erwin. I looked to see Eren standing next to me, a sad smile on his face. 

“Let’s go, Levi.” He said softly, and I nodded and allowed Eren to walk me away. 

I vaguely remember putting on a hoodie on my way out, and walking down busy London streets with one shaky hand loosely holding onto Eren’s firm one. We weaved through the tourists and ended up on a bench in a park I hadn’t even remembered entering, sat in silence. I was aware, though, of my hand still still holding onto his in the middle of the bench. 

“I’m sorry about that.” I croaked out guiltily. 

Eren shifted so that his head was leaning on my shoulder, “I want to look after you Levi, don’t apologise for that. I’m sorry I didn’t stop it.”

I shook my head, wanting to say more but not finding it in myself to carry on talking about it. 

The silence that came after we spoke allowed my brain to spiral, however, thinking about all the things that had been said. In particular, the thing about Eren. 

“What are we?” I whispered, tapping my leg as I desperately craved a cigarette. 

Eren’s breath hitched, “What do you mean?”

“We spend a lot of time together, most of our time really. I don’t know about you but you’re constantly on my mind, and all I want is to be close to you. Is this a thing? Are we in a relationship?” Eren sat up at this point, watching me speak. “Or are we just good friends?” 

Eren sighed and messed up his hair, looking up to the stars. 

“What are we?” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooooooooooooooooooooooooh   
> thiiiiings
> 
> ty for reading as per
> 
> ARE YOU SATISFIED?  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0Lvm5fyKU0
> 
> ig - @regular___john  
> Tumblr - regular-john-16278


	17. What Do You Want from Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning  
> mentions mild homophobia  
> coming out

“What do you want?” Eren slowly asked, his gaze shifting from star-to-star in the sky. 

“You tell me, brat, I asked first.”

“I want you.” 

“You want me to hang out with you or you want me to be your boyfriend?” I asked. 

“I think you know.” He said, still looking up at the stars but focussing on one in particular. 

“Clearly I don’t as I fucking asked.”

“Levi…” He moved his gaze from the star to me, tilting his head slightly as if he were thinking about the right thing to say. 

“Eren, please, just give me a straight answer” I sighed, my voice wobbling slightly. “I’m sorry to rush you on this shit, but I really don’t think I can keep putting myself through-”

My words were interrupted by the soft lips of the beautiful man sitting next to me, his warm hand moving to cup my cold face in the brief kiss. 

His lips moved but his hand remained where it was. “I want to be your boyfriend...if that’s ok.” He said, staring directly into my eyes. 

“Yes.” I said, with an embarrassing lack of thinking time between what he had asked me. 

He snorted out a laugh and moved his hand off of my face, moving to rest his head back on my shoulder. “I’ve been wanting to kiss you for quite some time now, Levi Ackerman.”

“Still insisting on the Ackerman thing?”

“Of course, I still pinch myself every morning.” He chuckled, his arms snaking around my body in a warm embrace. 

“We-uh… I can’t tell the press yet. I just can’t deal with that shit just yet.” I said. 

“I understand.” He said, and then abruptly sat up again. “I need to tell my dad.”

I moved from my slouched position and nodded confidently, realising the magnitude of the situation. “I’m not rushing this, am I? I don’t want to-”

“I want this, Levi. I want you. And I need to tell my dad, if we’re going to do this. I want to tell my dad.” I nodded along with his words, feeling more secure about the whole thing. 

“When are we telling him?”

Eren raised an eyebrow at ‘we’ but said nothing, and proceeded to pull out his phone and pressed a few things, “He’s working late tonight, and finishes in about a half hour. We could meet him in a cafe and tell him tonight?” He said.

I smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder, attempting to comfort him in the same way that he always managed to do for me. 

“Okay.” 

-

We walked into the dimly lit cafe, myself having pulled on a beanie I miraculously had in my back pocket to avoid wearing my hood up; and my sunglasses. After ordering two teas, Eren led me to a table at the back that at first glance appeared unoccupied, but upon further inspection seated a man with similar features to Eren. He had a strong yet slim face, shoulder length brown hair and wore a pair of rounded glasses. 

“Hi dad.” Eren smiled, confirming my suspicions about their relation. We slid into the booth opposite the man and sat down, both staring at him somewhat uncomfortably. 

“Hey Eren!” He greeted, putting away the journal he was reading into his leather bookbag. “What’s going on then? Who’s your friend?” He asked, glancing briefly at me. 

“Dad, I really need to talk to you about something important-” he began, when the waitress came over with our tea. 

After assuring her we had everything we needed, she left and Eren’s father started to talk. “What’s going on?” He questioned again. 

“I’m bisexual.” Eren said. I held back a snort at his bluntness, deciding this probably wasn’t the best time. 

“You what?”

“I’m bisexual, and this is my boyfriend. I care about him a lot, and he cares about me.” 

“Hmm...What’s your name, boy?” the man asked.

I removed the sunglasses, placing them on the table. “I’m Levi.” 

The man tilted his head slightly to the side, as if in thought “I know you. I’ve seen you somewhere before.”

“Posters.” Eren murmured, embarrassed. 

“Ah! Posters in Eren’s room and the tube stations. Of course, you’re in King Raven! I loved your piano piece in your first album.”

“You mean...Villeneuve Les Maguelone?” I questioned, wracking my brain to remember our first album after making so many. 

“Yes! I did some reading about hearing the song, and it’s about a cathedral right by the sea it not?” 

“That’s right, in Montpellier.”

“Right! Stunning piece, you’re a very talented pianist and French singer.” 

“Thank you sir.” I replied, still cautious of the man. 

“No please, call me Grisha.” 

Eren cleared his throat, “Dad...aren’t you angry?” 

Grisha sighed, “...I’m not happy, in fairness. I’m not too comfortable with the idea of homosecuality, as you are aware Eren.” The boy sitting next to me nodded slowly. Pessimism tumbled into my thoughts, the idea of Grisha saying this to his eventual future monetary benefit. “However, Levi is a very talented man. I have no reason to believe someone as gifted as him would take advantage of you.” 

I felt Eren gently rest his hand on my knee, and turned to glance at the soft smile resting on the lips of the beautiful man sitting beside me. We had had an eventful evening together, and he had seen me break down, yet he still wanted to be close to me and tell his father about us. I felt lucky to be in his shining presence.

“-and I believe he can treat you right. So, I’m willing to try.” The man sat opposite said, a genuine smile resting on his face making me question my pessimism. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn back again so soon  
> tysm for reading 
> 
> WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmlZ1WhlYsM
> 
> ig - @regular___john  
> Tumblr - regular-john-16278


	18. Green Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely fucking love this song, yet another chapter where I rlly haven't done a song justice  
> look out for other fics where I'll try again

A glorious, uneventful 5 months passed where King Raven finished our newest album and began our tour. We started with a small charity event in London, selling tickets for slightly cheaper than usual and encouraging donations as well as pledging to give money ourselves. We let the evening be dictated by the audience, seeing what song random audience members wanted us to sing. 

Eren stood at the front, something he said he had missed doing, and requested a very old song from us as I just so happened to ‘randomly’ pick on him. I smirked at the response from the crowd, one that Eren had predicted, and went about tuning and preparing for the old energetic song. 

Most of the night went like this, and the rest of the concerts in the UK went like that too. Aside from being in large arenas and no requests, Eren helped Marco organise the setlist by adding in older tracks that the massive fans such as himself hadn’t heard for a while and were apparently ‘dying to hear live’. 

It worked. Every single song Eren added went down massively well, alongside our newest feature we had decided to make permanent by covering songs we liked while on tour to mix it up even further. 

The absolute joy of the concerts carried on backstage, the crew and the band celebrating massively after every gig together with drinks and dancing. The first few were slightly awkward, after it came out that Erwin’s newest boyfriend was in fact Eren’s best friend Armin. They caught up with one another and their secret boyfriends they both had, while myself and Erwin gravitated away from each other not wanting to talk about any of it. 

Eren and I became closer on tour as well, making the most of having hotel rooms to ourselves every night while we were in the UK by spending every given opportunity we had together somehow. We took it slowly, Eren still a little unsure about the whole thing but I gave him as much space as I possibly could. The biggest change between us was a massive element of cuddling against each other more openly, but aside from that it was pretty much the same.We were frequently seen together, much to Erwin’s mild dissatisfaction, holding hands and talking in hushed tones. 

On the bus to France, Eren sat in the chair next to me asleep on my shoulder. Behind us, Marco and Jean were sleeping on each other in a very similar situation. I couldn’t help but remember a situation not too long ago where Marco and I were alone on a coach talking through our embarrassing love lives but now both had someone attached to us that they cared deeply about. This was the thought on my mind as I closed my eyes to sleep, smiling to myself at the happy situation I was in.

-

I was shaken, hard by a booming voice by my ear. “You need to wake up and read this, Levi. This changes everything.” Erwin shouted, his voice tinged with fear. 

His tone alone woke me up, leading me to pick up the laptop he had shoved onto my lap and read the article in the entertainment section of the online newspaper. 

‘King Raven Frontman in Homosexual Relationship?’

I didn’t bother reading the rest, instead deciding to turn to the sleepy stirring face of the man sat next to me. He rubbed at his mismatched eyes and scrunched up his beautiful face as he stretched and yawned. 

“What’s all the shouting for?” He murmured, settling back into the position he had been with his head on my shoulder. 

I smiled softly to myself, and turned back to face my terrified manager. 

“We’ll deal with it in the morning..” Was all I said, handing him back his laptop. I curled in on the man sitting next to me, closing my eyes and willing myself to push the article to the back of my head until the morning came. Despite feeling a crippling fear of my relationship being discovered by the press after years of doing my utmost to cover it up, I felt confident that it was for the best for it to come out. I felt confident in my relationship with Eren. 

-

“No offence, Erwin, but surely it's up to Levi himself what happens now.”

“I’m the manager, I talk on behalf of the band. Just because you’re both so cosy-”

“He is my boyfriend, yes.”

“Just because of  _ that _ , it doesn’t mean you speak for him.”

“And neither does it for you! He has a fucking mind of his own-”

“Don’t swear at me Eren or I swear to God”

“OI.” I shouted, immediately gaining the attention of the two quarreling men seated at the chairs by the television on our coach. 

“Hiya.” Eren smiled softly, relaxing for some reason at seeing me awake. 

“Good, you’re awake. What’s our message to the public about all this mess?” Erwin asked.

I stood up and stretched, then walked to the kitchen area and started preparing myself and Eren a tea. “Nothing.”

“Nothing?!” Erwin boomed, his voice wavering slightly. “Levi, they have compiled pictures of you and him,” he pointed an accusing finger at Eren, “over MONTHS holding hands, kissing each other backstage, they’ve NOTICED you singing directly to him. They’ve even linked that night on the bridge to him. You’re telling me you have no response to this story? You don’t even want to confirm it?”

“It’s none of their fucking business. Shit me, even having this conversation is bollocks. If i wanted the press to know about my love life I would’ve fucking told them”

“Well now they know, they got a very clear picture of you both kissing backstage in Manchester.”

“That’ll do it.” Eren said, yawning loudly and standing up to help me with our tea. 

“Cheers” I said softly, briefly touching the small of his back before going back to the drinks. 

Erwin sighed behind us, “Whatever, you deal with this your way. You’ve lost a press conference organised by me, though. Organise it yourselves if you decide to have one.” I hummed in response. “Also, we’re in France now and rehearsals start in 2 hours so have a shower and get ready.” 

I gave Eren his completed tea and went back to our seats on the coach to drink, and leaned against my boyfriend. 

“So this is it now I guess.” Eren whispered to me, leaning his head on my shoulder. 

“Hmm.” I hummed a sleepy response, using my free hand not holding tea to play with his hair.

“You don’t mind? That the press know about us?” 

“I don’t mind.” I said, smiling softly to myself. “I think this had to happen.”

-

The crowd was electric, constant noise coming from them in response to the music we were playing. Eren and Marco had chosen another good set list tonight, with some fan favourites as well as opening with our best song to dance to to get the audience riled up. 

Around midway through the concert was time for the cover, and I had suggested the song in private with my two bandmates away from Eren. I quickly ran off stage and replaced my Gibson SG with Nanaba’s acoustic I took everywhere with me. 

Coming back onstage to scattered applause, I moved the microphone so it was tilted to the floor and sat on the edge of the stage as I often did for acoustic songs. I rolled the sleeves of my knitted black jumper up to my elbows and adjusted the mic making sure everything was ready. 

“Here’s a cover now then” I said, earning me loud cheering from the crowd. 

I looked down and, to my delight, in the front row standing directly opposite was my boyfriend. He had his arms on the railing and was grinning up at me like an idiot. The crowd had gone silent by then and was staring at me expectantly, waiting for me to start. 

“Fuck it.” I said, staring at Eren. I looked behind me at my bandmates, looking on at me confused, and then back at the crowd. I smiled at them all, glad this was happening in France. “I’m dedicating this song to my boyfriend.”

The crowd erupted in applause, overwhelming support from the audience about my romantic choices. I grinned like an idiot and turned around again to see Marco and Farlan clapping along with them. 

I took a deep breath and turned back to stare directly at Eren’s beautiful, grinning face before playing the opening notes. 

The crowd were silent, watching me sing with the odd flash going off here and there. Like that, it really did feel like it was just me and Eren. 

Green eyes

Yeah, the spotlight shines upon you

And how could anybody deny you?

I came here with a load

And it feels so much lighter now I've met you

And honey, you should know

That I could never go on without you

Green eyes

People started to notice my incessant staring as the crowd near Eren started pointing their cameras between me and him, but neither me nor him paid them no mind. It felt so intimate, despite being in a massive stadium, because he was so close and the song was so closely linked to us and him. It felt so right.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter had been planned since the vey beginning   
> green eyes......whenever I hear about it I think of my boyfriend and now eren which is kind of strange but at the same time idk swear???? whatever
> 
> ty for reading this far, well done
> 
> GREEN EYES   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmyq9tIiu8g
> 
> ig - @regular___john  
> Tumblr - regular-john-16278


	19. On an Island

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry again if you're subbed and getting bombarded with emails, finishing the fic tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> massive beast of a chapter. many words.
> 
> warning - mentions of violence and abuse

As I had anticipated, but dreaded, after the concert there were videos all over the internet circulating of me dedicating the song to Eren and singing to him. I knew it was stupid, and I knew I probably shouldn’t have done it, but it was worth it. After the concert, Eren kissed me with so much love and sheer happiness, I knew it had been the right thing to do. 

That night, sitting next to each other on the coach, Eren traced the lines on the palms of my hand and spoke softly into my ear. 

“Would you ever take me to where you lived when you were younger, in Montpellier?” He asked. 

If it were anyone else, I would immediately deny them the opportunity of going there with me. But for some reason, Eren asking me such a thing felt so much more different. 

I raised a hand to play with his hair, “I was born in Villeneuve-lès-Maguelone in Montpellier, you’d really want to go there?” I asked slowly.

“Only if you’d be willing to take me. I understand it’s hard for you, but I’m here for you if you want to go.” 

I briefly thought over the worst case scenario of going back there, coming up annoyingly empty handed. “We have a breather day tomorrow. We’re in Toulouse at the moment, it would take us about two and a half hours to get there.” I said, mentally planning everything. 

“I can rent a car and drive us there and back, if we get up early we can drive and be there for 10-ish and have lunch there?”

I nodded along with his words, “Okay.” I said. It was time to overcome this bullshit. 

-

The drive in the rental was painless, luckily enough for me Eren was a good driver. The radio station was awful, but Eren found it fun to ask me constantly what they were talking about. We’d listen for 10 minutes then he’d change to a different station to fill time. It was annoying, but I slowly started to understand that he was doing it to take my mind off the end destination of our journey. 

We arrived at a reasonable time and parked in the centre of town next to a pharmacy flashing the weather, being 24C and the time. Eren paid for the parking and we walked in the general direction of the sea. 

“What do you want to see?” I asked, keeping my voice as bland as I could seeing buildings I hadn’t seen since being a young boy. 

“Whatever you’re willing to show me,” He started, “But I’d love to see the Cathedral.” 

I smiled, having nothing but fond memories of the Cathedral, “Then we start there.”

Getting there was a pain as always, so we rented bicycles to cross the jetty and to get to the Cathedral itself. Once we were there, the stories embarrassingly poured out. 

“My maman took me here a few times when I was younger, emphasising _ the importance of donner la culture aux enfants _ .” Eren looked at me with a blank expression, “Ah shit, sorry, the importance of giving culture to children. She thought that taking me to places like this when I was small would mean I’d grow up to be some hyper-intelligent genius.”

“You’re a hyper-intelligent musician.” He said. 

“Tch.”

The building hadn’t changed at all, my chest filling with warmth as I remembered all the times I had come here with my mother and she had carefully explained the architecture and read out the latin words adorning the crypts. We walked through the final arch and back towards our bicycles. 

I opened my mouth to speak, but upon noticing Eren wasn’t standing next to me, I turned to see him taking pictures of the cathedral. I smiled and walked over to the man, watching his movements. 

“Sorry, I had to take at least one. It’s such an interesting building.” He said, pulling the camera away from his face, his mismatched eyes gleaming with his excitement. 

I shook my head and laced my arm with his, strolling back to our bicycles. “Nothing to apologise for.”

Once mounting our bikes, I spoke again. “Where next?”

Eren looked over to me, a sad smile on his face. “You can say no, but could we go to where you grew up?” He asked, tilting his head slightly. 

Glancing around, I decided that the trip would be wasted if we didn’t go there. We could even just go to the bakery opposite and then go back; that would be fine. “Sure.”

We rode our bicycles at a leisurely pace, every now and again I’d tell Eren to turn and he would, gently peddling around the town until we reached a deserted street. I rested my feet on the ground suddenly, and looked on at the house I had thought of as my safe place. The plants that my mother had planted were still growing, and soft music leaked from the living room window like it would’ve done when she played piano in there. 

Eren placed a hand on my shoulder, reminding me of his presence. “Do you want to stop for a drink?”

We parked up our bikes outside the cafe and sat down in the covered front garden, ordering two teas and two croissants. I couldn’t help my gaze constantly trailing back to the house opposite us, still looking almost exactly the same to how it had been when we lived here. The only obvious difference seemed to be the paint seeming a duller white to what it was when we moved in. 

“When did you leave here and come to England?” Eren asked gently, taking a hold of my hand. 

I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to give a half-arsed answer when a young couple walked up to the house, their daughter with jet black hair riding a bicycle into the property. An older woman opened the door for them, a shit-eating grin on her face as she beckoned them inside with the promise of a hearty meal. 

It was then that I started to break down, small tears starting to fall from my face. 

“Levi?” Eren asked from beside me, rubbing comforting circles into my hand. 

I wiped my eyes and let out the breath I had been holding, and spoke. “I lived in that house until I was six.”

“I thought you came to England when you were 10?” He asked.

“I did,” Eren said nothing here, thankfully giving me space to formulate in my head how I was going to tell him. “I need to tell you this really…”

“You don’t need to tell me anything, Levi. But, I’m here if you ever feel the need to explain anything to me.” He spoke in a hushed tone, looking around the desolate cafe. 

I smiled at his words and shook my head. “I’ll tell you, I owe it to you. To her.” 

“My mother was a sex worker. In interviews I’ve said she worked in a bakery, but that was because we lived opposite this cafe. I was so used to the smell of baked goods that she almost could’ve been a baker. She was an incredibly talented pianist, and probably would have joined an orchestra or something. Kenny, her brother, was and is one of the higher-ups in a French gang with loads of different locations across the country. They had a brothel based in Montpellier, and that’s where she worked. It’s how she had me, I’m the product of her and one of her clients. 

So, once he found out she was pregnant, Kenny bought her that house. She had said she wanted to have me and her brother supposedly supported her in that. He paid for everything, our food and all the bills just so we could live comfortably. She occasionally picked up shifts here, actually, but I wasn’t allowed to go to school so I’d sit at that table” I pointed to a small table in the corner of the outside area of the cafe, then turned back to Eren who had a look of concern plastered onto his face. “And I’d read and drink tea or whatever. We lived in bliss here for 6 years, no one bothered us and we bothered no one. That was until Kenny stopped paying our bills, and we couldn’t afford to live there anymore. So, my mother was forced to go back to the brothel. 

Luckily enough, I was quite small so I used to sit in the wardrobe while she had clients in. I never understood at that age what it all meant, why there were all these weird noises coming out. There were a few times I tried to have a look, but I got beaten pretty badly. I-uh, sometimes people have grabbed my arm in a certain way that I’ve been reminded of it. It never left, I guess.” Eren’s grip on my hand tightened slightly here, his eyes beginning to brim with tears. “When I was 10, my mother got a client that was especially violent. He enjoyed pain with the sex, strangling and whatnot. He was a regular, and by that age I could understand what it all meant but I still hid in the wardrobe because I was, and still am, quite small. Probably from all those years hiding in a wardrobe.

He went too far, strangled her too hard for too long...she died. He ran out, leaving his money on the bedside table and locked the door behind him. I got out of the wardrobe and walked over to my mother, her eyes still open and ugly red marks across her neck. I cried for what felt like hours before I even thought about getting help. The door was locked, so I screamed and screamed but no one came. I was locked in that room with her for two days before Kenny came in. 

He didn’t ask if I was alright, he didn’t mourn his sister's death. He simply said “How annoying.” After that, he bigged up England to me saying he had family there that would look after me. It didn’t take much persuasion for me to leave after my mothers half-arsed funeral, but when I arrived to be thrown into the foster system I wasn’t sure what I would’ve preferred. 

I didn’t speak a word of English, I was obsessed with cleaning as some stupid psychological thing against the grime I was surrounded by for those 4 years. So I got bullied, some places I got beaten up, I seemingly moved every two weeks and all I had was a small bag and this.” I pulled the necklace from around my neck, revealing my mother’s ring. “I was fourteen when I moved in with Hanji and Nanaba and met Farlan at school. It wasn’t until then that I started to feel comfortable again. 

Kenny found ways to come and find me in England once I started to get money from King Raven; he just wanted more money. He had a few different codes, I should’ve ignored him but he was- is- my only blood relative left. Hanji is my sister and has been since I was 14, but Kenny will always be my uncle. That’s why I let him turn up, pester me, hurt me. I tell myself it's okay because he’s a blood relative. That’s...yeah. ” I said, ending my rant with a quick sip of tea. 

Eren silently leaned over and hugged me, the abruptness causing me to nearly spill my tea. I placed it gently onto the metallic table and brought my hands onto the sides of the face pressing small kisses onto my forehead. 

He leaned back, his eyes glassy with tears as he took a shaky breath. I opened my mouth to speak, but couldn’t find the words I wanted after such a meaningful elaboration. I just didn’t want him to leave. 

“Some of that makes sense, I suppose.” He mumbled, his fingers remaining laced with my own.

“Any questions?” I monotoned.

Eren tilted his head to the side briefly, the soft pad of his index finger softly stroking my knuckle. “Don’t think so, I just noticed you’ve always touched your necklace when you’re anxious and I guess I know why now.”

I looked down at the ring and smiled softly before looking back at Eren. “You would’ve loved her.”

“I’m sure I would’ve, and you would’ve loved my mother too.” He said sadly, staring at our hands. 

I rubbed his finger with the rough pad of my finger, worn from years of playing guitar. “I’ll never let anything bad happen to you Levi. I want to look after you.”

“I should be saying that, I’m the one getting you into the press mess.” I replied. 

“No one says it to you.” He replied, moving to hold my face gently with his spare hand. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maaaassive chapter this  
> damn  
> a lot been explained now
> 
> cheers for reading :) 
> 
> ON AN ISLAND  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kEa__0wtIRo 
> 
> (above is purposely the live version because this man is probably one of my favourite guitarists of all time and idk felt like deserved live version.)
> 
> ig - @regular___john  
> Tumblr - regular-john-16278


	20. Showbiz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> violence warning...again...

Around 24 hours later, after making our way back from my hometown, Eren and myself were with the rest of the band at the Italian airport after leaving our coach in France. We’d opted to go by public airplane, first class as usual, and were let off the plane before anyone else to allow us to rush through the airport to the next coach. 

As we rushed through arrivals, all wearing varied hats and glasses, shouts of italian paparazzi shouted questions at us in broken English about the tour and our relationships. Marco offered replies in a matched broken Italian he had gained from his father as we quickly stumbled through the crowd of shouting and flashes to get to the exit. I gripped onto Eren’s hand beside me, both of us bleary eyed from a tiring few hours and equally anxious to get out of the airport.

“How fucking disgusting.” 

I froze, feeling the colour drain from my face and the hairs on my arms stand on end. Kenny. 

Eren turned to the source of the voice, Kenny standing in the middle of the crowd ahead with a camera sitting around his neck. A sour look rested on his face, his lips curled in his apparent disgust. 

“You weren’t raised to be whatever the fuck is going on here, démêlez-vous de votre  _ jouet _ .” He growled, staring daggers at me. 

{untangle yourself from your  _ toy _ } 

“il n'est pas un  _ jouet _ ” I spat in response, my grip on Eren’s hand tightening. 

{he is not a  _ toy _ }

“Qu'est-il? Un animal de compagnie?”

{what is he? A pet?}

“Il est mon petit copain” I confidently said, moving away from him to leave the airport.

{He is my boyfriend} 

“Vraiment! Il doit être bon au lit, puis. Peut-être que je vais essayer avec lui, voir-”

{Really! He must be good in bed, then. Maybe I’ll have a go with him, see-”}

I cut him off with a punch, directly onto his already damaged nose from last time. However, this time I didn’t stop. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed commotion as people spread apart to get away from us, and I heard Eren screaming me to stop. But I couldn’t. 

Kenny let me punch him without retaliation, leading me to knock him to the ground and continue throwing punches with my numb fists. A low bubble of noise erupted from Kenny, followed by a short string of shallow coughs. I stopped my punching briefly to watch the noises coming from him, eventually erupting into laughter. 

“You realise if you keep pulling shit like this, Rivaille, your precious  _ boyfriend _ will leave you.” He said, spitting on the floor beside him. 

My head whipped up to look around and sure enough, Eren along with the rest of the band had left. The large crowd of people that had surrounded us had stepped back leaving a large gap, one that the airport security were slowly filling. 

I sat back on the floor, wiping my bloodied hands onto my black joggers and crossing them in my lap. Kenny sat up opposite me and waved off the security, signalling he was okay and not to worry. This sort of thing had happened between us a few times over the years, the band usually running off and one of us having to tell security of some description that it was okay and we didn’t want to press charges. 

“I came here for a reason, brat.” He sighed, reaching into his pocket to retrieve some cloth to wipe his face. 

“And what would that be, you slimy son of a bitch.”

Kenny snorted, wiping his bloodied mouth with the back of his hand. “Money. I want some more. You’re wealthy enough to give me a bit more since last time, all this media attention must be getting you something.”

“No.” I snarled, standing up and instinctively reaching out to help Kenny up like I always did. 

“You’re so ungrateful, after everything I did for you.” 

I shook my head and turned around to walk away. 

“What would your mother think?”

Realising now he did this for a reaction, I continued to walk away without faltering, faintly hearing Kenny laughing at me in the distance. 

I walked around to the side of the airport, straightening my hat and glasses. A few members of the press had shouted questions at me, my response as always when this happened being “No comment”, and I eventually made it to the agreed parking plac of the coach. 

I walked up to the open door to see Pyxis in the driving seat shaking his head at me, sipping some of the coffee he had bought on the way out. 

I next saw Erwin sitting in his usual chair on his mobile, pausing mid sentence to whomever he was talking to to roll his eyes at me and carry on with his conversation. I quickly glanced over at Marco and Jean having a hushed conversation together, Marco pausing to throw me a look of pity before carrying on talking to Jean. Farlan and Izzy both paused their conversation to look over at me, a similar look on their faces before turning back to cuddle on their bench and put on a film. 

I walked up the coach and heard the door being closed behind me, and walked up to the bench I was sharing with Eren. I softly sat down and felt the coach start to move us towards the hotel we were staying in overnight, and forced myself to look at the man sitting next to me. 

Not too long ago, he had been giggling next to me on the plane as we watched a terrible film about a murderous sofa. Now, he sat staring out of the coach window with his hand resting on the back of his neck. His eyes were closed and he exhaled deeply 

“Eren-”

“You went too far.” He interrupted, keeping his gaze out of the window. 

“He was being a cunt.” I bluntly put, emphasising myself by nodding. 

“I’m sure he was, but you didn’t have to brutally attack him.”

“I wouldn’t say I was brutal.”

He shook his head, moving his hand to rest over his eyes. “I would, you kept going and going.”

“Honestly? He fucking deserved it.”

“When it was a one off punch it was alright...but I don’t know how I feel about this.” 

“What?” I blurted, blowing my composure completely with my voice sounding completely terrified.

His head jerked to face mine, his bright mismatched eyes glassy with tears. “You’re so violent, Levi. I don’t think I can do this.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry to leave u on another cliffhanger like this
> 
> lol
> 
> cheers for reading
> 
> SHOWBIZ  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLa9eO3oNsw
> 
> (song by my all time favourite band)
> 
> ig - @regular___john  
> Tumblr - regular-john-16278


	21. Mirrorball

“...I don’t think I can do this.”

I knew when I wasn’t wanted. I stood up and walked up the aisle, choosing the seat at the very back of the coach. I pulled out earphones from my pocket and removed the splitter from the bottom, and started to listen to music by myself. I leaned my head against the window, and watched Eren a few rows in front of me through the reflection in the glass. With shaky hands, he did the same as me. 

I spent the entire journey watching Eren, seeing him eventually move to leave our usual bench unoccupied and sit somewhere different. It was the quietest I had ever seen him, and the saddest. He looked genuinely pained at the concept of my causing someone else harm. 

Upon arrival at the hotel, he walked off the coach with Jean; Marco silently joined me by my side. “Eren texted Jean, apparently there’s been a small room swap with us.”

I tightened my jaw and looked at the ground, placing a cigarette between my lips with the intention of smoking it once I reached the hotel balcony. We wordlessly made our way through the hotel and into our shared room, dumping our stuff on the sides of the bed we both usually took if we shared the bed.  Marco made a beeline to the bathroom, while I walked to sit on the balcony enjoying my first smoke of the day. 

Throughout that day and the day after, Eren took every opportunity he could to avoid me; being a stark difference to his usual insessance to be near me. He even took his ticket to stand in the VIP area that he was constantly offered but he usually declined to stand in his favourite place at the front of the stage. 

It got to our second concert in Italy, playing a cover of House of the Rising Sun and screaming my lungs out for me to have any sort of feeling after the numbness of Eren stopping talking to me. I must’ve smoked an entire packet of cigarettes that evening, the crowd seemed to enjoy the concert though. 

At the end, we did our usual bow and picture and then walked off to go back to the hotel. I got up to my shared room with Marco before he did, saying he was going out for a late drink with Jean somewhere in the city. 

I unlocked the door and turned the light on, removing my shirt and heading towards the balcony with a fresh packet of cigarettes before I noticed the man sat on our bed. 

“Eren.” I said, self consciously moving my hand to rest on my arm. 

“You haven’t spoken to me.”

“I was giving you space.” I said quietly, moving back slightly to lean on the wall opposite the bed he was sat on. 

“I never know who I’m with!” He suddenly blurted, his eyes widening with response at his own words. “You opened up to me and it still doesn’t feel like enough! Who are you?” He asked, his voice getting progressively quieter. 

“I-”

“I’m sorry.” He interrupted, his head falling. 

“Why are you sorry?” I questioned, tilting my head. 

He moved his hands to cover his eyes, “I ask a lot of you. You opened up to me and I’m still not satisfied.”

I practically ran to sit by his side, resting my hand on his back. “I want to be totally honest with you, Eren. I never want to leave anything out with you. I want you to have it all.”

He slowly twisted his head so he was looking at me with his sad eyes, “You mean it?”

I smiled “I mean it.”

-

The next evening, there was a fashion event in the city Erwin had arranged for the band to go to. Petra had flown down to meet us in the hotel and sort out what we were wearing, giving the band matching black suits; mine with a cravat. Even Jean was dressed up in one of the matching suits as Marco insisted he walk with him. 

Eren, however, was being paid by his work to stand with the paparazzi and so he did just that; wearing a suit that perfectly complemented the band’s. 

I always hated fashion events. Walking around surrounded by celebrities who actually cared and loved the attention, of course I’d look at the cameras but because of my reputation it didn’t mind if I looked annoyed because it was how I was already perceived. I was also itching for a cigarette, or at least something to ease the tension I was feeling. 

I slowly walked on to the next section of the red carpet and noticed a weird flurry going on between the paparazzi. They seemed to be picking on someone taking pictures, purposefully moving to obstruct their pictures. 

I tilted my head to get a better look, and was greeted by the sight of a familiar pair of mismatched eyes. 

Without thinking too much about it I beckoned Eren over, still maintaining my bland facial expression as he ambled through the members of the press to cross over and join me on the carpet. I took hold of his hand and tilted my head up slightly to whisper in his ear. 

“I’m feeling rather anxious right now, can you pretend I just said something funny and flirty and then you can go back if you want.” I whispered in his ear, lightly holding his jaw with my free hand. 

Eren started to laugh a natural-sounding giggle, moving closer to me so that it was more comfortable for me to have my arm around his waist. I grinned up at him and we stayed there for a moment, giving him the chance to walk back. 

He moved out of my grasp around his waist and held my hand, giving it a light squeeze. I looked up to him and he motioned ahead, signalling he was ready to move on. I smiled again, this time noticing a blur of lights meaning my picture was being taken, but I didn’t care as we walked onwards. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no violence warning...damn
> 
> cheers for reading 
> 
> MIRRORBALL  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uHMnalQYs4
> 
> (a beautiful song....)
> 
> ig - @regular___john  
> Tumblr - regular-john-16278


	22. Living is a Problem Because Everything Dies

The fashion event preceded a ridiculously fancy dinner party, so the people on the carpet left the press there and made our way into the large event hall. The room was very grand, lit up by candles on the tables and around the exterior of the room. Before going we’d been given directions to where we would be sitting, Erwin having memorised this directed us all to our table. 

Marco, Jean and myself sat down next to each other with our plus ones sitting together; Erwin and Armin sitting with Petra, Hanji and Pyxis. Farlan and I were snickering to ourselves about something I said about Jean, and I leaned over to whisper it to Eren. 

Running our cover, he burst out laughing causing the entire table to go quiet and stare at us. Our defences faltered and soon enough, all three of us were howling with laughter about the My Little Pony character. 

“What are you guys laughing at?” Marco piped up, his hand laced with Jean’s. 

“If anyone’s pound cake, it’s Marco.” Eren whispered into my ear, my mouth jerking up to a grin. 

“Are you insinuating your friend would top mine?” I replied, Eren continued to snicker next to me.

“Absolutely nothing, Freckles. Don’t worry.” Farlan insisted

The night carried on in a similar way; Farlan, Eren and myself cracking jokes more often than not and making the entire event one filled with immense laughter. Eren took a few pictures of us all laughing in our smart outfits, saying he wanted to frame the moment. It was all very cheesy. 

He stood up to go to the toilet, pressing a quick kiss to my forehead and walking swiftly off. I smiled softly and had a sip of my lemonade, continuing my discussion with Erwin about fish as we ate our ridiculously good risotto. 

After a little while, different people started to join in and explain why their favourite fish was the best fish. “My favourite it probably tuna, its good in so many different ways.” Izzy said, having a sip of her wine. 

“Eren’s favourite is tuna too, actually.” I butted in.

“Speaking of, didn’t he go to the toilet about 10 minutes ago?” Jean piped up next to Marco, raising an eyebrow. 

I frowned, checking the time on my phone and seeing no message or anything from Eren. “Maybe he’s just taking a really big shit.” I sighed, not thinking much of it. The table laughed at that, easing the mild tension I began to feel at Eren suddenly not being there.

A tension that remained for the next half hour that he wasn’t there. My patience wore out and I made my excuses to leave the table and fast-walk through a hallway to the bathroom. I opened the door, seeing the cubicle at the very end of the bathroom was closed. 

“Eren, what the fuck are you doing in there?” I sighed, leaning against the sinks away from the urinals.

I was met with silence, the distant sound of people talking and music in the big hall. I frowned again. 

“...Eren?” I questioned. Silence. 

I edged forward towards the cubicle and pushed on the door, to find that it was unlocked. The edged open slowly, and revealed an empty cubicle.

He wasn’t there. 

I calmly walked out and back to the table, sitting down and looking at everyone carefully. 

“Where is he?” Jean questioned, silencing the table.

“I don't know. He wasn’t there.” I murmured, clenching my jaw. 

Hanji sitting next to me put a hand on my shoulder and leaned to whisper in my ear. “Let’s leave and call him. You’ve been on edge since he left.” 

I nodded and allowed her to walk me out of the hall, faces and press going by in a blur. I picked up my phone and clicked Eren’s number. 

No answer. 

I tried again, a slight tremor working its way through my body. 

No answer. 

I looked helplessly at Hanji and she returned my look, picking up her own phone and trying Eren. 

I sat on the curb of the street and tried again, seriously unsure what to do. I nearly went back into the hall to try and get everyone else to call when the phone was picked up. 

“Eren!” I practically screamed. 

“Hello,” An unfamiliar voice answered, people talking as background noise. “Your name came up as Levi, do you know Eren?” They asked.

“Yes he’s my boyfriend, who am I speaking to?” I asked, standing up and looking over to Hanji. 

They sighed, “We couldn’t find a wallet or anything on him when we found him, just his locked phone.” They said carefully. 

“When you found him? Where are you, where is he?” 

“General hospital, someone found him in an alley about 20 minutes ago and called us. He was beaten pretty badly.” 

Hanji grabbed onto my hand with her eyebrows raised, I shook my head. “How do I get to the hospital?” I asked her, desperation seeping into my voice. 

Her eyes widened slightly but she nodded and led me in a direction. “I’m coming. Is he okay?” I asked down the phone. 

The voice sighed again, “I- I have to hang up, sir. We’ll explain when you get here.” 

The call disconnected. 

I pocketed the phone, feeling everything seemingly falling around me. I yelped when Hanji helped me into a taxi and returned to terrified silence while she spoke to the driver. 

I remained in a stunned state of silence for the entire journey, seeming to take a lifetime. I was too stunned to react, too stunned to do anything but stare straight ahead and feel as though everything that had ever mattered to me was slipping away. 

The one person I felt closer to than anything in the whole world was slipping away from me. 

I only noticed we had arrived when Hanji softly placed a hand onto my shoulder and spoke. “Levi..?”

I blinked a few times and retrieved my wallet from my pocket to hand it to my sister and then left the taxi stalking off to the hospital. 

I started walking slowly, but my pace quickened the closer I got ending on me sprinting up to the door. My steps faltered when I heard a voice from behind me bellow into the crisp night air. 

“I’ve never seen you run like _ that _ before, brat.” 

I turned slowly to find the one man I had hoped not to see today. Overcome with my grief I almost lost it. I almost ran up to him and I almost punched him. 

That was before I remembered Eren’s teary eyes, his wobbling voice telling me he didn’t like me being violence. The scared voice of my happy, beautiful boyfriend. 

I scrunched my hands into fists, my nails forcing into my palms. “What the fuck did you do.” I hissed. 

“ _ I _ didn’t do this.” Kenny said, his voice lilted with theatrical enthusiasm. 

“You fucking did! It was one of your brats of something-”

“It wasn’t me!” He said holding his hands up.

I moved my hand over my eyes, willing all emotion to be hidden again from the man. “If you’ve hurt him I swear to God.”

“Levi-”

“I fucking care about him too much Kenny!” I moved my hands into my hair, shaking my head. “I love him, and-”

“You love him?” Kenny asked, his voice shrinking.

“Yes.” I said, no hesitation in my voice.

“I didn’t know that.”

“Wasn’t it obvious?”

“Love makes everything different, Levi. I thought he was a plaything.” He said, walking towards me with a hand outstretched. I slapped it out of the way and stood back a step. 

“I’m sorry.” He offered, indirectly telling me all I needed to know. 

“Stay the fuck away from me and my boyfriend. Don’t come near me, don’t fucking ask for my money anymore. Don’t even try to find me. Leave us alone.”

“Levi-”

“I fucking mean it Kenny. Fuck off.” 

He opened his mouth to speak again, but closed it soon after and walked off; lighting a cigarette as he walked. 

Hanji grabbed my hand and walked me into the hospital, my other hand gripping onto the necklace around my neck. She spoke to the person in reception, luckily having a decent grasp of the English language, and we went on our way to the hospital room. 

I practically sprinted from the lift after the painful journey up, and ended up in the room he was sharing with a few other patients sleeping in their beds. 

“I’ll wait here for a bit.” Hanji said, half to herself as I was already walking in. 

His bed was at the far end of the room next to the window, separated by a thin sheet of fabric between the bed next to it. 

I sat down on the chair next to his bed and took his hand before looking at his face. 

I winced. 

A nurse had mentioned he was resting and on some drugs that kept him asleep, but they had failed to mention the extent of his wounds. One of his arms was in a sling, and he had harsh red marks around his neck. A long cut ran across his jaw, he had a black eye and a few other cuts and bruises covering his face. 

My free hand grasped at the necklace around my neck, as if holding it would give me courage. I kissed his hand and held it to my cheek. 

“Eren...I’m so sorry.” I whispered. 

“I’m so sorry this happened, that you had to go through all of this, that you had to suffer through so much violence.”

I shuddered slightly as the meaningless words rolled out of my mouth and closed my eyes, pressing small kisses on the hand of the man I loved. 

I let out a breathy laugh. “I realise  _ now _ that I’ve never said it, I’m such a fucking idiot.” 

I stood up and sat on the edge of his bed, gently pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I love you” I whispered against his forehead, and pressed my own against his. 

I held onto the sides of his face with both of my hands, willing the tears to stop falling. “I won’t leave you, Eren. I love you.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, chapter 23, uploaded tomorrow  
> apologies for the morbid title lmaooooo
> 
> thanks for reading up to now, sorry for the spam 
> 
> LIVING IS A PROBLEM BECAUSE EVERYTHING DIES  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgpbzVOeXf0
> 
> ig - @regular___john  
> Tumblr - regular-john-16278


	23. Hopeless Wanderer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LAST CHAPTER!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short n sweet

Days and nights passed, countless ones at that. People brought me food and drinks that I would barely touch, I’d sometimes get up to go to the toilet just down the hall, but I’d immediately after go back and sit with Eren, hoping one day soon he’d wake up from his drugged-induced sleep. 

Every day I’d talk to him, tell him how I loved him, how I’d never be violent again, how he was all I needed. 

I vaguely remember Erwin coming in one day with Armin and a bunch of flowers, Armin sat beside me and talked softly to Eren about something I didn’t register. After a little while, they left me with him again. 

Most of the time I’d sit with soft music playing from my phone into my earphones, sometimes sharing with Eren if I felt it was a particularly good song to share with him. 

It was one day when I had put on a song and was just placing the earphones in Eren’s ears when a tall man holding a take away box from a dessert shop in the city walked in. 

“Hi Levi.” Grisha said, taking occupance of the chair on the other side of Eren’s bed. 

I felt my mouth I had not used for days open, sad and gravelly words pouring out “Mr yeager, I know how this happened… I’m so sorry but my uncle-”

“Your friend...Erwin? He explained everything to me.” He put the box onto the table next to Eren’s bed and sat back in his chair. “I know you could never have done anything to hurt my son, Levi. I’ve seen how you look at him, I saw on the internet how you sing to him, the way he looks at YOU even. It’s blatantly clear to me that you couldn’t be responsible for this.” He said, reassuring me instantly. 

I nodded my head once in acknowledgement of his words, “Thank you.”

He smiled at me and patted my hand that was holding onto Eren’s, “He’ll be up in a few hours, I think. Do you want another coffee, I’m going to get one myself.”

I nodded again and took a sip of the now cold coffee by my chair before binning it. I watched the man briskly walking away, thinking of his kind words he had offered me over time and smiling a small smile to myself. For a man who apparently wasn’t particularly accepting of gay people, he had done a stellar job of accepting us. 

A slight rustle sounded from the bed, followed by a raspy cough and further movement.

I whipped my head around to see Eren pushing himself to sit upright, a grimace plastered on his face. 

“Fuck- Eren I was so worried about you oh my god.” I blurted out, rushing to sit beside him on the bed and place my hands on either side of his face, pushing my forehead against his head. 

“Hi.” He croaked, smiling softly. His hands came up to lace into my hair, and he breathed out a small breath; almost of relief. 

“Do you want-”

“Did you mean it?” He asked suddenly, moving his head away to look directly into my eyes with his. 

“Did I mean what?” I tilted my head to the side slightly. 

“I heard you.”

“You...what?”

“Levi, I love you too.”

Heat rose to my cheeks as the realisation dawned on me. He had heard it all; and I was fucking speechless.

“The thing with Kenny, the King Raven thing, everything. I can get over it. I know what I want and it's to be with you. You said it before, but I didn’t say it back, and I really should’ve.” He cleared his throat, giving me a minute to speak...but I didn’t. “I want it all. I want everything that comes with you.”

I prepared to speak, but Eren moved a hand over my mouth to stop me speaking. “I don’t give a fuck, Levi. It’s all part of the deal. I love you.”

He tentatively moved his hand away from my mouth to see my reaction, a shy expression I hadn’t seen on his face for a long time. I smiled one of the biggest smiles to have ever reached my face, my cheeks warm still with embarrassment but my whole body feeling a different kind of warmth from hearing everything Eren had said to me. And, for the first time in what felt like my whole life, I was completely content. 

“I love you too.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and thats it!!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this fic over the past year, its meant a lot to have people reading this and supporting; even when at time I myself didn't actually support it.   
> I hope you stick around to read some of my other writing
> 
> I'd like to give special thanks to those who this fic is gifted to   
> TheFlamingGeek - for being the greatest reader I could ask for. your comments and love mean the world to me  
> ImBlackKitten - for motivating me to continue, being a legend, and for writing your fics that got me super inspired to write ANYTHING just so that I was writing
> 
> special thanks to my mate GenericPureBlood just for being u in general.
> 
> Thanks again
> 
> see u around
> 
> HOPELESS WANDERER  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rId6PKlDXeU 
> 
> ig - @regular___john  
> Tumblr - regular-john-16278


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